# The stupidest thing I have ever heard an American in Europe say. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 27, 2001, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687 "2001-05-27T15:48:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2001, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/41 "2001-05-28T18:32:05Z")
This wasn’t in Europe, but Asia. It wasn’t so much dumb as stupid+rude. On the street in Madras, India, a vendor of fresh coconuts was using a machete to lop off one end of the coconuts. He stuck in a straw and you sipped out the sweet liquid. Then he sliced it in half and scooped out the tender translucent flesh for you to eat. It cost the equivalent of a few pennies. The Tamil coconut man was thin, dark-skinned, and quiet. His motions were rapid, economical, and efficient. In line ahead of me was a bearded man with a backpack (I couldn’t tell if he was American or Canadian). He handed over a 10-rupee note and the coconut man gave him a couple coins in change. The backpack guy said, “I don’t want your change.” The vendor, not understanding, offered the change again. Backpack shouted vilely, “I told you I don’t want your change! Keep it!” Then repeated it. I wanted to punch the asshole’s teeth down his vile throat and only remembered Gandhi and nonviolence just in time. As for Europe, I remember standing on a balcony in Sorrento, Italy, looking out over a supernaturally glorious sunset over the Mediterranean. The light, the colors, the sea, the clouds were just ecstatic. The middleaged American lady next to me said, “Gosh, it looks just like a painting, doesn’t it?” A _painting?!?!?!_ Dumb, now, dumb is a universal language. I was standing in line in a post office in Petaling Jaya, Malaysia. Ahead of me, my Polish friend Bogdan Kopanski was mailing a large manila envelope clearly addressed to the “Embassy of Poland / Kuala Lumpur.” The Malay postal clerk charged him an exorbitant amount of postage. Enough postage to mail the envelope first class all the way to _Warsaw_, in fact. Bogdan rightfully upbraided the guy for not even reading the damn address all the way through. ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2001, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/42 "2001-05-28T20:19:00Z")
Scene: Konopiste, Archduke Ferdinand’s Hunting Lodge, Czech Republic. **Tourist couple** : “What do you call that?” **Czech tour guide** : “It’s a battle-axe.” **Tourist couple** : “And what is that?” **Czech tour guide** : “As you can see from the shape, it’s armor for a horse.” **Tourist couple** : “And what is that spear-thing?” **Czech tour guide** : “I don’t know if there is an English word for it, but in Czech we call it \_\_\_\_.” **Loud aside, tourist husband to tourist wife** “I thought they said the guides speak _English_ here.” _Magdalene sinks into hole that has suddenly opened in the ground to swallow her embarrassment._ Scene: European Geopolitics Class, Prague, Czech Republic. **Professor Hnizdo** : “The vote to join the European Union was very close in some countries. You had cases where different ethno-linguistic votes voted completely differently. For example, in Switzerland, the German-speaking population voted one way, the French-speaking population voted the other way, and the Italian speaking people voted this way.” **Carolyn, my dumbass classmate** : “How did the Swiss-speaking people vote?” _Giant hole opens in classroom floor to swallow Magdalene_. Scene: Silver Mines, Kutna Hora, Czech Republic. **Professor Roubalova, my Czech Language teacher** : “I am worried about Carolyn. She cannot even find her place in the book. How will she find her way through the mines?” Scene: Toy Museum, Prague, Czech Republic. Dollhouse room. **Elderly British Couple** : “I hear the Queen had a lovely dollhouse.” **My kick-ass roommate Madhavi** : “Oh, really?” **Elderly British Couple** : “Yes, much grander than this one.” **Madhavi** : “Have you seen it?” **E.B.C.** : “No, actually, we haven’t.” **Madhavi** : “Well, how do you know it’s nicer? It could be a tiny, crappy little dollhouse.” **E.B.C.** : “Oh, we doubt that very much. Everything is grander in England.” **Madhavi** : “Really. Do you think she still plays with it? Is it her _very favorite_ toy?” \*E.B.C. stares at Madhavi wide-eyed. Magdalene collapses in helpless laughter behind dollhouse. Exeunt. \* All I would add to haj’s and matt\_mcl’s instructions for travelers is this: Some countries are not as well off as the U.S. The dollar is strong there. Things are comparatively cheap. In some cases, amazingly cheap. Pray do not go on and on and on and on (and on) about the cheapness of the living in front of the locals as you spend their monthly salary on dinner or trinkets. It doesn’t endear you. ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2001, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/43 "2001-05-28T21:13:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Darqangelle \* > **In Canada’s defence, I have to mention that quite a number of times I’ve seen Americans sew a Canadian flag on their backpack because they feel they’d get treated differently. It didn’t change their ATTITUDE while travelling, just the presumption that now that they’re ‘Canadian’, they can behave like idiots and get away with it .** Darqangelle, there are _genuine_ Canadians who apparently hold the same presumption. Trust me on this one. Anyway, just to balance things out a bit, let me talk about the stupid European tourists I had to deal with when I worked at Tower Records in Greenwich Village. For example, the ones who bitched at us because they had to pay sales tax. No kidding, I actually encountered a few who not only thought they _shouldn’t_ have to pay tax because they’re foreigners - which itself would be moderately understandable, since their countries generally give VAT refunds to tourists - but who actually attempted to \*argue \* the point with us (no, of course we don’t actually _know_ the law better than you, Mr Straight-Off-The-Boat, and if we do we’re not applying it because - what - the _shop_ makes money off a _government tax_ or something???) and one charming pair even told the supervisor I had to call that the least she could do was _violate the law_ for them since it wasn’t a fair law anyway. Yes, it does go to show you, idiocy knows no nationality. ---
