# The Stupid Joke Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 17, 2018, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464 "2018-09-17T00:27:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2018, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/61 "2018-09-18T16:49:21Z")
^ [nitpick] It really doesn’t make sense to call each “na” a gram. Maybe replace “the 16 grams of sodium” with “16 sodium atoms”? It usually said something like this: Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar… followed by Batman. And then sing the song after a puzzled look. [/nitpick] ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2018, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/62 "2018-09-18T16:51:07Z")
> [@Peter\_Morris](#): > > What’s neurotic and lives on Mars? I was going to guess Elon Musk. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2018, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/63 "2018-09-18T18:26:13Z")
What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike? Attire. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2018, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/64 "2018-09-18T18:41:13Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > Why does Snoop carry an umbrella? > > Fo’ drizzle. > [@cochrane](#): > > How does Snoop like his steaks? > > Ta’ sizzle. How does Snoop keep his whites super-white? With blee-ach. And in the non-joke vein, what’s blue and smells like paint? Blue paint. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2018, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/65 "2018-09-18T18:49:50Z")
Professor Pavlov is sitting in a bar when he hears a phone ring. He jumps up and exclaims, “Oh, crap! I forgot to feed the dogs!” ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2018, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/66 "2018-09-18T19:09:44Z")
Stolen from Car Talk: What’s the difference between a snake and a Yugo? You can count the rattles on a snake. ---
**Author:** ![BwanaBob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bwanabob/32/2985_2.png) [@BwanaBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BwanaBob)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2018, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/67 "2018-09-18T20:07:53Z")
> [@notfrommensa](#): > > How do you say “three Kitty’s drowned” in French? > > Un Deux Trois Cat Sank I heard the analogue to this. How do you say four people drowned in Spanish? Quattro Cinco ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2018, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/68 "2018-09-18T21:07:26Z")
What’s gray and yellow and gray and yellow and gray and yellow and gray and yellow and gray and yellow? An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2018, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/69 "2018-09-18T21:34:26Z")
Q. What’s invisible and smells like carrots? A. Bunny farts. Q. Why do farts stink? A. So that deaf people can appreciate them, too. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2018, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/70 "2018-09-18T22:54:24Z")
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a glass of beer and a mop. ---
**Author:** ![Sloe\_Moe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sloe\_Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sloe_Moe)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2018, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/71 "2018-09-18T23:33:17Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Who came into the bar after the 16 grams of sodium? > > Batman (Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN) That’s 16 atoms. ---
**Author:** ![CharmaChameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@CharmaChameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CharmaChameleon)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2018, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/72 "2018-09-19T03:09:52Z")
What’s the difference between a bassoon and an accordion? … … A bassoon burns faster, but an accordion burns hotter. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2018, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/73 "2018-09-19T04:05:09Z")
A classic: a: Knock knock b: Who’s there? a: Interrupting cow b: inter… a: MOOOOO! ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2018, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/74 "2018-09-19T04:46:30Z")
Q. What do you call a groupie who hangs out with bands? A. A drummer. I stole this one from Benny Hill: “We call our little dog Teeny, cause he’s the teeniest. We call our big dog Meany, cause he’s the meaniest. And we call the last dog Liberace, cause he’s the peein’est!” Another one shamelessly stolen from Benny Hill: “Why do graveyards have walls? 'Tis queer beyond a doubt. The people on the outside don’t want to come in, And the people on the inside surely can’t come out!” One more Benny Hill one: “Please don’t blame our doggy. It’s not his fault at all. Someone left a wet umbrella Standing in the hall.” ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2018, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/75 "2018-09-19T09:24:23Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > “Why do graveyards have walls? > 'Tis queer beyond a doubt. > The people on the outside don’t want to come in, > And the people on the inside surely can’t come out!” Leading on to: Have you heard about the extremely popular cemetery? People are dying to get in. ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2018, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/76 "2018-09-19T13:14:54Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bike? > > Attire. That joke did make me laugh. Clever 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2018, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/77 "2018-09-19T13:17:12Z")
How did the skunk contact his girlfriend? He used his smell phone. What did one eye say to the other? Between you and me, something smells. A boy went to a fish market and bought two fish, but when he came home, he had three. How can that be? He got two herrings - and one smelt. Meh. My jokes stink. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2018, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/78 "2018-09-19T13:39:43Z")
> [@Peter\_Morris](#): > > What do you call a fish with no eyes? > > fsh What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2018, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/79 "2018-09-19T13:55:18Z")
What time was it when John Denver recorded, “Take Me Home, Country Roads”? Almost seven. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2018, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/80 "2018-09-19T14:23:36Z")
What is Harry Potter’s favorite method of getting down a hill? Walking … jk rolling [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464.md?page=5)