# The Stupid Joke Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 17, 2018, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464 "2018-09-17T00:27:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2018, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/41 "2018-09-17T20:34:39Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > How do you know if you have elephants in your refrigerator? Look for footprints in the butter. How do you know if you have two elephants in your refrigerator? **Two** sets of footprints in the butter ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2018, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/42 "2018-09-17T20:41:48Z")
> [@Ashtura](#): > > What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? > > Robin, get in the car. > > Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? > > Repeated absences and stealing. > > What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? > > An ambulance, due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound. I don’t get the middle one. Is that one of those “jokes that aren’t jokes?” or am I dense? My favorite joke of all time: Did you head about the two radio antennas who got married? The wedding was ok, but the reception was great! ---
**Author:** ![Map\_Ylow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/map_ylow/32/85_2.png) [@Map\_Ylow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Map_Ylow)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2018, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/43 "2018-09-17T20:43:57Z")
What’s black and white and read all over? A newspaper. Knock knock. Who’s there? Gorilla. Gorilla who? You’re the gorilla my dreams. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2018, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/44 "2018-09-17T20:54:17Z")
Did you hear about the thieves who stole a calendar? They each got 6 months. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2018, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/45 "2018-09-17T20:54:55Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > Why does Snoop carry an umbrella? > > Fo’ drizzle. How does Snoop like his steaks? Ta’ sizzle. ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2018, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/46 "2018-09-17T20:55:00Z")
A: What’s the difference between an elephant and a jar of instant coffee? B: I don’t know. A: I’m not going to send you grocery shopping, then. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2018, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/47 "2018-09-17T20:58:24Z")
How do you know if there’s\* five\* elephants in your refrigerator? Pink mini-minor parked out the front ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2018, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/48 "2018-09-17T20:59:48Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > The Thunder God went for a ride > Upon his favorite filly. > “I’M THOR!” he cried. > The horse replied, > “You forgot your thaddle, thilly.” I love this. I first read it in Boys Life back in about 1961 or 62. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2018, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/49 "2018-09-17T21:20:18Z")
> [@Sir\_T-Cups](#): > > I don’t get the middle one. Is that one of those “jokes that aren’t jokes?” or am I dense? I think all three are anti-jokes. I know the traditional, actual-joke punchline to the middle one is “Because she threw out all the W’s”. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2018, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/50 "2018-09-17T22:09:44Z")
_What’s the difference between toilet paper and a shower curtain?_ I don’t know, what? _So **you’re** the one!_ ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2018, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/51 "2018-09-17T22:12:05Z")
Knock, knock. _Who’s there?_ Ya. _Ya who?_ Wow, you’re sure excited to see me! Knock, knock. _Who’s there?_ I am. _I am who?_ If _you_ don’t know, how do you expect _me_ to? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2018, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/52 "2018-09-17T22:17:25Z")
How do you get down off an elephant? You don’t. You get down off a duck. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2018, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/53 "2018-09-17T23:31:20Z")
Q: What’s brown and comes out of the back of Cowes? [spoiler]A: The Port Phillip ferry Ok, it’s now called the Westernport ferry, and it’s probably not brown any more. But I was young once 🙂 [/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2018, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/54 "2018-09-18T02:15:57Z")
Q: Why is the sky so high? A: So birds don’t bump their heads. Q: What word has three syllables but only one letter? A:“Envelope” ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2018, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/55 "2018-09-18T02:28:54Z")
Why do girls like guys who have eight buttons on their shirt? Because they fasten eight. (fascinate) And here’s a joke I made up: Why does Snoop Dogg like Montreal? Because there’s lots of pot holes. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2018, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/56 "2018-09-18T04:12:02Z")
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tip-toed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: “Jesus is watching you!” Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. “Jesus is watching you,” the voice boomed again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: “Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?” “Yes”, said the parrot. The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: “What’s your name?” “Clarence,” said the bird. “That’s a dumb name for a parrot,” sneered the burglar. “What idiot named you Clarence?” The parrot says, “The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus.” ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2018, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/57 "2018-09-18T09:23:12Z")
I once built a wooden car. It had a wooden body, wooden engine, and wooden go. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2018, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/58 "2018-09-18T09:40:25Z")
What’s neurotic and lives on Mars? Woody Alien What do you call a fish with no eyes? fsh ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2018, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/59 "2018-09-18T13:19:39Z")
Little Johnny is staring out the window at school. Annoyed, the teacher asks, “What are you looking at, Johnny?” “I’m lookin’ at the boids.” “They’re not “boids”, they’re birds.” “Well, they choips like boids.” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2018, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/60 "2018-09-18T13:53:42Z")
Who came into the bar after the 16 grams of sodium? Batman (Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464.md?page=4)