# The Ten Commandments of Science Fiction Films **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 22, 2003, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ten-commandments-of-science-fiction-films/150169 "2003-01-22T06:00:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![robertliguori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@robertliguori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robertliguori)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2003, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ten-commandments-of-science-fiction-films/150169/101 "2003-01-26T14:47:54Z")
B5 is _so_ going to hell. ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2003, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ten-commandments-of-science-fiction-films/150169/102 "2003-01-26T20:52:28Z")
> [@](#): > > B5 is so going to hell. Have I been whooshed? Who’s B5? > [@](#): > > Subspace fluctuational manipulations of the reflected photons that come from the subject’s lower facial area, resulting in non-confusational matrix for the benefit of observational data. I prefer the explanation “It’s a plot device” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2003, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ten-commandments-of-science-fiction-films/150169/103 "2003-01-26T21:04:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diceman \* > \*\*Have I been whooshed? Who’s B5? \*\* Possibly. “B5” is presumably the show _Babylon 5_, and the reason it’s going to hell is presumably because it breaks so many of the aforementioned “Commandments”. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2003, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ten-commandments-of-science-fiction-films/150169/104 "2003-01-26T22:53:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elf6c \* > \*\*Then again, on _Enterprise_ the Vulcans are always complaining about how stinky the humans are. > > 🙂 \*\* 😕 This is kinda weird, given that (a) Vulcans are so stoical they make the original Stoics look like whinging drama queens, and (b) Vulcans, being logical, ought to recognise that humans, by and large, smell how humans ought to. Unless, of course, elf6c was indulging in a spot of the old tongue-in-cheek, and I’ve just made myself look like a right prat. :smack: But genetics gave me an unfair start 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2003, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ten-commandments-of-science-fiction-films/150169/105 "2003-01-26T23:16:41Z")
surprised noone has posted this. Your weapons shall be useless against them and the fate of the world shall seem dire until a rebellious genius or cowboy type hero realises that they can be killed by something simple. “Look out. He’s got a board with a nail in it!!!” --Kang, The Simpsons ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2003, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ten-commandments-of-science-fiction-films/150169/106 "2003-01-26T23:21:13Z")
Though their technology is more advanced than our own, most alien races shall be mindless savages bent on eating our brains and genitals, or war mongering savages bent on probing our genitals and destroying our backwards culture. Either way, watch your bathing suit area. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ten-commandments-of-science-fiction-films/150169/107 "2003-01-27T00:09:21Z")
Commandment 1 Section 1 Thous shall demonstrate the advanced nature of thy society but the outlandishness of the uniform of thy mighty army. Bright colors, cutom form fitting anatomically correct armor, capes, and chrome shall be worn by the enlisted personal while the officers shall dress in surplus Nazi uniforms. Section 2 Generic good guys are forbidden to wear armor, personal shields, cloaking mechanisms or other form of protection other than a cheap plastic helmet and jumpsuit, even if such technology is available. ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ten-commandments-of-science-fiction-films/150169/108 "2003-01-27T00:25:21Z")
Section 2(a) Said generic good guy shall decide to wander in hostile territory alone and unarmed at which point they shall radio back to their superiors that they have found something, scream like a girl, and expire ---
**Author:** ![Alias](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e4f/32.png) [@Alias](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alias)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ten-commandments-of-science-fiction-films/150169/109 "2003-01-27T01:15:12Z")
All who are evil shall be known by their well-groomed moustaches and goatees. ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ten-commandments-of-science-fiction-films/150169/110 "2003-01-27T03:29:54Z")
An alien name shall contain at last one **Z** , **X** or an apostrophe. All aliens shall be between 4" and 8" tall, and able to survive in standard earth atmosphere with nothing more than a simple breathing gear. No matter where your destination is, the flight time shall be between 2 hours and 2 days. Gas clouds shall be opaque and able to block all sensors. Sensors and communications do not work on yellow planets with lots of clouds. Spaceships shall always be brightly illuminated no matter how far the nearest star is. If two ships meet in space, they shall orient themselves correctly before they can be seen in the same frame. ---
**Author:** ![Hometownboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5e9695/32.png) [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ten-commandments-of-science-fiction-films/150169/111 "2003-01-27T03:41:47Z")
In all weightless shots, characters will adhere to the same arbitrary vertical, rather than being distributed at random angles, because otherwise is a bitch to fake when shooting movies on earth. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ten-commandments-of-science-fiction-films/150169/112 "2003-01-27T03:53:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MrMyth \* > \*\*Every alien race thou shall meet will be of one government, one face, one language. There are no ‘countries’ on other planets. \*\* And their monolithic culture shall be consumed by obsessing upon one particular value, virtue, character trait, or behavioral pattern (honour, logic, acquisitiveness, byzantine political plotting, mysticism, talking in obtuse riddles, ravishing human females), the better to contrast with well-rounded humans. ---
**Author:** ![athelas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@athelas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/athelas)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ten-commandments-of-science-fiction-films/150169/113 "2003-01-27T13:28:09Z")
Despite everything you heard, space is two-dimensional. All atmospheres are breathable by all species. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ten-commandments-of-science-fiction-films/150169/114 "2003-01-27T14:41:40Z")
In a TV series, the main characters–in _Star Trek,_ Capt. Kirk, Mr. Spock, Dr. McCoy, Scott, etc., cannot be killed off, unless the actor playing the part has decided to go on to bigger and better things (like Henry Blake on _M_A_S_H,\* or Chin Ho on _Hawaii Five-O.)_ In a movie, if such a main character _is_ killed, it will be near the end of the movie, long after that character’s contribution to the story. If a character like Kirk or Spock _were_ killed in a Star Trek movie, it would be because the performer is retiring or has decided to quit acting in movies. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2003, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ten-commandments-of-science-fiction-films/150169/115 "2003-01-27T16:00:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Watcher of the Skies \* > \***Originally posted by Evil Captor \* > 31. No matter how advanced the tech or the social mores of a future society, thou shalt resolve major differences with fistfights.** > > Also known as the James T. Kirk rule. No, the James T. Kirk rule is “Screwing the locals does not violate the Prime Directive”. A codicil of this rule is, “Alien female genitalia are always compatible with male earth human genitalia.” Other rules - No one farts in space. There are no rules against fraternalization with the enlisted personnel. Alien motives are easily understood, since all of them really want the same things as us. Regards, Shodan [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ten-commandments-of-science-fiction-films/150169.md?page=5)