# The Teeming Millions rule the world. What ministry do you want? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 17, 2006, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068 "2006-09-17T14:58:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/61 "2006-09-20T00:21:32Z")
[QUOTE=Ranchoth] I hereby and humbly submit my proposal to be named Minister of Wonders and Superscience… [/QUOTE] I think the Ministry of Housing, Land, and Municipal Affairs can get behind that. After all, we’ll need the superscience to erect the ten-kilometre-high tower blocks where we will house our army of millions of cybernetic building-code enforcers. [QUOTE=Ranchoth] I’m talking “Genghis Khan walks in on you strangling his preteen daughter with a puppy” level stuff. [/QUOTE] How does one strangle _anyone_ using a puppy? Never mind. I don’t really want to know. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/62 "2006-09-20T01:20:13Z")
I could be your Minister of Mockery or Secretary of Sarcasm, oh “evil one”, heheh. But really I would be of most service as your Minister of Hyprocrisy. I will explain to your people how it is that the stronger YOU are, the safer and stronger THEY are. And, as I don’t have to explain to a polished world beater such as yourself, in a 21st Century 1st World government, pretty much all operations run smoothest under a thick layer of Hypocrisy. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/63 "2006-09-20T01:56:44Z")
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim] I could be your Minister of Mockery or Secretary of Sarcasm, oh “evil one”, heheh. But really I would be of most service as your Minister of Hyprocrisy. I will explain to your people how it is that the stronger YOU are, the safer and stronger THEY are. And, as I don’t have to explain to a polished world beater such as yourself, in a 21st Century 1st World government, pretty much all operations run smoothest under a thick layer of Hypocrisy. [/QUOTE] You’re hired. but bring some pie or something to the first cabinet meeting. Also beer. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/64 "2006-09-20T03:34:35Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer] You’re hired. but bring some pie or something to the first cabinet meeting. Also beer. [/QUOTE] Pie and chips? BTW, which gig do I get? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/65 "2006-09-20T03:42:04Z")
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim] Pie and chips? BTW, which gig do I get? [/QUOTE] How the hell should I know? Look, guys, You can’t expect me to remember something I wrote hours ago. I only pay attention to YOUR HALF of the conversation. I already know what **I** think. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/66 "2006-09-20T03:50:55Z")
I’ll take the Ministry of Model Railway Transport. I will commission a vast network of multi-track HO-scale railroads connecting all the major cities, the likes of which the world has never seen, enabling the transport of vast numbers of small obects such as iPods and packets of of Bic pens at unprecedentedly low cost. As they will be all electrically powered at 12 volts, energy costs will be miniscule, finally weaning us from the tit of middle eastern oil. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/67 "2006-09-20T04:01:26Z")
[QUOTE=El\_Kabong] I’ll take the Ministry of Model Railway Transport. I will commission a vast network of multi-track HO-scale railroads connecting all the major cities, the likes of which the world has never seen, enabling the transport of vast numbers of small obects such as iPods and packets of of Bic pens at unprecedentedly low cost. As they will be all electrically powered at 12 volts, energy costs will be miniscule, finally weaning us from the tit of middle eastern oil. [/QUOTE] ::sighing:: Please read this memo: TO: All Dopers FROM: Campbell Brown, involuntarily nude host of the **Today** show. RE: The moral turpitude of Skald the Rhymer (may he live forever!), God-King of Earth I know not everybody got the memo, as apparently Radagast the Brown has been swiping paper out of people’s inboxes again, so I’m going to reissue the notice. Skald the Rhymer (May he live forever!) is evil, kay? If he takes over the world, be assured it will be as an EVIL emperor. If he is working on plans, they are definitely EVIL plans. If he is merely running errands, they will be EVIL errands. Please do not bother the God-King (may he live forever!) with non-evil schemes; if you have an idea that will make the world a better place, please take it to Grand Vizier **Revenant Threshold** , who is 32% less evil and significantly less lazy.2 Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go jump rope. On camera. With tassels attached to my nipples. In 30-degree temperatures. Again. Man, I hate that bastard (may he live forever!) ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/68 "2006-09-20T04:09:42Z")
Oh, evil, eh? OK, I can do evil. I hereby change my request to Minister for Stepping All Over the People’s Model Railways. Sorry for the misunderstanding. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/69 "2006-09-20T09:23:44Z")
[QUOTE=El\_Kabong] I’ll take the Ministry of Model Railway Transport. I will commission a vast network of multi-track HO-scale railroads connecting all the major cities, the likes of which the world has never seen, enabling the transport of vast numbers of small obects such as iPods and packets of of Bic pens at unprecedentedly low cost. As they will be all electrically powered at 12 volts, energy costs will be miniscule, finally weaning us from the tit of middle eastern oil. [/QUOTE] **Kbongo** , that tit belongs to the Supreme Master. If His Supremacy deems it fit to give me the suggested post as Minister of Bureaus and Procedural Mires, you could have a position writing procedures for both model and full-sized trains. I’m sure they need lots of procedures. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/70 "2006-09-20T09:35:15Z")
