# The Teeming Millions rule the world. What ministry do you want? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 17, 2006, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068 "2006-09-17T14:58:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2006, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/41 "2006-09-18T14:29:13Z")
[QUOTE=Revenant Threshold] Cool. Although, you know what they say about Grand Viziers… [/QUOTE] That’s why I put the explosive charge at the base of all your skulls. 'Cept Campbell Brown’s, of course. And what’s-her-name, with all that red hair. ---
**Author:** ![Nic2004](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/4491bb/32.png) [@Nic2004](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nic2004)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2006, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/42 "2006-09-18T15:02:52Z")
[QUOTE=BrainGlutton] Minister of Secret Police. Our motto: “Fighting ignorance . . . by any means necessary!” 😃 [/QUOTE] Crap! Beat me to it. If you are appointed by the great and powerful StR, I would ask to be Director of Special Operations. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2006, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/43 "2006-09-18T15:21:17Z")
Ministry of Women. I wanna recruit the harem. Think about it - I get to travel all over the world, spend lots of money, and all I have to do is learn the Evil God-King’s preference. And I’ll have a job well into old age, provided I do well. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2006, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/44 "2006-09-18T15:23:14Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer] Did you get the “Skald is evil” memo? [/QUOTE] Memos? You’re issuing “Skald is Evil” _memos_? Look, if you have to send out word to everyone that you’re evil, you’re not so evil. And if you not only have to send everyone memos, but _remind_ them about said memos…well, that’s a pretty clear sign that you’re about as evil as [this fearsome animal here](http://www.flickr.com/photos/62555962@N00/245594679/). It’s like those girls who wear tight pink T-shirts that say, “Sexy!” on them in rhinestones. If you have to advertise it, you ain’t got it. Incidentally–you might want to re-read your Arendt. ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2006, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/45 "2006-09-18T15:41:57Z")
Head minister of Stop That Right Now. It’s a multi-jurisdictional post. Essentially, I go to people, either singular or in groups (say, former world governments), and say, “Skald says, STOP THAT RIGHT NOW.” I’d have a list of your Will, which I would add to as I saw fit (never subtract, of course), and, should the STOPPING not commence immediately… 1920’s-style death ray. End of problem. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2006, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/46 "2006-09-18T15:46:17Z")
[QUOTE=ArrMatey!] Head minister of Stop That Right Now. It’s a multi-jurisdictional post. Essentially, I go to people, either singular or in groups (say, former world governments), and say, “Skald says, STOP THAT RIGHT NOW.” I’d have a list of your Will, which I would add to as I saw fit (never subtract, of course), and, should the STOPPING not commence immediately… 1920’s-style death ray. End of problem. [/QUOTE] Oh that’s pretty cool. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2006, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/47 "2006-09-18T15:57:59Z")
Ministry of Sound, or Ministry of Administrative Affairs If the Ministry of Administrative Affairs is taken I will be willing to serve on the Qango on Qangos. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2006, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/48 "2006-09-18T16:03:30Z")
Well, I _was_ going to say that I wanted to be Minister of (heh heh) Foreign Affairs, but since the Almighty God-King rules everywhere, that’s kind of irrelevent. So I propose that I be Minister of Housing. I will rebuild the majority of the world’s housing stock to be environmentally sound and solar-powered, and dedicate those units to our followers, while raking off billions on construction contracts. I will also reserve housing units for those who displease us, such as celebrity worshippers, telemarketers, spammers, telephone sanitizers, etc. These housing units will have poor air circulation, crappy views, substandard and shoddy materials, dangerous wiring, ‘sick building syndrome’, excessive indoor pollutants, horrendous utility bills, poor security, lousy TV receptopn, hideous bathrooms, cockroaches, earwigs, palmetto bugs, mould, etc. And unpleasant neighbours. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2006, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/49 "2006-09-18T16:23:20Z")
I’ll be in charge of the \*\*Ministry of Sexy Eye Makeup. \*\* Women everywhere will be able to effortlessly give you smoldering looks. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2006, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/50 "2006-09-18T20:45:39Z")
Ministry of Smacking People With a Two-by-Four. I’ll even provide my own two-by-fours. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2006, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/51 "2006-09-18T21:06:24Z")
**Ministry of Knitting and Counter Intelligence.** Knitters are invisible, except to cats, and make excellent spies. My operatives can gather information from college, bars, pubs, airports, corporate offices and public locals around the world. Exotic locations are our speciality at 900% per diem the usual rate. All yarn, notions and lessons would be covered under **The Magnificent Skald Regime**. ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2006, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/52 "2006-09-18T21:13:12Z")
[QUOTE=Shirley Ujest] **Ministry of Knitting and Counter Intelligence.** Knitters are invisible, except to cats, and make excellent spies. My operatives can gather information from college, bars, pubs, airports, corporate offices and public locals around the world. Exotic locations are our speciality at 900% per diem the usual rate. All yarn, notions and lessons would be covered under **The Magnificent Skald Regime**. [/QUOTE] Would that be intelligence served at a counter, with no prescription necessary? 'Cause if you know where to get some, let me know. Is there a store brand, so I don’t have to buy the expensive name brand intelligence? ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2006, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/53 "2006-09-18T21:37:15Z")
