# The Straight Dope Morning Show **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 15, 2001, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772 "2001-09-15T05:07:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2001, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/21 "2001-09-17T18:15:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MsRobyn \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by beagledave \* > > \*\*So, I’m the fifteenth caller. Whadda I win? \*\* > > Two free movie passes and my services as a babysitter. 🙂 > > Robin \*\* Now THATs a prize we could use about now…date night…woo hoo 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2001, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/22 "2001-09-17T18:49:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Odieman \* > \*\*I need a bit of assistance with the more…classical elements of the programming of this station, so I will ask **Screech Owl** to help me with that…after all the job is too big for just one person to do. > > Keith \*\* Cool. [li] Let’s start off with a back-to-back-to-back comparison of the Philips, London, EMI, Chandos, and Deustche Grammaphone’s complete editions of Richard Wagner’s _Der Ring des Nibelungen_. This way I can sit, drink coffee and do crossword puzzles while the music is on. At 20 hours average for each set, that would take care of several days of broadcasts.[/li] Bonus: We can run this during the pledge drives: Send money, or we play the edition with Larry Storch as Siegfried. [li] We own only one Gregorian Chant CD, so I can tape-loop small sections of it for the Sunday morning religious broadcasts. No one will notice, and we won’t have to buy another one for months.[/li] [li] The Best of Philip Glass - “3 hours of your favorite rhythms by the Master of Minimalism, or I didn’t notice the CD was scratched and skipping”.[/li] [li] And for those who need to stay awake all night, I’ll play anything from [Florence Foster Jenkins](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000003F97/qid=1000752162/sr=1-1/ref=sc_m_1/102-3786026-6905729) and [Mary Schneider](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00004R7U4/ref=pd_sim_music/102-3786026-6905729).[/li] Now about that raise we discussed… ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2001, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/23 "2001-09-17T19:20:25Z")
Hey, since we’re doing the **Straight Dope** version of **WKRP** , can I play the part of Jennifer? I mean, I’m not stacked like her, my hair isn’t blonde [sub]anymore[/sub], but I’ve got the cutting wit and that stare that shuts people up. Plus, she was pretty nice and I’m hoping my Pretty Nice Person certificate comes in the mail this week. I passed the class - honest! ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2001, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/24 "2001-09-17T19:48:31Z")
Can I be the guy that goes around demo-ing new products and sample merchandise? [ul]_This new product we’ve got here, the Ronco Pillow Fluffer sustained only 15 hits from our sledge hammer before breaking. I give it a thumbs down!_ _This new Audi TT courtesy of Crazy **Fenris** ’ New Car and Soul X-Change. Drives like a dream, I give it a thumbs up and I’m outta here!_[/ul]That or I could do the snow report![ul]_Yes, it’s coming down in glorious white sheets! Inches and inches of powder covering everything in sight. Be sure to put on your tire chains or engage your four-wheel-drive, it’s a beautiful day out there!_[/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2001, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/25 "2001-09-17T19:49:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FairyChatMom \* > **I represent Uncle Rue, Story Guy…** (Sure, why not?) **…He requires a 20 minute spot during drive time, full editorial control, fresh donuts daily, reserved parking, and matching contributions to his 401K.** For donuts, I’ll do a weekly commentary. 15 minutes, not counting commercials or my theme music. (I’m thinking _Powerhouse_ by Raymond Scott.) If you want me everyday, **Saint Zero** is going to have to share his crullers. If you don’t want me at all, that’s _really_ going to cost ya. -Rue. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2001, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/26 "2001-09-17T21:03:47Z")
I wanna be the intern that is routinely sent on sucky assignments to do live remotes. And that’s humiliated on air. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2001, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/27 "2001-09-17T21:22:50Z")
Sheesh, **Rue** , you don’t want much, do you? 😉 ::MsRobyn goes to the donut shop to open a charge account:: **screech-owl** , my personal opinion of Wagner is he’s of the devil. You may, however, play “Ride of the Valkyries” so we can all sing “Kill the wabbit”. 🙂 I like your idea of using the same Gregorian chant CD over and over. It all sounds the same anyway and it’s not like anyone listens to radio on Sunday mornings. (Well, I do, but I’m a Sunday Weekend Edition junkie.) **BunnyGirl** , if you want to be Jennifer, then by all means, the job is yours. It pays $11.50 an hour to start, with benefits and all the coffee and donuts you want. Oh, and **T. Herman Zappo** , talk to the ad director. I’m sure he’d love to take your money. 😃 Robin ---
**Author:** ![Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Airman\_Doors\_USAF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Airman_Doors_USAF)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2001, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/28 "2001-09-17T21:42:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Olentzero \* > \*\*Whoa, **AirmanDoors** actually consented to letting me on the show? How many bones did you have to break before he gave in? 😃 \*\* Well, it took some heavy duty effort (and lots of moaning and screaming ;)), but she finally convinced me to let a pinko on the show. If we just stuck to good conservative thinkers like me it wouldn’t be any fun. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Zappo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b3f665/32.png) [@Zappo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zappo)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/29 "2001-09-18T00:03:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MsRobyn \* > \*\*Oh, and **T. Herman Zappo** , talk to the ad director. I’m sure he’d love to take your money. 