# The Straight Dope Public Address System **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 28, 2001, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584 "2001-08-28T19:23:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/21 "2001-08-28T20:51:45Z")
“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, this is Satan. I’ve killed the pilot and co-pilot and have commandeered this plane, and shortly, up on your left, I’ll be flying it into a _big_ mountain. Thank you for flying United!” Esprix [sub]“No, the _white_ phone!”[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/22 "2001-08-28T20:55:32Z")
::To Laura Dern. In an airport.:: I’m GAY! ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/23 "2001-08-28T20:56:40Z")
Let us pray. ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/24 "2001-08-28T20:59:24Z")
“Paging Phillip Morris. Paging Phillip Morris.”" ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/25 "2001-08-28T20:59:24Z")
[/annoying muzak] Attention SDMB shoppers. In IMHO, you can find our latest and greatest polls on matters ranging from politics to lingerie, and beyond. Please stop by our lovely IMHO section, and be sure to say hello to **Czarcasm** and **TVeblen** , your moderators. All this week, we’re running a special on sexual innuendo, so stop on by! [annoying muzak] ---
**Author:** ![katiekilldare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/838e76/32.png) [@katiekilldare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katiekilldare)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/26 "2001-08-28T21:00:53Z")
Please move _ALL_ the way through the doors, past the yellow line. Hold on to the handrails. The doors will be closing momentarily. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/27 "2001-08-28T21:04:29Z")
Don’t start up with that “white zone” shit again, **Euty**. \*Attention, your attention please…\*we’d like to congratulate **Silo** on completing his last post. Come down to the conference room, have some cake and wish him a happy retirement. [sub]Super, I was thinking the same thing when I first opened this thread![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![caveman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/caveman/32/7242_2.png) [@caveman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/caveman)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/28 "2001-08-28T21:04:32Z")
Watch the tram car please…Watch the tram car please…Watch the tram car please…Watch the tram car please…Watch the tram car please… ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/29 "2001-08-28T21:09:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by thinksnow \* > \*\* > > [sub]Super, I was thinking the same thing when I first opened this thread![/sub] \*\* Are you frightened yet? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/30 "2001-08-28T21:10:58Z")
Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building… ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/31 "2001-08-28T21:11:15Z")
**Please stand clear of the doors. Por favor, manténgase alejado de las puertas.** ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/32 "2001-08-28T21:14:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Superdude \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by thinksnow \* > > \*\* > > > > [sub]Super, I was thinking the same thing when I first opened this thread![/sub] \*\* > > Are you frightened yet? 🙂 \*\* hijack one of you is going to have to explain the ‘white zone’ well, I have an idea, but I’m quite evil. Please provide a link if its a board reference. If not, I shall just think the worst. /hijack I now return you to your regularly scheduled thread. Your attention please: Dr. Fine, Dr.Howard,Dr. Fine, please report to the Psyc. Ward Thank you ---
**Author:** ![Nightsong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nightsong/32/3083_2.png) [@Nightsong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nightsong)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/33 "2001-08-28T21:37:05Z")
…Mr. Smith, Paging Mr. Smith: Your village called. They’re missing an idiot… _Apologies to anyone who is actually named Mr. Smith._ * * * \<\< There are two rules for being successful: 1. Don’t tell everything you know. \>\> ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/34 "2001-08-28T21:44:46Z")
Please be aware that the public address system is for the use of official sales representatives only. Thank you. **Eutychus55** Official Sales Representative ---
**Author:** ![Oicu812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f475e1/32.png) [@Oicu812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oicu812)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/35 "2001-08-28T21:49:03Z")
Doctor Howard, Doctor Fine, Doctor Howard… O ---
**Author:** ![katiekilldare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/838e76/32.png) [@katiekilldare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katiekilldare)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/36 "2001-08-28T21:53:10Z")
This is a high-speed ride. Expectant mothers and guests with back or neck problems should not experience this attraction. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/37 "2001-08-28T21:58:31Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Miss Creant \* > \*\* > one of you is going to have to explain the ‘white zone’_\* The 'white zone is an _Airplane!_ reference. A male and female start debating, via the loudspeakers, over whether the red or white zone is for loading and unloading. As they argue, they start getting personal (“Come on, Bob. We both know what this is about. You want me to have that abortion.”). All over the loudspeakers. ---
**Author:** ![THespos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8c91f0/32.png) [@THespos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/THespos)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/38 "2001-08-28T22:00:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by screech-owl \* > \*\***Please stand clear of the doors. > Por favor, manténgase alejado de las puertas.** \*\* Please move to the center of the cars and stand clear of the closing doors. This 6 train will move to the express track, skip the next 15 stops, and go directly to Yankee Stadium. Please stand clear of the closing doors. I said… Please stand clear of the closing doors. There is a train directly behind this one. THERE IS A TRAIN DIRECTLY BEHIND THIS ONE! Pleasestandclearoftheclosingdoors! YOU! IN THE FRONT! WITH THE METS CAP! STOP HOLDING THE DOORS! ---
**Author:** ![THespos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8c91f0/32.png) [@THespos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/THespos)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/39 "2001-08-28T22:06:59Z")
Would the owner of a white 1992 Ford Minivan, Rhode Island license tag E-U-T-Y-fiver-fiver please report to the front desk? Your car radio is on. And for some reason it’s playing annoying MIDI files of the theme to “Popeye.” :: Ducking and running :: ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2001, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584/40 "2001-08-28T22:13:10Z")
:::beep…beep…beep::: This is a test of the Emergency Broadcasting System…oh wait, what was that? Bob in IS pulled the fire alarm? _Again?_ Christ Almighty! Okay everyone, instead of a fire alarm, this is a general call for funds to buy Bob in IS a damn life. Anyone interested in contributing, see Jill in Payroll. Sorry for the inconvenience. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dope-public-address-system/78584.md?page=3)