# The Straight Doper's Survivor **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 22, 2000, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191 "2000-06-22T14:58:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/41 "2000-06-26T17:14:11Z")
Both, I’m going for the clear-cut slash and burn technique here. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/42 "2000-06-26T17:22:03Z")
Thankfully, as a trained accountant, I have prepared for all emergencies. I have an intricate system of vines up here that will allow me to swing to nearby trees, allowing me a safe escape. Sadly, I can’t swing to Swiddles tree, but rest assured I have a large stash of fruit located at the other trees. I am also working to train monkeys to do my bidding, but so far they seem to be more interested in grooming each other. Watch out, because I am about to start throwing starfruit. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/43 "2000-06-26T17:23:06Z")
Mully, change of plans. Care to form a temporary alliance with me in order to pelt Cyn with our Fruit of Death? ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/44 "2000-06-26T17:28:44Z")
:::begins stealthily setting up booby traps around the island while in full camo::: **Just taking a leak, be right out guys!** :::60 degree cuts on bamboo shoots, check, miniature dragons teeth beneath false ground covering, check…::: ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/45 "2000-06-26T17:33:31Z")
::CHOP:: Alliance, you say? ::CHOP:: Don’t bother throwing them at my head, they’d just bounce off. ::CHOP:: Better curry my favor, missy, I gots a lot of shop left in me 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/46 "2000-06-26T17:33:35Z")
Sounds good to me. But, you have to promise to wear a sarong or a grass skirt. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/47 "2000-06-26T17:49:55Z")
Dude, have you SEEN the Chicago Dopefest pictures? I’d think [this one alone](http://www.angelfire.com/md2/araerie/graphics/Chicago/omnibutt.jpg) would make you swear off grass skirts for life. 😃 Sarongs, however, are a definate possibility. But hurry the hell up with your ninja-starfruit! You’d think after three or four good kongs on the noggin, Cyn would stop chopping, but the man has a head like a cement block! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/48 "2000-06-26T17:55:23Z")
Switch from the Sarong to a Thong, and I’ll stop chopping immediately. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/49 "2000-06-26T18:05:46Z")
We could move from a bitter fruit war to partial nudity in fewer than 50 posts. And no one else is in on the gag. This may be the best thread ever. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/50 "2000-06-26T18:14:06Z")
Well, the lady’s gotta go for it in order for it to work, but I agree! ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/51 "2000-06-26T18:19:09Z")
Oh Swiddles honey, I have an even WORSE picture of that going up soon… (And thanks for the link to my page! Woohoo! Now if people would only sign my damn guestbook…) ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/52 "2000-06-26T18:37:47Z")
done and done. Boys, you’re lucky you’re getting the sarong. Besides, which, I am stuck on an island with less than desireable housing facilities, my home is being chopped down, I have phallic fruit being thrown at me, and I can’t even climb down because of the Punji stakes (how about that for use of seldom-used terms?) now placed in the ground. Plus, Cyn has been eyeing my cat, and I think that’s the real reason he’s chopping the tree. Where he got the ax is anyone’s guess, but this does not bode well. If you think I’m going to stick a piece of dental floss up my tookus for the hell of it, yall have something else comin’. And you can make your own rice tonight. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/53 "2000-06-26T18:47:31Z")
If nudity doesn’t develop soon, I am going to start my own personal Lord of the Flies. Once the warpaint comes out, somebody is losing some clothing. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/54 "2000-06-26T19:21:30Z")
Let me see that thong I like it when the beat goes (duh dun duh) Baby make your booty go (duh dun duh ) ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/55 "2000-06-26T19:24:50Z")
That’s it. I’ve seen McGyver. I’m pretty sure that I can make an h-bomb out of bubble gum and coconut milk. And a paperclip. MWWWAAAAHAHAAAAAAHA ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/56 "2000-06-26T19:37:53Z")
…:::blow dart gun out of bamboo, check, blow darts made of fish scales, oh yeah!::: :::aims at Mr.Cynical… lathers inside of gun with coconut oil, drops dart in tube, aims…::: thwap! try going for that cat now mister… :mad: :::slinks off under cover of camo and bush and disappears once more…::: ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/57 "2000-06-26T19:44:58Z")
Sneaks up behind Soulsling, uses karate chop of partial paralysis. Steals dart gun. Finds poisonous Shabooboo plant. Coats tip of dart with poison. Shoots it at SwimmingRiddles, hitting her in the backside. She immediately is knocked unconscious for an indetermeined period of time. I win! I win! Dancing girls, luaus, and leis for all!!! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/58 "2000-06-26T19:47:01Z")
Silly SoulSling. I’ve spent the last few years building up a resistance to Iocaine Powder. ::Creeping back into the jungle, unphased:: ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/59 "2000-06-26T20:07:31Z")
::suspecting this might happen, while stuck in the tree, between dodging phallic fruit and lobbing coconuts, Swiddles has fashioned a suit of armor made entirely of bark and vine. For this reason, the dart does not effect her. However, she chooses to wait on her revenge. When you least suspect it, Mully. When you sleep. mwwwaahaaaahaahaa:: ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/60 "2000-06-26T20:14:07Z")
Hmmm, Swiddles doing something to me while I sleep… I can live with whatever that might be. Off to find a nice patch of matted leaves to doze on. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191.md?page=4)