# The Straight Doper's Survivor **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 22, 2000, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191 "2000-06-22T14:58:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/121 "2000-06-29T13:40:35Z")
Due to an unfortunate incident, I will be forced to leave the island immediately. Best of luck to the remaining survivors. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/122 "2000-06-29T14:37:21Z")
I KNEW he was eating the wierd mushooms. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/123 "2000-06-29T14:40:15Z")
So, just the three of us. Swiddles, let’s for a secret alliance against soulsling. He has been pretty quiet recently, maybe a little too quiet. ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/124 "2000-06-29T16:00:16Z")
:::returning with dirt stains all over his face and body, soulsling bears a huge **DIAMOND** the size of a coconut dug up from the horrific depths of the island::: hey **Swiddles**! you around here somewhere? i’m gonna make an honest woman outta ya the right way! ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/125 "2000-06-29T16:51:55Z")
Good God, I leave the boards for two hours to do WORK, and I come back to a giant diamond and a diabolical island domination plan. Some girls get all the luck! Mully, how can I form an alliance against someone who is doing such a masterful job of sucking up? And soul, it takes more than a bigassdiamond to make an honest girl out of ole’ Swiddles 😉 Today’s special is a Mango Banana Smoothy. Any takers? HEY! is that Jimmy Buffett being air dropped? ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/126 "2000-06-29T17:01:10Z")
yeah, i ordered Jimmy dropped just for you 😃 ok, so maybe not completely honest, wouldn’t be fun otherwise. so how 'bout these tickets to a remote paradise island somewhere for a month with all the free food, wine, waitstaff, tailors at your beck and call, and … oh , wait, were there already… ok… i’ll be back… and i’ll take a smoothy too. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/127 "2000-06-29T17:07:39Z")
Swiddles, just a friendly hint. That “diamond” was dropped on the island by a cargo plane that I say fly by early this morning. What makes this even more interesting is that I saw the letters QVC on the side of the plane. Now, let’s get back to diabolical scheming. I’ll meet you by the cave near the hot springs. ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/128 "2000-06-29T17:17:52Z")
hey **Mully** , you lookin’ for a fight? stop playing dirty, this here diamond is the real thing. dug it up with my bare virtual hands. pure virtual diamond doesn’t come any clearer than this pal. {thats it, i’m gonna gettim!} :::calls up QVC and orders an Abrams, some AT-4’s, one M1 sniper rifle, one M16-A1 rifle, one 9mmBaretta, some throwing knives, two bayonets, one crate of ammo, one crate of grenades; impact and shrapnel, one crate of smoke grenades, fishing line, one crate of claymores, a 12volt battery, flak vest, seal shoes, jungle boots, web vest and gear, 5 day assault pack, one crate of MRE’s…::: {he he, oh yeah mully, gonna get you know :D} ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/129 "2000-06-29T17:40:11Z")
Unfortunately, I already called up the Home Shopping Network and ordered the Susan Lucci “Impervious and Indestructible Make-up Kit.” I have applied the eyeshadow over my entire body rendering me completely immune to your heavy handed war like tactics. ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/130 "2000-06-29T17:45:28Z")
{damn!} :::dials up QVC, cancels order, places new order for juice maker and some soap and shampoo, and places an order for a setting for the diamond::: {hope this fits…} allways gotta have it your way huh mully? well, you look funny that way now you know, if your nice, i’ll lend you some soap and shampoo. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/131 "2000-06-29T18:13:12Z")
::watching from secret underground lair:: Heh heh heh, I shall let them contend with themselves, while I relax here with my portable TV, watching the playboy channel from the sattelite dish I made from coconut shells and palm fronds! I shall have to turn up the power on the air conditioner I’ve made from sponges, vines, a small stone, and a bananna. It uses the power of the waves to conduct cooling air through my fortress of solitude. ::sipping on a Fat Tire:: Aaahhhhhh ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/132 "2000-06-29T18:51:45Z")
::Swiddles climbs back in the tree with her smoothy and her cat.:: ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2000, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/133 "2000-06-29T22:01:48Z")
:::Soul leaves the diamond at the foot of Swiddles tree, then wades out into the ocean for a swim::: ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/134 "2000-06-30T00:00:26Z")
What’s the deal? The person who kills the thread is the survivor? hee hee hee! ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/135 "2000-06-30T11:21:22Z")
Looks like I’m the only one left standing on the sand. ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/136 "2000-06-30T13:11:37Z")
:::while at sea, soul calls in an air drop of fire ants, 20 tons of fire ants, on the island…::: 😃 have fun kids. :::sings “life goes on” by the beatles::: ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/137 "2000-06-30T13:37:50Z")
Yummy! ::pours chocolate on said ants:: Anyone wanna treat? ::munch munch munch:: ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/138 "2000-06-30T13:44:14Z")
:::orders another air drop of chocolate right on Mr.Cynicals head::: bastard! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/139 "2000-06-30T13:55:59Z")
Yummy! ::looking around excitedly:: Anyone into food erotica? Have a lick! ::dipping pineapple slices into clavicle depression:: Mmmmm, mmmmmmmm, good! ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/140 "2000-06-30T14:25:52Z")
::Swiddles peaks out of the trees, sees the ground crawling with something, Mr. Cyn covered in something gooey and brown, soul doing the doggie paddle in the bay, Mully screaming “I WIN! I’M THE ONLY ONE STANDING IN SAND!” and decides to stay where she’s safe. But then she sees a twinkle on the ground…:: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191.md?page=8)