# The Straight Doper's Survivor **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 22, 2000, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191 "2000-06-22T14:58:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/61 "2000-06-26T22:38:54Z")
damn Mully! why’d you have to get involved? now i’ve got to do something to take my mind off of this FU. :::strips down naked, and streaks across beach yelling like a crazy man to scare off the natives::: ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2000, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/62 "2000-06-26T23:45:12Z")
Thhhaaat’s right, Mully. Sleep tight. ::Swiddles darts him with the left over Shabooboo poison dart:: Alright, he’s out of the running. NEXT! This bloodthirsty side agrees with me. Soul, hon, it’s a deserted island. There aren’t any natives. But the rest of us are a little concerned. ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/63 "2000-06-27T00:06:32Z")
oh, woops. well, if i start dancing on top of some logs, will everyone throw money at my feet? ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/64 "2000-06-27T01:08:27Z")
Eh, now that Mully is down for the night, I’m game. But I don’t have any money. I do have mancala pebbles, how does that strike you? (that’s a gimmie…) ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/65 "2000-06-27T02:32:46Z")
😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/66 "2000-06-27T11:27:46Z")
Time to stretch. Up and at 'em Mully, you handsome devil. OK, morning routine is done. Sheesh. I fall victim to the wiles of Swiddles for a few hours and I wake up to find a deserted beach, except for a nekkid soulsling dancing on some logs. That’s it, I am off to track down Swiddles. Looks like she has headed off to the Cave of the Tiki Gods. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/67 "2000-06-27T12:09:52Z")
That’s funny, my kitty’s name is Tiki…Hey! Who deified my cat? Cyn’s been missing for a while, is this part of some bizarre sacrifice ritual? ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/68 "2000-06-27T13:08:37Z")
ok, thats it, back into infantry mode. :::slips on camo gear, finds some leftover punji stakes, chops’em down into suitable sizes, stuffs in belt, heads out into the wild jungles of the deserted island::: he he he he… he he… ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/69 "2000-06-27T13:09:53Z")
I didn’t deify your cat, I DEFILED your cat. It’s hard to spell things right in the morning, so I understand your confusion. ::hiding in bushes, ready to pounce on first victim:: ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/70 "2000-06-27T13:26:58Z")
Alright, Cyn. I’m officially considering cannibalism. Team members? Are we in agreement? Now, as far as my day goes, I’ve been here three days, and have been escaping peril at every turn. I’m having a beach day today, anyone who interfers with my tanning, you’ll have the wrath of Swiddles to deal with. And I got plenty of wrath, let me tell you. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/71 "2000-06-27T13:37:37Z")
Not only will I not interfere, but I will be happy to apply lotion to your lustrous skin, your delicate curves, your… Just gimme the damn Tropicana, mmmmkay? ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/72 "2000-06-27T13:43:06Z")
I think it’s about time I start standing in Swiddles sun just to see what kind of wrath she unleashes, especially if Cynical is nearby. Myabe I can eliminate competition. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/73 "2000-06-27T13:54:26Z")
Boy, don’t make me take out the dart-gun again… ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/74 "2000-06-27T14:01:47Z")
:::downs some gummiberry juice, jumps out of the bushes, pounces on mully, stabs him in the side below the ribs at an upward angle with the bamboo shoot, rolls forward, springs up and does a capoeira kick to mr.cynicals face, pokes him in the eyes and steals the tropicana, runs into the jungle bushes again, and disappears::: hah! how 'bout them curves now buddy! :::takes a few swigs of the OJ::: ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/75 "2000-06-27T14:04:33Z")
thanks! ::swiddles takes a nap:: ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/76 "2000-06-27T14:14:13Z")
(long action sequence follows) ::Crawling through the jungle after being kicked in the head by soulsling:: ::Startled by discovery of skeleton:: ::Curious about odd uniform on said skeleton:: ::realizing that it is abandoned Japanese soldier:: ::noticing hand grenade on utility belt:: ::Removing hand grenade:: ::sniffing the air for paba:: ::crawling to the secret lair of soulsling, who has the Tropicana:: ::Pulling pin:: ::lobbing grenade at soulsling’s feet:: ::watching surprised expression on soulsling’s face:: ::smiling contentedly as grenade explodes:: ::burying soulsling’s remains:: ::gnawing on a rib bone:: ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/77 "2000-06-27T14:22:30Z")
:::crawl out from behind tree where he watched mr.cynical blow up soulslings stunt double. what a great job that guy did, too bad about him, oh well, looks like i have to do my own stunts now. damn::: :::sips some more OJ. smiles::: ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/78 "2000-06-27T14:36:56Z")
After realizing that soulsling did a magnificent job of stabbing the rat pelt I was using to keep myself covered from the dangerous rays of the sun, I set out on my hunt to find and bag the wily soulsling, otherwise none as acrobatus stuntdoublus. My weapons of choice, crude nunchuks fashioned from pineapple, tree sap, and Swiddles string bikini. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/79 "2000-06-27T14:40:02Z")
::throwing second grenade:: ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2000, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/80 "2000-06-27T14:41:43Z")
Hi Swiddles! I thought I’d offer my services. You know, I can fetch things for you. If we can form an alliance, we’re sure to be the last ones left on the island! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191.md?page=5)