**Author:** ![passerby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a88e57/32.png) [@passerby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/passerby)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2001, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/44 "2001-05-28T21:41:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by magdalene \* > All I would add to haj’s and matt\_mcl’s instructions for travelers is this: > > Some countries are not as well off as the U.S. The dollar is strong there. Things are comparatively cheap. In some cases, amazingly cheap. Pray do not go on and on and on and on (and on) about the cheapness of the living in front of the locals as you spend their monthly salary on dinner or trinkets. It doesn’t endear you. [hijack] But let’s say I was well off and I traveled to one such country where the dollar was strong. Would it be good for international relations if I walked into a bar or two and bought a round of beer for everybody? I suppose it’ll depend on local customs and how much charm I put into it, but generally speaking? [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2001, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/45 "2001-05-28T23:15:57Z")
Passerby: in Amsterdam, you’ll be welcomed with open arms. Not that we’re a particularly poor country or anything. But we’re never offended by a free beer. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2001, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/46 "2001-05-28T23:29:02Z")
As a mail sorter in Sydney, I’m amazed at the number of Americans sending postcards home who spell it “S\*\*i\*dney”. Now, you might be excused for spelling the name of a city incorrectly, but the name of a city you’ve spent thousands of dollars travelling to? Weird. I don’t go anywhere overseas without _at the very least_ spending an hour or so on the internet checking it out. And the two dumbest things I’ve heard a fellow Australian say (both from the same person) occured as we were watching the weather report on TV: - “What do those little numbers next to the cities mean?” - “What season is it in New Zealand now?” Stupidity knows no borders. ---
**Author:** ![passerby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a88e57/32.png) [@passerby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/passerby)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2001, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/47 "2001-05-28T23:35:39Z")
Coldfire: Not Amsterdam! I lived there for six months. I remember getting there… 😃 Great beer, great bars, great people. ---
**Author:** ![sjc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@sjc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sjc)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/48 "2001-05-29T03:08:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Coldfire \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by sjc \* > > **Maybe this qualifies (probably not): While I was in Amsterdam I went out with my friend and her boyfriend. As we were walking he said “We’ll have to go to a drug dealer and buy you a bike.” For a second I thought he was serious. Turns out that drug dealers selling stolen bikes is a problem that the authorities are trying to crack down on (I think). It _is_ kind of hard to get irony/sarcasm when you are new and the speaker has a heavy Dutch accent.** > > Hmmm. He probably meant to say “drug addict”. Junkies steal bikes and sell them for 25 Guilders or so to get money for, you guessed it, more drugs - of the non-canabis type. When you get caught in such a transaction, both yourself and the junkie are stiffly fined: you’re supposed to know a bicycle is worth more than 25 Guilders. _Dealers_ selling bikes would be new to me. \*\* Terribly sorry, it has been awhile since this happened to me, and it didn’t make a **really** deep impression on me at the time. I believe he actually said Junkie or drug addict. My mistake, I didn’t mean to cast aspersions on the drug dealers of Amsterdam. Thanks for clearing that up for me. ---
**Author:** ![sjc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e5b9ba/32.png) [@sjc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sjc)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/49 "2001-05-29T03:27:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by magdalene \* > \*\*Scene: European Geopolitics Class, Prague, Czech Republic. > > **Professor Hnizdo** : “The vote to join the European Union was very close in some countries. You had cases where different ethno-linguistic votes voted completely differently. For example, in Switzerland, the German-speaking population voted one way, the French-speaking population voted the other way, and the Italian speaking people voted this way.” > **Carolyn, my dumbass classmate** : “How did the Swiss-speaking people vote?” > _Giant hole opens in classroom floor to swallow Magdalene_. > > \*\* A case could be made for saying that the German speakers are the Swiss speaking people. It is a weak case, I know, and it doesn’t explain her stupidity, but Swiss-German is quite distinct from German-German (or so I’ve been told, I don’t speak either. I have _heard_ both spoken and I can say that they do seem to sound different). Anyway, if you didn’t know anything about the country it would be a natural mistake to make even if it is ignorant. ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/50 "2001-05-29T12:12:38Z")
There is only one language that’s exclusively Swiss: Romantsch. You could make a stronger case for that being the “Swiss language”, if any there be, except that only a tiny fraction of the population can speak it, and it’s limited to a few remote valleys in the canton of Graubünden. It most closely resembles (to my ear) rustic Northern Italian dialects, but it’s written in a German-influenced orthography. ---
