# The terrible jokes thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 5, 2014, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404 "2014-07-05T13:22:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/81 "2014-07-07T14:44:20Z")
Did you hear about the three holes in the ground? Well, well, well! ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/82 "2014-07-07T14:50:09Z")
What do you get when you cross a praying mantis with a termite? A bug that says grace before it eats your house. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/83 "2014-07-07T14:52:08Z")
How many choreographers does it take to change a light bulb? …uh, five, six, seven, eight! ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/84 "2014-07-07T14:57:38Z")
> [@CheshireKat](#): > > I recognize that! Thanks to this thread, I found the hilarious anti-joke site last night. I got to page 9 before making myself go to bed. Since you were just there, could you give us the link? Wonderful thread, as I recall. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/85 "2014-07-07T15:01:07Z")
> [@Zeldar](#): > > Since you were just there, could you give us the link? Wonderful thread, as I recall. 😃 This is the [home site](http://horseheadhuffer.com/), full of interesting sub sites. Scroll way down to find the anti-joke one. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/86 "2014-07-07T15:20:39Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > What do you call a man with no arms and no legs… What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating behind a fishing boat? Chum. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/87 "2014-07-07T15:29:36Z")
> [@CheshireKat](#): > > This is the [home site](http://horseheadhuffer.com/), full of interesting sub sites. Scroll way down to find the anti-joke one. Thanks! I seem to remember we had a similar thread here and I thought you might have found that instead of the goldmine you did! 🙂 I’ll hunt for ours unless somebody else beats me to it. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/88 "2014-07-07T15:34:38Z")
What do you call a guy with a rabbit up his ass? Warren. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/89 "2014-07-07T15:38:25Z")
What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits your windshield? Its asshole. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/90 "2014-07-07T15:39:37Z")
What do you call a man with no arms or legs laying at your front door? Matt. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/91 "2014-07-07T15:41:40Z")
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying by the door? Matt. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/92 "2014-07-07T15:47:40Z")
> [@njtt](#): > > I put this in another thread once, and somebody commented that it was the worst joke they had ever heard. > > I am against lactose intolerance. People without toes are people, just like anybody else. It may not be the worst, but I’ll admit it’s pretty bad. > [@swampbear](#): > > A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200. > . . . That took me two beats to get. > [@dougie\_monty](#): > > In the South Bay part of Los Angeles County, heavy rains never come down in Hawthorne, or Lomita, or Palos Verdes, or El Segundo, or Redondo Beach. Heavy rains only come down in Torrance. Lomita made it into a joke! Take that, Harbor City! > [@buddha\_david](#): > > . . . How many contortionists does it take to screw in a light bulb? > A: Two. But you have to wonder how the heck they got in there. A related one: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. But don’t ask me how they get in there. * * * What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it? Nothing. It just let out a little wine. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/93 "2014-07-07T15:48:50Z")
Not the one I’m remembering, but fun anyway: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=719002&highlight=punchline](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=719002&highlight=punchline) Jokes you’ll have to explain 03-22-2014 [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=629393&highlight=punchline](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=629393&highlight=punchline) Tell Me a Joke 10-28-2011 ---
**Author:** ![notfrommensa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f14d63/32.png) [@notfrommensa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notfrommensa)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/94 "2014-07-07T16:39:21Z")
How do you say “three felines drowned” in French? Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq. ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/95 "2014-07-07T16:43:36Z")
> [@Zeldar](#): > > Not the one I’m remembering, but fun anyway: > > [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=719002&highlight=punchline](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=719002&highlight=punchline) > Jokes you’ll have to explain > 03-22-2014 > > [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=629393&highlight=punchline](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=629393&highlight=punchline) > Tell Me a Joke > 10-28-2011 Thanks! The first one made my head hurt, but I’m enjoying the second one. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/96 "2014-07-07T16:50:46Z")
> [@CheshireKat](#): > > Thanks! The first one made my head hurt, but I’m enjoying the second one. I’ve been looking with no luck yet, but the one I’m trying to locate is something like “spoil the joke with a dumb punchline” or something along those lines. Based on my search criteria it’s going to be older than 2012 or have fewer than 50 posts. But it’s enough of a jewel (I hope) to be worth further searching. Does anybody else remember such a thing? ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/97 "2014-07-07T17:16:50Z")
Are we taking the high ground and avoiding ethnic (religious) humor? I will defer to the Mass Mind. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/98 "2014-07-07T17:22:39Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Are we taking the high ground and avoiding ethnic (religious) humor? I will defer to the Mass Mind. I am. I know a terrible racist joke, which will not be posted. I wish I could erase it from my mind. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/99 "2014-07-07T17:30:39Z")
Here are two more joke threads I found while hunting that other one. > **[This thread consists solely of punch lines to jokes.](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=208507)** > > Got it? No setup, just the punchlines. Like this: “Rectum? Damn near killed him!” This thread consists solely of punch lines to jokes. 09-01-2003 > **[Just the Punchlines, Please.](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=318012)** > > How he got in my pajamas, I’ll never know. Just the Punchlines, Please. 05-24-2005 Maybe I can think of something to help me locate that “anti-joke” thing. Maybe not. ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/100 "2014-07-07T17:34:19Z")
Telling Aggie jokes is popular in Texas: An Aggie got a job at an east Texas sawmill. Just before lunch on his first day, he lost a finger. When asked how he lost it, he replied, “I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi… Damn! There goes another one!” At the end of the night, the Aggie turns to his girlfriend and asks, “Why is it every time I go out with you, I end up spending hundreds of dollars?” And she says, “Because I’m a prostitute.” One young Aggie was really afraid of catching AIDS. So he practiced abstinence AND wore a condom. Did you hear about the Aggie who won a gold medal at the Olympics? He liked it so much that he decided to get it bronzed. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404.md?page=6)