😃 > > Robin \*\* Madame: I shall thank you not to confuse me with my wastrel brother **T. Herman**! Whilst he has lived a life of leisure running the news-paper Father gave him in exchange for his first wife and gallivanting amongst the stars in a rocket-ship, I have been left alone to tend to the family businesses. It has been I who singlehandledly slit the throats of our competitors, mangled those who dare enter our market-place, and defended the ideal of capitalistic enterprise from the Progressives, Free-Thinkers, and Fellow-Travelers whose odious half-truths undermine the very foundations of the Republic. Under my able and munificent leadership, the phosphate-mines have become the most productive sources of phosphate in the world, the steam-ship line regularly beats the fastest Zeppelins from Jersey City to Bremerhaven, and A.Z.I. has become the largest supplier of licorice-flavored emetics west of the Caucusus! Credit for these achievements is mine and mine alone! I am the one who burned the midnight-oil and put his fleshy parts to the grind-stone while my dissipated and loutish younger brother spent his time receiving mustard enemas and pining for Lillian Gish. To that end, I wish that you send this “ad-director” round to my pent-house high atop Mt. Baldy. I shall be very interested to hear what he has to say. However, if you do not wish to trade with me I shall have no choice but to purchase a competing wireless-transmitting station and crush your organization like a skittering rodent. To that end, I have sent a tele-gram to Mr. **Fenris** offering him double his present salary, four nubile virgins, the use of an auto-mobile, an unlimited supply of crullers, and lifetime passage on any of my steam-ships should he come to work for me at such time as I enter the wireless-transmitting business. Trifle with me and you’ll get a taste of what I did to Powel Crosley! Mavis, bring my pills; I’m having another spell–no, you addlepated beauty-contest loser, don’t put that in the letter! I eagerly await your reply. Yrs. vy. trly., /s/ Zappo President, CEO and Godhead Amalgamated Zappocorp International “Proudly Gouging Those Too Stupid To Know Better Since 1936” ---
**Author:** ![tiggeril](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tiggeril/32/7234_2.png) [@tiggeril](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiggeril)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/30 "2001-09-18T01:19:28Z")
::runs in:: ::lobs more bunnies around the studio:: ::returns to “training” the intern:: ---
**Author:** ![Verrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/46a35a/32.png) [@Verrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Verrain)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/31 "2001-09-18T01:33:56Z")
And thus the number of intern applications skyrockets. The line forms behind me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/32 "2001-09-18T02:45:34Z")
My apologies, Mr. Zappo. The ad director will be dispatched to your home posthaste. Robin ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/33 "2001-09-18T07:51:31Z")
Morning radio? That’s _soooooo_ passé. Now, if you need anyone for Morning TV, well then :buffs nails: ---
**Author:** ![Viscera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/258eb7/32.png) [@Viscera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Viscera)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/34 "2001-09-18T09:38:24Z")
Can I be the weather guy that everyone pokes fun at? 😉 Vis ---
**Author:** ![Zappo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b3f665/32.png) [@Zappo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zappo)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/35 "2001-09-18T13:48:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MsRobyn \* > \*\*My apologies, Mr. Zappo. The ad director will be dispatched to your home posthaste. > > Robin \*\* Madame: Your gracious apology is accepted. Please inform the ad director that he should phone ahead and enter via the North entrance, as the ponji sticks are being refinished at the other points of ingress. Hmmm. . .Rexford, cancel my purchase of that wireless-broadcasting station immediately. The fools have decided to grovel before me in the hopes that I might toss a few coppers’ worth of advertising their way. . .I think we should take that money we were going to buy that station with and invest in the asbestos school-lunch tray concern instead. Did you take that down? No, no, NO, you idiot! I wasn’t dictating that! Were your parents related before they got married? That’s the only explanation I can think of. . . Yr. fthfl. svt., /s/ Zappo President, CEO and Godhead Amalgamated Zappocorp International “Proudly Gouging Those Too Stupid To Know Better Since 1936” ---
**Author:** ![tiggeril](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tiggeril/32/7234_2.png) [@tiggeril](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiggeril)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/36 "2001-09-18T13:58:05Z")
::staggers in, looking thoroughly debauched:: ::stuffs happy fuzzy bunnies down Zappo’s pants:: ::returns to “interviewing” intern applicants:: ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/37 "2001-09-18T14:13:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tiggeril \* > [B::returns to “training” the intern:: \*\* Woohoo! I love being the intern! ---
**Author:** ![Verrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/46a35a/32.png) [@Verrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Verrain)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/38 "2001-09-18T14:40:35Z")
And that was the best interview I ever had! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zanshin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e274bd/32.png) [@Zanshin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zanshin)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/39 "2001-09-18T15:42:01Z")
Hey, you folks are gonna need a technical type to run the boards, right? I humbly submit myself as producer and engineer (I’m perfect straight man or foil for the morning host. I also make a mean cup of coffee). Does that mean I get ‘interviewed’ too? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Grimace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@Grimace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grimace)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2001, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772/40 "2001-09-18T16:50:32Z")
:::Heads over to the intern “interview” line::: I never knew radio interviews were like THIS! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-morning-show/81772.md?page=3)