# The Straight Doper's Survivor **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 22, 2000, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191 "2000-06-22T14:58:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/141 "2000-06-30T14:29:17Z")
::Mr. Cynical surreptitiously presses the button in his utility belt, which activates a system of pulleys attached to a string tied around the diamond:: snicker snicker snicker ::Mr. Cynical watches as the diamond is slowly, teasingly pulled toward his underground lair:: ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/142 "2000-06-30T14:35:29Z")
:::smiles as he watches the escapades of the foolish ant eating chocolate covered people on the beach, and as the diamond meant for swiddles is whisked away, develops a plan…::: ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/143 "2000-06-30T14:38:15Z")
::Swiddles rubs her eyes, attributes the moving sparkling dot to alchohol induced dehydration, shrugs, and screams “Jesus, what the hell did you do to Cyn?” before retiring back to her hammock.:: ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/144 "2000-06-30T16:49:38Z")
I refuse to let this thread die! I will be the Survivor thread survivor! ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/145 "2000-06-30T16:55:13Z")
No you won’t. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/146 "2000-06-30T16:58:32Z")
Will so. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/147 "2000-06-30T17:03:44Z")
::Swiddles emerges from her tree, enraged by Cyn’s obvious attempts to WIN, covers his already chocolate laden self with a mixture of cane sugar and lukewarm water. The fireants perk up considerably:: ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/148 "2000-06-30T17:40:53Z")
As does Mr. Cynical! ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/149 "2000-06-30T17:49:15Z")
:::meanwhile, soul paints Mr.Cynical with a laser while the fly boys come in and blast the sucker with a few sidewinders::: ah well. wasn’t my island to win over anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/150 "2000-06-30T18:30:19Z")
Ha ha! Should have done your research! ::Mr. Cynical, upon realizing that he’s being painted, thinks fondly back to his military service:: As a former [LANTIRN](http://www.lmco.com/LANTIRN/info.html) troop, I know a little bit about this stuff. ::casually smiles, recalling the the fact that a Sidewinder is an air-to-air missle:: Oops, there it goes, chasing the sun. A maverick would have been a better choice. Fortunately, I know how to fool them as well. Better swim fast, what goes up must come down. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/151 "2000-06-30T18:34:17Z")
::Swiddles notices that Mully has been absent all day:: Cyn, did you EAT Mully? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/152 "2000-06-30T18:54:48Z")
_burp_ ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/153 "2000-06-30T19:08:00Z")
soul, I think the time has come to oust our cannibalistic friend. I’ll distract him with my feminine wiles,you kosh him over the head with a log. Oooooh, Cyyyyyyyn… ::batting eye lashes furiously:: ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/154 "2000-06-30T19:10:10Z")
Hello there, pretty lady! My name’s Brian, and I’m a sagittarius, and _BONK_ ::lying unconscious on the ground:: ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/155 "2000-06-30T19:14:45Z")
Hee hee hee, no one has seen my behind this plant all day. I’ll just let them fight it out and then claim the prize. What a plan. They’ll never find me. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/156 "2000-06-30T20:28:01Z")
::looking up:: What the hell did you do that for? ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/157 "2000-06-30T22:58:51Z")
eh, what do i know, i’m just infantry. :::whips out his bayonet, and effectively inserts pointy end into Mr.Cynical rendering him… well… pretty useless, so he drags the fella out to the beach, sets him on a raft, lights it on fire and sets it adrift::: oh Muuuuuullllllleeeeeeeeeee! :::glint in souls eye catches off the sun as his bayonet finds it’s way back into his fist again…::: ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2000, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/158 "2000-06-30T22:59:06Z")
::Swiddles look left, right, and runs like hell.:: ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/159 "2000-07-01T00:35:04Z")
Of course, those of us with Viking blood aren’t too much pahsed by blazing rafts, it’s like going to Valhalla! I’ll be back, oh yes, I’ll be back. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2000, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191/160 "2000-07-01T15:26:13Z")
I just didn’t want Cyn to win the thread, especially after his unfortunate demise. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-straight-dopers-survivor/23191.md?page=9)