Ooo! Put me down for heading the **Ministry Of Thwarting The Skald Regime At Every Turn With The Ultimate Goal Of Usurping Him, Taking Over, And Forcing Him To Work In Our Spice Mines**. Hey, we’re going to be there anyway – if you make it an official Ministry, then at least you’ll know where to look when something goes suspiciously wrong. As for my resume, I’ve done a bit of [evil overlording](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=6027225&#post6027225) in my time. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2006, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/54 "2006-09-18T21:55:34Z")
[QUOTE=ArrMatey!] Head minister of Stop That Right Now. It’s a multi-jurisdictional post. Essentially, I go to people, either singular or in groups (say, former world governments), and say, “Skald says, STOP THAT RIGHT NOW.” I’d have a list of your Will, which I would add to as I saw fit (never subtract, of course), and, should the STOPPING not commence immediately… 1920’s-style death ray. End of problem. [/QUOTE] That is traditionally the Judiciary’s role. So, you wouldn’t be a Minister, you’d be a Bureau Head. SO CHANGE YOUR OFFICE STATIONARY, LACKEY! Son, y’all don’ wanna make me change my tone! Contempt of **my** court gets you 50 years in boiling hot Scotch Pudding, up to your hips! ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2006, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/55 "2006-09-19T01:39:30Z")
[QUOTE=Hal Briston] As for my resume, I’ve done a bit of [evil overlording](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=6027225&#post6027225) in my time. [/QUOTE] Of course, you realise that any dungeons or Evil Control Rooms will have to be approved by _my_ building-code inspectors. 😃 Don’t worry. They are quite amenable to bribes. ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2006, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/56 "2006-09-19T02:50:48Z")
Your Excellency, If it pleases you, I would like to be considered for the role of **Minister of Cider**. I’m fairly new to the world of Cider, and my goal would be to craft the best, tastiest, and smoothest Cider possible, and then destroy all of it save a supply for yourself, and some for your select cronies. For the masses, of course, I will provide Zima, and Zima light. You know, for the evil and stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2006, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/57 "2006-09-19T03:17:42Z")
[QUOTE=Tristan] Your Excellency, If it pleases you, I would like to be considered for the role of **Minister of Cider**. I’m fairly new to the world of Cider, and my goal would be to craft the best, tastiest, and smoothest Cider possible, and then destroy all of it save a supply for yourself, and some for your select cronies. For the masses, of course, I will provide Zima, and Zima light. You know, for the evil and stuff. [/QUOTE] It’s “Your Excellency (may you live forever)”, actually, but you’re hired. Talk to RevThresh 'bout office space. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2006, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/58 "2006-09-19T03:21:45Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer] It’s “Your Excellency (may you live forever)”, actually, but you’re hired. Talk to RevThresh 'bout office space. [/QUOTE] Municipally-approved office space. :: holds out hand for bribe :: 😃 – **Sunspace** , Ministry of Housing and Municipal Affairs. (“Mission creep? Us??”) ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2006, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/59 "2006-09-19T03:39:33Z")
[QUOTE=Shirley Ujest] **Ministry of Knitting and Counter Intelligence.** Knitters are invisible, except to cats, and make excellent spies. My operatives can gather information from college, bars, pubs, airports, corporate offices and public locals around the world. Exotic locations are our speciality at 900% per diem the usual rate. All yarn, notions and lessons would be covered under **The Magnificent Skald Regime**. [/QUOTE] Are you going to liase with the Ministry of Cats, just in case? ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2006, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/60 "2006-09-19T23:31:54Z")
I hereby and humbly submit my proposal to be named Minister of Wonders and Superscience; a department dedicated to reaching new pinnacles of civilization and technology…_just to prove that we can_. You want a Mile-High Skyscraper? A trans-Atlantic maglev line? Some crazy Luftwaffe prototypes? Engines strapped onto planet Eris to turn it into a gigantic transport ship? Our people can have the plans ready for approval within 40 days. I tell you, give this Ministry your approval, and we’ll make the phrase _“Deus Ipse Sum”_ really _mean_ something again. Failing that… •Minister of Manual Karmic Reallignment Said Ministry being in charge of taking over where the Cosmos fail, and making good things happen to deservedly good people, and _bad_ things happen to _bad_ people. Very bad things. Very, VERY bad things. I’m talking “Genghis Khan walks in on you strangling his preteen daughter with a puppy” level stuff. The long-term goal would be to have a method enabling us to executre someone, bring them back from the dead, then execute them _again_ by 2060. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068.md?page=4)