# The Straight Doper's Survivor **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 22, 2000, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191 "2000-06-22T14:58:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kiva](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/d78d45/32.png) [@Kiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiva)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/21 "2000-06-23T06:38:22Z")
I’ll be happy to come. As a molecular biology major, I’ll be able to tell you exactly what tropical disease you’re dying of. I won’t be able to _treat_ you, but at least you’ll be informed. I also know how to build several types of fresh water gathering devices, in case there isn’t a water source on the island. I’m also not afraid of rats. \ And most importantly, when we get off the island, I’ll write the shocking, tell-all, best-selling book about our experiences, and give you all a cut. Say, 75%-5%-5%-5%-5%-5%? ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/22 "2000-06-23T12:37:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > If we were all stranded on a island, I would be cracking your ribs and gnawing out the marrow long after you were dead and gone. 😃 > \*\* You know, it’s funny you say that. An ex called me last night and we ended up talking for about 3 hours. Among the topics discussed was whether it was against the rules to kill your competitors. His argument was that since the island they are on is deserted, there shouldn’t be any laws. After much consideration, I think this is a logical assumption. So along that vein, for my one personal item, I’ll bring an AK-47. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/23 "2000-06-23T18:54:46Z")
hmm . . . my one personal item will be a little baggie of various useful things. I’m trying to decide between an all-purpose knife, a lead pipe, or nunchucks. What are the features of the island we’ll be taking over? ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/24 "2000-06-23T19:41:43Z")
i’m so there. me, my tachi sword, and a big grin 😃 and i’ll eat anything but eggplant. (i just love competitive little games like this) …oh, and my 2 cats come along too, like it or not. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/25 "2000-06-23T19:45:59Z")
Fine, if soul gets to bring his cats, I get to bring my cat. We can have a mini survior with the cats, see which ones get voted off first. Wait a minute, if Mr. Cynical is on our team, and he’s talking about eating the marrow out of HUMAN bones, I’m not sure I want my kitty on the same island. Sure, I see her as a pet, he might see her as an easy mark. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2000, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/26 "2000-06-23T20:10:12Z")
You don’t know how hard it was to resist the temptation on that one, do you? Grrrrrr ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/27 "2000-06-24T12:59:45Z")
Thanks for the mention, Eve, but my personal item is going to be bagpipes. I’m getting voted off that island and back to civilization on day one. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2000, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/28 "2000-06-24T23:22:53Z")
**Trion** says - “I know that as soon as you guys are ready to get off the island, BratMan will screw things up with one of his crazy antics. And then where will you be? Soon even washed up phone cables and big silver robots won’t be able to save you.” My rebuttal - Oh yeah? Well, I would not! So there! 😛 (sorry to be so rough on ya, there, but you were asking for it) Now then, my team would include: **ChiefScott** - it can’t hurt to have a sailor when you’re around water. **soulsling** - providing he paid attention during his infantry training. **dook** - I’ll always trust a fellow zoomie. **Mullinator** - Height can be good, so he’s welcome as long as he promises not to eat me. **Mr. Bear** - the guy’s got medical training. 'Nuff said. **SwimmingRiddles** - I’d really like to know which plants I can eat and which I can’t. **Shayna** - she called me a babe. 'Nuff said. **ME** - I’ve also had survival training when I was in the military and could actually be more useful than my posts may let on. You’re talking to someone who’s killed and eaten a rattlesnake here! (Not raw, though, that’s just nasty. And YES, it does taste like chicken: salty, deadly chicken) ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/29 "2000-06-26T05:00:42Z")
ahhh, yes. my infantry training is intact. just went to DC to visit some friends, one of my buds from the 10th Mt. Infantry is in the Old Guard now (finally), i still got my stuff. 😃 Mountaineer, Rock Climber extraordinaire, Expert Marksman, Capoeista, and ex-infantry as of 3 years ago from active duty (1 year from the guard), i do believe i would contribute highly to the success of this mission, resumé and references upon request. nobody eats my cats, not unless they want their entrails spilled out the length of the island were to be on. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/30 "2000-06-26T14:11:38Z")
I’ll grind your bones to make my bread 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/31 "2000-06-26T14:35:24Z")
Alright, I’m climbing a tree to get out of the way of the bamboo-spear fight that is inevitably going to follow that last post. Whose coming with me to play a game of mancala with some pebbles while the battle rages below? ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/32 "2000-06-26T14:54:49Z")
Hmmm, sharp spears being thrown. Me - likely the biggest target. I think I just might have to climb that tree with you Swiddles. I’ll even help pull you up to the next limb. Don’t worry, I have a good grip. No, that’s not oil on my hand. Now, just let go with your other hand and I’ll pull you up. Heh heh heh. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/33 "2000-06-26T15:14:18Z")
You have a maniacal glint in your eye, Mully. I think I’ll shimmy up this here tree, far away from yours. Nothing personal. And I’m taking my mancala with me. HAH! ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/34 "2000-06-26T16:01:06Z")
You are so due for a vicious pine cone pelting. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/35 "2000-06-26T16:03:13Z")
You may be correct, sir, but we are on a tropical island, remember? No coniferous trees here. ::lobs a coconut:: Take that!!! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/36 "2000-06-26T16:04:13Z")
What an unusual tropical island this must be, to have pine trees. Perhaps I should build myself an igloo beside the shoreline, eating only the horseshoe crabs that venture too close to my abode. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/37 "2000-06-26T16:27:42Z")
Hey, you find a real island to ship us to and I will abid by the laws of nature. If you plan on starting with coconuts, I am choosing bananas. With enough practice I should be able to generate a nifty boomerang effect. I ought to be able to set up a steady barrage of phallic fruit aimed at your head. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/38 "2000-06-26T16:42:00Z")
Hey, Mully, as the official amateur botanist, I’m here to tell you that the shiney, dark, tri-leafed plant growing under your tree is aloe. Yep. Sure, it doesn’t look like the plant on the bottle, but that there is tropical aloe. Feel free to rub it all over your body. And as it has medicinal properties, you might want to eat some of it, too. It might help your weak-ass girly throwing arm. ::coconut INCOMING!:: So it took us 4 days to get two independant fights to the death going on. Impressive, Dopers. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/39 "2000-06-26T17:06:24Z")
::sharpening his trusty axe:: How tall is that tree again, Riddles? ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/40 "2000-06-26T17:08:35Z")
My tree, or Mully’s tree with all the “aloe” growing under it? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191.md?page=3)