**Author:** ![Andy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/aeb1de/32.png) [@Andy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/51 "2001-05-29T12:27:24Z")
A Brit in the US turned to me and, with childlike delight in his eyes, said “Wow, they have Heinz Tomato Ketchup here!” :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/52 "2001-05-29T14:32:39Z")
Not so much stupid as sweet this one, but here it is anyway. I was travelling in a hotel minibus in Seattle, sitting next to an elderly couple from, IIRC, Texas. They were grumbling to eachother about the price of fuel - it was about $1 a gallon at the time. I leaned over and, to give them something to think about, pointed out that in the UK it costs more like $5 a gallon. A little silence. The elderly woman asks me “and people still _drive_ in England? Do they drive to work?” I confirm that this is the case. There is a little more silence. Then the old guy turns to his wife. “Of course in England everybody drives Minis…” pan ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/53 "2001-05-29T14:53:46Z")
…overheard in an outdoor cafe in the South of France… American tourist, to wife “What are we gonna do with all of this CHANGE?” Seems that he just didn’t grasp the fact that coin currency is acceptable as a form of payment. If it wasn’t PAPER currency, then it couldn’t have much value. Yeesh. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/54 "2001-05-29T15:01:08Z")
Grizz: Maybe they meant when they get home. Currency exchange places will not accept coins. ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/55 "2001-05-29T15:18:01Z")
To tourist guide at Runnymeade: “Excuse me Sir, when was the Magna Carta signed” “1215, Madam” “See Hank, I said we shoulda come this mornin’” ---
**Author:** ![Tomcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Tomcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tomcat)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/56 "2001-05-29T18:22:22Z")
Got a day or two? I live in Prague. Something like 15,000 Americans live here and, unfortunately, not one compares to my own flesh and blood while on tour through Europe… #1 “Boy, tha shore iz different.” #2 “Why do people ride the trams here? Back home, I got me 3 cars!” #3 “Hmmm…I don’t know about thatttt…Can’t you haggle or something for the bill here?” (Said at a restaurant) Thank you Uncle Dick, Err, I mean Richard… But I do love the pantomime that some Jewish lady performed at the castle one day: “How doooo IIIII WWWWWAAAAALLLLKKKK TTTOOO TTTHHHHEEEE BBBRRIIIIDDDGGGE?” The local being interogated: “???!?” “WWWWWAAALLLLKKKKK!!!” (Insert picture of 40-ish Jewish mother with Gucci sunglasses and a permed-doo duck-stepping to show the verb ‘to walk’) “WWWWWaaaalllllkkkkkinnnngggg…” At this point I, err, stepped in, and gave her directions down the hill. And sometimes, just sometimes, I feel like pick-pocketing the tourists myself. You’ve been warned dozens of times about the thiefs here, yet you stick your $250 camera in your loose jacket pocket and get on a metro? AAAgggghhhh!!! Idiots! -Tcat ---
**Author:** ![Nimue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d26b3c/32.png) [@Nimue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nimue)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/57 "2001-05-29T19:16:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Andy \* > **A Brit in the US turned to me and, with childlike delight in his eyes, said "Wow, they have Heinz Tomato Ketchup here!"** I saw a biography show on Heinz recently. Apparently he was such a fantastic salesman and so successful at marketing Heinz products in the UK, that the people here actually thought (and some still do) that his brand originated here. ---
**Author:** ![PolarField](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b77776/32.png) [@PolarField](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PolarField)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/58 "2001-05-29T21:16:50Z")
In a huge book chain here in Los Angeles I heard a girl explosively blurt to her French boyfriend, “The only book you’ve ever read in your entire life was Harry Potter?! In FRENCH!?!” “…it was very good! We should go eat. You are not going to spend money on these things are you? They are very expensive.” That thirty year-old French guy’s knowledge of the literary world came solely from a translated copy of Harry Potter. I’m still shaking my head over that one. ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2001, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/59 "2001-05-29T21:48:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tomcat \* > > And sometimes, just sometimes, I feel like pick-pocketing the tourists myself. You’ve been warned dozens of times about the thieves here, yet you stick your $250 camera in your loose jacket pocket and get on a metro? AAAgggghhhh!!! Idiots! > > -Tcat Tom, sometime you should sit upstairs at Cafe Milena (Across from the clock on Staromestke Namesti) and watch the pickpockets at work - everyone’s eyes are fixed on the clock, their cameras (and therefore elbows) are in the air, and they are paying attention to _nothing_ that goes on around them. It’s pickpocket heaven. ---
**Author:** ![Andy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/aeb1de/32.png) [@Andy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2001, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687/60 "2001-05-30T08:46:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nimue \* > I saw a biography show on Heinz recently. Apparently he was such a fantastic salesman and so successful at marketing Heinz products in the UK, that the people here actually thought (and some still do) that his brand originated here. I think you’re right, I have the feeling that a _majority_ of people think Heinz is British. I mean how many Brits really know the nationality associated with your local friendly neighbourhood Spar shop? Not many I’d guess. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-stupidest-thing-i-have-ever-heard-an-american-in-europe-say/66687.md?page=4)