The Straight Dope on..... Cecil Adams

[Algernon]

OK. Alright. I admit it. I am Cecil Adams.

Here’s looking at you kid.

(Do not be fooled by my history of innane and uninformed posts. They are nothing more than a brilliant plot to divert suspicion.)

[Shrinking_Violet]

*Originally posted by C K Dexter Haven *
**Sigh.

Cecil Adams is definitely a real person. The fact that his name is trademarked is a legal protection by the READER.

I don’t know what else to say, except that he gets a real kick out of the speculations. **

Sorry Dex, but how does this square with the following phrase from the trademark on the name:

“CECIL ADAMS DOES NOT IDENTIFY ANY PARTICULAR INDIVIDUAL BUT WAS DEVISED AS A FANCIFUL NAME”

Julie

[C_K_Dexter_Haven]

Fine, so he’s fanciful, and the columns don’t really exist. In fact, you don’t exist either, you’re just a sort of thing in the dream of the red king. If he wakes up, you’d go out like a candle.

[dantheman]

There’s also been plenty of speculation that C K Dexter Haven is the most recent Cecil.

[biqu]

Originally posted by Walloon
It might be profitable for this discussion to study the writing style of the Straight Dope column over the years. You may be able to detect when one person stopped writing it and another began writing it by the tone of the writing, the repeated use of particular words or phrases, the fields of expertise, etc.

Someone linked to the Gender Genie in the Guess my Gender thread by TVAA. I submitted a couple of Cecil’s classic columns to its lexical analyzer, and it said that every one was written by a male. Someone can take it from here and perform a rigorous analysis on all the past columns, comparing the ratio of female score to male score from columns on different topics or from different time periods.

[biqu]

Besides, why would a column devoted to fighting ignorance allow its readers to remain ignorant on the question of its author’s existence?

[vanilla]

*Originally posted by Happy Lendervedder *
**When’s his birthday? **

May 33rd.

[JeffB]

That, vanilla, is pure gold.

[Ilsa_Lund]

WTF?

[Algernon]

Ilsa, there was a radio show here in Milwaukee that asked extraordinarily difficult trivia questions. One day the question was “what happens on the 33rd of May, but only during leap years.” pkbites posted the question, but it had everyone stumped.

Eventually Colibri figured it out. Unfortunately, we didn’t win, but after busting our balls, it was answered out.The 33rd of May thread (watch out, it’s a seven page thread).

[Una_Persson]

*Originally posted by amore ac studio *
**Besides, why would a column devoted to fighting ignorance allow its readers to remain ignorant on the question of its author’s existence? **

Because it’s irrelevant to the whole raison d’etre (sorry, no French characters today) of this site.

There’s all sorts of “ignorance” out there, and much of it is perfectly acceptable. For example, it’s acceptable to remain ignorant of how many times my fattest cat uses the litterbox each day. It’s acceptable for the SDMB to remain ignorant of your Social Security Number and Phone Number. It’s acceptable to remain ignorant of how many Turkish sex slaves are in UncleBeer’s traveling harem. And, it’s acceptable to remain ignorant of the real identity of a known personnage who wishes to protect their IRL identity for entertainment and/or personal safety and privacy reasons.

[Tars_Tarkas]

If Cecil isn’t real, then who is the guy who’s been living in my garage claiming to be Cecil???

[samclem]

By comparison, Mark Twain is universally accepted to exist, despite the fact that his real name was Clements. So in what sense can it be said that Cecil is nonexistant?

Crap! Outed by Chronos.

Mark Twain, despite my continued efforts to hitch a ride on his coattails, has a real-life name which was spelt Clemens, not Clements. Chronos, by failing to spell this correctly, has taken himself out of the running as the faux Cecil.

If Cecil actually left here years ago, it would only be because you mopes forgot to send in moola with your questions. He’s truly a mercenary bastard. How much can an alternative news organization pay, after all? They are using a Radio Shack server. Does that give you an inkling?

[cletus]

I sent a email to cecil@straightdope.com and received a reply from Dex which I posted in this thread.

Um, guys? Why would Dex lie? I see no reason why he would lie about the realism of Cecil to a bunch of anonymous people on the net. IMHO there is more reason to say Cecil wasn’t real (privacy, safety, asked the same question a million times) then the other way around.

[Shade]

Besides, why would a column devoted to fighting ignorance allow its readers to remain ignorant on the question of its author’s existence?

To encourage us to take the answers at face value, checking citations and common sense, rather than blindly believing them?

Cecil Adams is definitely a real person.

Of course, this doesn’t explicitly say if he’s always been the same real person, or if that real person is someone we know or not. But I won’t push.

[Ceejaytee]

*Originally posted by Rube E. Tewesday *
**Any minute now, someone will be doing a parody of “Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.” **

It’s already been done. Here’s one by Tomndeb

Doc Nickel, your little friend is wrong. He has been affected by the credulism of a credulous age. He does not accept except what he sees on Oprah. He thinks that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by his little mind. All minds, Doc Nickel, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Doc Nickel, there is a Cecil Adams.

He exists as certainly as investigation and research and analysis exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Cecil Adams! It would be as dreary as if there were no Doc Nickel. There would be no ornery skepticism then, no doubting, no analysis to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood’s demands for truth fill the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Cecil Adams! You might as well not believe in the OED, the Encyclopædia Britannica or Google. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the Chicago Reader offices on Monday morning to catch Cecil Adams, but even if you did not see Cecil Adams enter the building, what would that prove? Nobody sees Cecil Adams, but that is no sign that there is no Cecil Adams. The most real things in the world are those that have not been debunked by Cecil or Jan Harold Brunvand or Barbara Mikkelson . Did you ever see Zhou Enlai? Of course not, he used to live in China and he’s dead now, but that does not mean he was not real. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the masters there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the agoraphobic world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only cash, therapy, cash, perhaps threats, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Doc Nickel, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Cecil Adams? Thank God he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Doc Nickel, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of students of knowledge.

[Shade]

I just noticed the second part of my last post sounded a little sarcy. Sorry, that wasn’t the intent, it was just supposed to be a joke.

[OxyMoron]

BTW, there are real live humans who register their names as trademarks. According to this university website, Billy Joel, Tiger Woods, and Calvin Klein are all trademarks. So the trademark registration doesn’t demonstrate much either way.

[Shrinking_Violet]

*Originally posted by OxyMoron *
**BTW, there are real live humans who register their names as trademarks. According to this university website, Billy Joel, Tiger Woods, and Calvin Klein are all trademarks. So the trademark registration doesn’t demonstrate much either way. **

… Except that under the heading “Other Data” in the trademark registration, in the case of Tiger Woods (haven’t checked the other two) it states:

“The name “TIGER WOODS” identifies a living individual whose consent is of record.”

Whereas, as I pointed out in my earlier post, the same entry for Cecil Adams states:

"“CECIL ADAMS DOES NOT IDENTIFY ANY PARTICULAR INDIVIDUAL BUT WAS DEVISED AS A FANCIFUL NAME”

I really don’t see that the two are the same - and I’m still waiting for a coherent reply from Dex on this … I feel that his earlier reply doesn’t bear comment (I’ll be kind and assume he was under the influence of … something … at the time )

Julie

[Walloon]

The late Eppie Lederer was the third and last person to write the column “Ann Landers”.