Information Retrieval ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/71 "2006-09-20T11:52:13Z")
This post consitutes my application as **Minister for Rebellion**. Once every now and then it will be my task to unearth a fresh-faced farm boy who is tired of fixing his uncle’s water condensers or some such, and reveal to him his destiny as the Chosen One who shall overthrow the Evil God-King. He will be furnished with the usual allowance of wise old teachers, cynical older men who function slightly outside the law, long-lost twin sisters and lovable shaggy monsters, and receive training in the full use of his mystic powers before being provided with the secret plans to the Imperial Palace and the device that jams the brain-exploding signal. Or so he will be encouraged to think. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/72 "2006-09-20T18:16:51Z")
I would like to apply as **Minister of Professional Sports and Platypus Breeding**. These two areas have been desperately underserved by current governments, and an evil tyranny might be just the ticket to getting the following issues addressed: [ul] [li]Athletes lack of unpaid contact with fans[/li][li]Unaffordability and unavailablility of very good seats in top sporting venues[/li][li]Lack of platypuses in zoos and pet shops[/li][li]Lack of platypus representation in professional sports[/li][/ul] My platform is simple: subsidized low-income seating in stadiums, autograph sessions before games, and compliance to be enforced by threat of platypus-venom injection. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2006, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/73 "2006-09-20T23:15:25Z")
[QUOTE=cmkeller] I would like to apply as **Minister of Professional Sports and Platypus Breeding**. … [/QUOTE] I had actually intended to put you in charge of the comic books. Didn’t you write the Legion Help File ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/74 "2006-09-21T01:31:49Z")
Memo To: Our Exalted God-King, Skald the Rhymer From: the Minister of Housing, Land, Planning, and Municipal Affairs Re: Rebellious Infrastructure Please be advised that subversive activities and constructions initiated by agents of one **Malacandra** have been nullified by the tireless inspectors and enforcers of the Ministry of Housing, Land, Planning, and Municipal Affairs. Said agents and constructions are now serving as _in-situ_ concrete-hardening test-areas. Your European provinces remain safe. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/75 "2006-09-21T01:36:53Z")
[QUOTE=Boyo Jim] I could be your Minister of Mockery or Secretary of Sarcasm, oh “evil one”, heheh. But really I would be of most service as your Minister of Hyprocrisy. I will explain to your people how it is that the stronger YOU are, the safer and stronger THEY are. And, as I don’t have to explain to a polished world beater such as yourself, in a 21st Century 1st World government, pretty much all operations run smoothest under a thick layer of Hypocrisy. [/QUOTE] You’re hired, subject to your coining or having coined a better, more subtle name for your department. A heavy dollop of irony is welcome, but no 1984 allusions. Also, why has no one volunteered for “Minister of Murdering Peter Jackson, Bringing Him Back to Life Through Cloning & Memory-Engram Implantation Technologies, Forcing the Clone to Adulthood, Killing Jackson-Prime Again, and Repeating as Necessary, the Better to Punish Him for Return of the King”? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/76 "2006-09-21T01:53:07Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer] Also, why has no one volunteered for “Minister of Murdering Peter Jackson, Bringing Him Back to Life Through Cloning & Memory-Engram Implantation Technologies, Forcing the Clone to Adulthood, Killing Jackson-Prime Again, and Repeating as Necessary, the Better to Punish Him for Return of the King”? [/QUOTE] I believe this program is being managed by the Ministry of Health. However, they haven’t been answering their phones when my Bureau of Hospitals and Bioinformatics calls to ask them about their upcoming inspections. I would be willing to oversee the matter for a small additional compensation, such as New Zealand. **Sunspace** , Minister of Housing, Land, Planning, Hospitals, Bioinformatics, and Municipal Affairs ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/77 "2006-09-21T01:53:22Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer] Also, why has no one volunteered for “Minister of Murdering Peter Jackson, Bringing Him Back to Life Through Cloning & Memory-Engram Implantation Technologies, Forcing the Clone to Adulthood, Killing Jackson-Prime Again, and Repeating as Necessary, the Better to Punish Him for Return of the King”? [/QUOTE] I liked **Return of the King**. I’m fired, aren’t I? ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/78 "2006-09-21T01:54:37Z")
Evil, huh? I humbly apply for be Mistress of the Bureau of Motor Vehicles. I will make no changes to the current system. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/79 "2006-09-21T02:05:51Z")
[QUOTE=PunditLisa] I humbly apply for be Mistress of the Bureau of Motor Vehicles. I will make no changes to the current system. [/QUOTE] Okay. You win. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2006, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068/80 "2006-09-21T04:26:50Z")
[QUOTE=Revenant Threshold] I liked **Return of the King**. I’m fired, aren’t I? [/QUOTE] Of course not. Apply a little logic here. I appointed you Grand Vizier out of LAZINESS. Your bad taste in movies doesn’t outweigh your mad byzantine plotting skills. I’ll just execute someone else and pretend it was you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-teeming-millions-rule-the-world-what-ministry-do-you-want/373068.md?page=5)