# The Superhero Power/Trivial Use Game **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 6, 2004, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302 "2004-11-06T02:07:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/1 "2004-11-06T02:07:47Z")
Complete this sentence: If I had (Superhero’s name) powers, I would (trivial act). I decided to post this thread as I was thinking: If I had Professor X’s powers, I would beam into peoples’ heads who were driving slow in the fast lane “GET OVER TO A SLOW LANE, YOU TWIT, AND NEVER DO THIS AGAIN!!” You? ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/2 "2004-11-06T02:19:34Z")
If I had **Lobsang** ’s powers, I would remove a pen from someone’s hand while they are writing and laugh as they wrote nothing. If I had **The ring bearer** ’s powers, I would make merry pour his pint of brandywine over his head. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/3 "2004-11-06T02:23:20Z")
If I had Aquaman’s powers, I’d ask goldfish if they really had 5-second memories. ---
**Author:** ![Ninja\_Pizza\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f04885/32.png) [@Ninja\_Pizza\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ninja_Pizza_Guy)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/4 "2004-11-06T02:23:29Z")
If I had Superman’s powers, I would help people open tight jars. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/5 "2004-11-06T02:26:04Z")
If I had Luke Skywalker’s powers, I’d use the Force to levitate food and beverages from the fridge into my hands. My bloated, size-of-Christmas-hams hands. ---
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/6 "2004-11-06T02:42:23Z")
If I had Wonder Woman’s powers, I’d lasso guys and ask them if these pants make my ass look fat. ---
**Author:** ![Lochdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/edb3f5/32.png) [@Lochdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lochdale)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/7 "2004-11-06T02:42:30Z")
If I had Mr. Fantastic powers then I’d make a lot of women very happy. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/8 "2004-11-06T03:09:13Z")
If I were Superman, I’d use my heat vision to dry all those knit shirts that always come out of the dryer still damp. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/9 "2004-11-06T03:12:10Z")
If I had Batman’s powers… Oh, wait. I do. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/10 "2004-11-06T03:32:19Z")
If I had Spider-Man’s ability to cling to any surface and balance my entire body weight from any extremity… … hoo-boy. I would juuuUUUuust now be finishing a book I’d call “ **Askia’s** Indispensible Addendums to the Kama Sutra.” Chapter one: Ceiling Sex. Chapter five: Wallbanging Chapter thirteen: Clingunilingus ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/11 "2004-11-06T03:33:55Z")
If I had Hawkeye’s powers, I’d pick off Kree from a distance and not get sucked into their spaceship’s warp drive intakes. ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/12 "2004-11-06T03:39:34Z")
If I had Flash’s powers I would use them to cheat at Euchre If I had Animal Man’s powers I would make fresh honey for my bread every morning. :eek: If I had Superman’s or Wolverine’s or any invulnerable or regenerating hero’s power, I would jump off of buildings and lay there until someone came to check on me and then shout “Boo!” ---
**Author:** ![neofishboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/neofishboy/32/444_2.png) [@neofishboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neofishboy)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/13 "2004-11-06T03:54:02Z")
I’ve asked my inner fourteen-year-old and he had this to say… “If I had (Insert Superhero’s name) power I’d use it to score with chicks and beat up guys who were dicks to me.” ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/14 "2004-11-06T05:36:04Z")
If I had Matter Eater Lad’s powers, I’d use them to eat stuff. What? ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/15 "2004-11-06T05:37:43Z")
> [@neofishboy](#): > > I’ve asked my inner fourteen-year-old and he had this to say… > > “If I had (Insert Superhero’s name) power I’d use it to score with chicks and beat up guys who were dicks to me.” I wouldn’t call those TRIVIAL usues. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BlueMit11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@BlueMit11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlueMit11)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/16 "2004-11-06T06:20:58Z")
If I had Morph’s power, I turn into Hillary Clinton and walk around in a bikini in public. I’d make sure there were paparazis around, too. Post Script: Guys, sorry about the visual image, especially if you have as sensitive and vivid of an imagination as I. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/17 "2004-11-06T06:24:18Z")
Heh … I remember in Roger Ebert’s review of the teenage-witches movie, “The Craft,” one of his complaints was that so many individuals in movies who find themselves with special powers can’t seem to think of anything better to do than the most trivial of activities. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Death](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecccb3/32.png) [@Evil\_Death](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Death)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/18 "2004-11-06T09:04:32Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > If I had Luke Skywalker’s powers, I’d use the Force to levitate food and beverages from the fridge into my hands. You appear to have missed the opportunities available in the field of Force Groping. Turn to the Dark Side, my son! ---
**Author:** ![ShockingAlberto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ea924/32.png) [@ShockingAlberto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShockingAlberto)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/19 "2004-11-06T09:24:07Z")
If I had Aquaman’s powers, I’d do whatever it is Aquaman normally does. You can’t get more trivial than that. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2004, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302/20 "2004-11-06T09:30:51Z")
> [@ShockingAlberto](#): > > If I had Aquaman’s powers, I’d do whatever it is Aquaman normally does. > > You can’t get more trivial than that. Ruling and defending a kingdom, and occasionally pitching in to help defend a world you’re vaguely hostile towards? That’s trivial? Glad I don’t have your life! (I hate people dissing the A-man.) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-superhero-power-trivial-use-game/273302.md?page=2)