# The Stupid Joke Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 17, 2018, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464 "2018-09-17T00:27:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2018, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/101 "2018-09-20T17:17:42Z")
Or maybe a Stubborn Beauty IPA (which really exists). ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2018, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/102 "2018-09-20T17:31:08Z")
> [@Map\_Ylow](#): > > A duck walks into a bar, asks the bartender “Got any grapes?” The bartender says no; the duck walks out. > The duck walks in again the next night: “Got any grapes?” The answer is again a no; the duck walks out. > Next night, the same deal: “Got any grapes?” No, says the bartender; the duck walks out. > Same thing next night, “Got any grapes?” This time the bartender gets mad and says “Look, duck, I’ve told you for three nights running that we don’t serve grapes here! The next time you come in here and ask me that, I’m gonna nail your beak to the floor.” Duck walks out… > Duck walks back in the very next night. > “Got any nails?” > “No…” > “Got any grapes?” Here is the musical version of this (all 3 ‘episodes’ in one, with a nice twist): [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECmpUJdgm-g](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECmpUJdgm-g) > [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > Two chickpeas are walking down the street when one chickpea starts to vomit. > The other chickpea asks, “Are you okay?” and the chickpea answers, > > “No, I falafel!” Speaking of chickpeas, do you know the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? You wouldn’y pay $100 to have a lentil on your face. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2018, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/103 "2018-09-20T19:15:09Z")
You know what they say about a man with big feet don’t you? He needs to buy large shoes ---
**Author:** ![Hopeful\_Crow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/da6949/32.png) [@Hopeful\_Crow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hopeful_Crow)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2018, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/104 "2018-09-20T19:41:39Z")
Did you hear that YouTube, Twitter and Facebook are merging into one giant company? It’ll be called YouTwitFace. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elephino. (Hell if I know.) ---
**Author:** ![bartleby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bartleby/32/10491_2.png) [@bartleby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bartleby)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2018, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/105 "2018-09-20T21:04:39Z")
What has four legs and says “AAAAAAAAA”? A sheep with no lips. ---
**Author:** ![AngelSoft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angelsoft/32/440_2.png) [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2018, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/106 "2018-09-20T22:33:06Z")
A doctor is getting ready to write out a prescription for a patient and reaches into his coat pocket for his pen. Instead, he pulls out a rectal thermometer. Looking at it, he sighs, annoyed and says “You know what this means? Some asshole’s got my pen.” ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/107 "2018-09-21T00:09:12Z")
> [@Dead\_Cat](#): > > Speaking of chickpeas, do you know the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? > > You wouldn’y pay $100 to have a lentil on your face. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef! ---
**Author:** ![Treppenwitz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treppenwitz/32/3445_2.png) [@Treppenwitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Treppenwitz)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2018, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/108 "2018-10-02T19:46:26Z")
> [@catflea12](#): > > How can you tell if there’s an elephant under your bed? The ceiling is very close. (sorry, I don’t know how to do a spoiler box) Me either, which provoked me to do some digging - and I found this: [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/misc.php?do=bbcode](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/misc.php?do=bbcode). Seems simple so here goes: What 14 letter word begins with N, ends with N and means constipation? NNNNNNNNNNNNNN… j ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2018, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/109 "2018-10-02T21:12:20Z")
Q. How do you catch a unique bird? A. Unique up on it from behind. Q. How do you catch a tame bird? A. The tame way. ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2018, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/110 "2018-10-02T21:32:16Z")
How do you put an elephant in the freezer? Open the door, and walk the elephant in. How do you put a giraffe in a freezer? Remove the elephant, and walk the giraffe in. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2018, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/111 "2018-10-02T22:33:01Z")
What did the blonde exclaim when she opened the box of Cheerios? “Wow! Donut seeds!” ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2018, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/112 "2018-10-02T22:56:18Z")
> [@CurrlyD](#): > > My favorite elephant joke: > > What’s red and white on the outside and gray on the inside? > > A can of Campbell’s Elephant Soup Similar to my favorite joke as a wee one: What’s grey and lumpy and comes in a can? Cream of Elephant Soup! ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464/113 "2018-10-03T01:25:17Z")
I’m reading a horror book in Braille. Something bad is going to happen. I can feel it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupid-joke-thread/821464.md?page=5)