# The terrible jokes thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 5, 2014, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404 "2014-07-05T13:22:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/1 "2014-07-05T13:22:25Z")
We already have an entertaining thread for [good jokes](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=675457). I was thinking, what if we come across jokes that are too terrible to share in that thread? So here is the Terrible Jokes Thread. Post your absolute groaners here! I’ll start us off. Why do girls like guys with eight shirt buttons? Because they fasten eight. (Fascinate) ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/2 "2014-07-05T13:35:23Z")
I think this is a good joke, but a groaner. Might not interpret well in text – “Knock, Knock” - “Who’s there”? “Owls.” “Owls who”? “Yes, yes they do”. Much better than interrupting cow IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/3 "2014-07-05T14:15:01Z")
I so want to play but I have no really good candidates at the moment, so this is just to skip the “subscribe to thread” step: Q: What do you call a deaf dog? A: Doesn’t matter ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/4 "2014-07-05T14:52:24Z")
Since the thread is just getting off the ground I’m wondering if we might profit from some categories for the Truly Terrible Jokes universe. I rarely even smirk at the ones I see/hear in these groupings anymore: Shaggy Dog Stories / Long-winded puns Little Moron Little Johnny (even though now and then one gets a grin) Blondes Guy with car breaking down and having to spend the night in the farmer’s place Redneck There must be dozens of categories, right? ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/5 "2014-07-05T14:53:06Z")
My dog has no nose. How does he smell? Terrible! ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/6 "2014-07-05T14:56:38Z")
Q. What kind of bees give milk? A. Boo-bees! I’m pretty sure that’s the worst joke I’ve ever heard. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/7 "2014-07-05T14:59:24Z")
My favorite Blonde joke (worth a sneer anyway) Blonde 1: How do I get to the other side of the lake? Blonde 2: You ARE on the other side of the lake ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/8 "2014-07-05T14:59:29Z")
Why do tampons have strings? So the crabs can bungee jump. ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/9 "2014-07-05T15:00:49Z")
How do you keep a moron occupied? ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/10 "2014-07-05T15:08:56Z")
Category: Drunk Drunk’s staggering through the graveyard and falls into a freshly dug grave. An hour or so later, another drunk comes staggering along. First drunk: Help me, help me. I’m cold. Second drunk: No wonder you cold. You done kicked off all your dirt. ---
**Author:** ![Quimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/22d042/32.png) [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/11 "2014-07-05T15:30:43Z")
How come nobody notices when Pterodactyls go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/12 "2014-07-05T15:37:40Z")
I put this in another thread once, and somebody commented that it was the worst joke they had ever heard. I am against lactose intolerance. People without toes are people, just like anybody else. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/13 "2014-07-05T15:39:38Z")
Why are yellow melons unable to marry without their parents permission? They, er, cantaloupe. ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/14 "2014-07-05T15:44:55Z")
What did the inflatable teacher say to the inflatable student at the inflatable school? “You’ve not only let yourself down, you’ve let me down, and you’ve let the whole school down.” How does a toilet choose its team? “You’re in, you’re in, you’re in.” (urine) ---
**Author:** ![yo\_han\_go](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yo_han_go/32/130_2.png) [@yo\_han\_go](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yo_han_go)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/15 "2014-07-05T16:39:41Z")
> [@Zeldar](#): > > I so want to play but I have no really good candidates at the moment, so this is just to skip the “subscribe to thread” step: > > Q: What do you call a deaf dog? > A: Doesn’t matter True story (and movie material). My niece adopted twin albino cats from the shelter. Deaf of course. Me: “how ya call them” She: “Muffin and Puffy.” Me: “why not Asshole and Idiot, they wouldn’t know.” She: “you are an Asshole and Idiot and even you don’t know it.” ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/16 "2014-07-05T16:58:37Z")
> [@yo\_han\_go](#): > > True story (and movie material). > > My niece adopted twin albino cats from the shelter. Deaf of course. > > Me: “how ya call them” > > She: “Muffin and Puffy.” > > Me: “why not Asshole and Idiot, they wouldn’t know.” > > She: “you are an Asshole and Idiot and even you don’t know it.” You best keep an eye on that kid! “Slack” is a concept she’s going to have trouble with! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/17 "2014-07-05T17:49:40Z")
What do you name a dog with no legs? Doesn’t matter, he won’t come, anyway. -OR- Cigarette, cos you need to take him out for a drag. ---
**Author:** ![california\_jobcase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@california\_jobcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/california_jobcase)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/18 "2014-07-05T17:58:38Z")
I have a knock-knock joke, but someone else has to start it. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/19 "2014-07-05T18:02:07Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > What do you name a dog with no legs? > > Doesn’t matter, he won’t come, anyway. -OR- Cigarette, cos you need to take him out for a drag. Also told as: “I hate taking my dog who has no legs out for walks. He’s a real drag.” ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2014, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/20 "2014-07-05T20:58:24Z")
What’s brown and sticky? A stick! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404.md?page=2)