# The Straight Doper's Survivor **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 22, 2000, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191 "2000-06-22T14:58:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/1 "2000-06-22T14:58:33Z")
So, if 16 of us were stranded on a desert island, who would your ultimate Survivor team (8 people) be and why? ---
**Author:** ![Tymp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Tymp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tymp)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/2 "2000-06-22T15:03:07Z")
Sorry, but I’m completely useless without my laptop, wardrobe and beer. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/3 "2000-06-22T15:18:51Z")
I’ll throw myself into it simply because I have no problems with eating a rat, I am fairly handy, I haven’t seen a single thing happen on the TV show that would wither scare me or discourage me, and I would seriously kick ass in those contests. Plus, if we were to see any good food on the higher branches I could just jump up and get it for people. I get the feeling someone like ChiefScott or Bratman would work out pretty well on that island. And for some reason I see Diane kicking all of our butts. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/4 "2000-06-22T15:32:22Z")
If I come along, I could show everyone how to prepare rat in dozens of tempting ways. As a mater of fact, rat sounds pretty damn good just about now. – Uke, still searching for a butcher ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/5 "2000-06-22T15:35:44Z")
This island DOES have a branch of Elizabeth Arden, doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/6 "2000-06-22T15:52:33Z")
Cecil Adams: You want someone who will make a full kitchen out of a pair of coconuts and a palm frond? He’s your man. Mullinator: He could get the fruits that grow out of reach of the normal person. ChiefScott: Someone with naval experience would be handy. At least he can swim. (probably) Lexicon: I’ve seen this guy. If there’s anyone who could fight off a rampaging gorilla with his bare hands, then tear it into bite-sized bits, it’s Lexi. Coldfire: We would need someone to let the purveyor of a stupid idea know EXACTLY how stupid it was. Geobabe: Someone with knowledge of the earth would be excellent for determining where to build our housing structure. SwimmingRiddles: For this… > [@](#): > > Years of African dance trained me to isolate my hips from my ribcage. I can make circles with one while the other stays completely motionless. Everyone needs a little hula from time to time, just to keep spirits up. Myself: Master of all trades, Jack of none. None shall defeat us, the IMHO Tribe! ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/7 "2000-06-22T18:03:16Z")
hey, i wanna be on the island too. i’ve got my infantry training. i’ve survived on bugs and vegetation for a week once. i can build shelters and fires and hunt and gather. and i could really use a tan. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/8 "2000-06-22T18:21:50Z")
I vote soul on. He can tell us entertaining stories about the Ramones. Besides, he was kind enough to put me on his laminated list, and that could definately add some drama. 😉 Additionally, as a good ole’ country girl, and the daughter of a hippie who went through a “witch doctor phase.” Therefore, I am more than equiped to tell you what plants are edible and what are not. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/9 "2000-06-22T18:24:41Z")
I survived boarding school and three siblings, none of whom is separated from me by more than six years. Anyone got a problem with me including myself, take it up with my german shepherd, rottweiler and doberman. They love meeting new people. They also get hungry quickly. ---
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/10 "2000-06-22T18:46:34Z")
Any team would definitely need me. I mean, I don’t think anyone would survive a month on a desert island without a lawyer, right? DG&R V. ---
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/11 "2000-06-22T19:01:22Z")
I hate to say it, but this sounds like a _very bad idea_ to me. I know that as soon as you guys are ready to get off the island, BratMan will screw things up with one of his crazy antics. And then where will you be? Soon even washed up phone cables and big silver robots won’t be able to save you. But what the hey. If this is what you guys want, go ahead. I’ll even visit. Of course, I’ll forget all about you guys when I get back to the mainland. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/12 "2000-06-22T19:02:28Z")
[JohnWayne] Sorry, pilgrim. There ain’t any of your “laws” on this here island. [/JohnWayne] However, if you are in mediation law, THAT might come in handy. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/13 "2000-06-22T19:09:53Z")
By the way, I have no compunctions about eating other people. Use that knowledge however you wish. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/14 "2000-06-22T19:54:57Z")
On my team: **CKDexthaven** – Moderator estrordinaire. **Satan** – Intimidation factor. **ColdFire** – International element/hitman. **Ayesha** – Knows everyone/knows everyone’s week points. **Aenea** – Every team needs a girl that’s good on her knees. **VestalBlue** – Token wingnut. **UncleBeer** – If someone can find a way to smuggle beer onto the island… **Mully** – If he annoys other teams as much as he annoys me with that green/teethy smiley, he could pay off. First Alternates: **SquirlCub** – He thought I was a homophobe and posted to the pit about me. He could be sicced on other team’s male members. **Falcon** – Stick-to-it-tiveness. No one would get her to leave the island unless she was ready to leave the island. Additionally, I’d plan three months of Norfolk dopefests during our stay on the island, thus guaranteeing that she’d never leave. **Rachelle** – Me, Rachelle, deserted island = growl! **Opal** – Somebody’d have to create a web page so we could market all the great Team ChiefScott paraphenalia. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/15 "2000-06-22T20:33:50Z")
Here it is: If we were all stranded on a island, I would be cracking your ribs and gnawing out the marrow long after you were dead and gone. 😃 Being overweight has it’s advantages. Namely, freakish strength from hefting myself around all the time, and a natural store of reserves for when the food runs out. Hmmmm…is there a cannibal smilie yet? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/16 "2000-06-22T20:41:17Z")
OK, if I HAD to pick 8 people to be on a desert island with, I guess I’ll go with (off the top of my head)— Bucky Ike Mullinator ChiefScott Mr. Cynical Nemo Pluto Chef Troy —I might not live long, but at least I’d die with a smile on my face . . . ---
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/17 "2000-06-22T20:58:50Z")
Chef Troy has to be on my team. I’m sure he’d make the most heavenly rat-brain souffle. (imagine the accent symbol). And sorry, Riddles, I’m a pure blood-dripping-from-my-fangs, red-meat, make-my-opponent-cry litigator Webster’s \*\*litigator \*\* n. 1. Real lawyer. ::Sua stares down those wussy corporate-lawyer types, who run crying to their mommies:: 😉 V. ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2000, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/18 "2000-06-22T22:43:59Z")
i’m too much of a newbie to judge. (Note, I’ll speak anyway.) I have thought of these things with my IRL friends though. I decided that I would be fairly useless in a tiny survival community but once the numbers get up to about twenty I could make it. I can’t hunt. I can gather, and entertain, and whore. But a lot of the bare minumum surviavl stuf is just not me. A few of my friends are set. A good friend of mine hikes across the Upper Pennensula of Michigan every few years. Starting with a pair of jeans and $30 for the bus home at the end. And when he’s feeling lazy, a hatchet. Blows me away. I’d cast away on an islant with 15 of his buddies with no problem. Probably have a fair shot with just him. I’d drag him here, but he isn’t online often. Only when he has a phone. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/19 "2000-06-23T00:17:24Z")
I can go for decent periods of time without food. The only things I will not eat are raw sewage and liver. Anything else is fine. As those of you who’ve bothered to look at my web page can tell, I can lift heavy objects. I am also trained in marital - I mean martial - arts. So anyone tries to start something with me, they get a faceful of either sand or fist, their choice. Am I kind or what? I can also smuggle various objects of necessity on-board the island, such as an army knife, matches, quarters for the pay phone, and small amounts of narcotics for those who need to be sedated. You would not find these on me unless you did a complete physical exam. And I stress complete. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/20 "2000-06-23T03:06:09Z")
I nominate myself. For the opposing team. Because I promise you, I would be voted off before we even got to the island. I’m talking hopeless, here. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191.md?page=2)