# The terrible jokes thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 5, 2014, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404 "2014-07-05T13:22:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/101 "2014-07-07T17:39:02Z")
Missed the edit: This may be it. > **[Ruin a joke](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=322326)** > > Tell a well-known joke in such a way that it’s totally unfunny and misses the point. I’ll start you off: The other day I shot an elephant while I was wearing my pajamas. I don’t know why I was wearing my pajamas. Why did the chicken cross the road?... Ruin a joke 06-22-2005 ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/102 "2014-07-07T17:47:38Z")
> [@CheshireKat](#): > > One young Aggie was really afraid of catching AIDS. > So he practiced abstinence AND wore a condom. I suppose you could turn this into an Aggie joke. A City Woman was driving in hillbilly country when her car broke down. A couple of country fellows said they could fix her car – but she’d have to have sex with them both. She really wanted to be on her way, so she agreed. She told the guys, ‘But you have to wear these,’ she pulled a couple of condoms out of her purse, ‘so that I don’t get pregnant.’ The hillbillies said that would be all right. They had sex, and they fixed her car. The next day the men were sitting on their porch. ‘Hey Zed?’ ‘Yeah, Ned.’ ‘Do you really care if that city woman gets pregnant?’ ‘Naw.’ ‘So why don’t we take these things off?’ ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/103 "2014-07-07T17:55:03Z")
Did you hear the watermelon joke? It’s pitful. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/104 "2014-07-07T17:56:44Z")
> [@EmilyG](#): > > Did you hear the watermelon joke? > It’s pitful. That was a peach of a joke! ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/105 "2014-07-07T18:50:21Z")
I know a good watermelon joke, but it’s kind of seedy. ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/106 "2014-07-07T19:02:10Z")
I’ve got some more terrible ones: What do you get when you cross a rabbit and a spider? _A hairnet._ Why did the one-handed man cross the road? _Because the second hand store was across the street._ How do you know the Invisible Man has no children? \*Because he’s not apparent. \* ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/107 "2014-07-07T19:25:48Z")
What do you have if you have three Hispanics, one Chinese person, and four black people on your front lawn? A water sprinkler. Spic, Spic, Spic, _CHINK_, Nigga, Nigga, Nigga, Nigga ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/108 "2014-07-07T19:35:46Z")
How do you know a helicopter is Italian?De big rotor, she go “Wop, Wop, Wop”, and de little rotor, she go “Guinea, Guinea, Guinea”. ---
**Author:** ![savetheplanet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@savetheplanet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/savetheplanet)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/109 "2014-07-07T19:39:29Z")
To appreciate this, you need to recall the excitement of two (?) years ago, when scientists thought they had detected neutrinos traveling at greater than the speed of light … The bartender says (We don’t allow your kind in here.) A neutrino walks into a bar. ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/110 "2014-07-07T20:19:32Z")
> [@stui\_magpie](#): > > Q. What do you call a girl with one leg short than the other? > A. Eileen > > Q What do you call a Chinese girl with one leg shorter than the other > A Irene And where do they both work? IHOP! ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/111 "2014-07-07T21:15:33Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Are we taking the high ground and avoiding ethnic (religious) humor? I will defer to the Mass Mind. How does every racist joke begin? _furtively looks left, furtively looks right_ ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/112 "2014-07-07T21:35:02Z")
Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because somebody threw a refrigerator at him. Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because he was holding hands with the first koala. Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because he thought it was a new trend. Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Somebody threw another refrigerator. Why did the boy fall off of his bike? Well, he was riding under a tree, and all of the sudden he got hit with five koalas and two refrigerators. ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/113 "2014-07-07T21:47:04Z")
> [@janis\_and\_c0](#): > > Why did the koala fall out of the tree? I loved this. It reminded me of opening the Advent Calendar when I was a child, except I didn’t have to wait a day between each surprise. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/114 "2014-07-07T22:30:14Z")
Welp, you asked for it: What’s a Jewish American Princess’s favorite wine with dinner? Daaaaaaaaady, I waaaaaana go to Miaaaaaaaami! What’s the difference between a Jewish American Princess and a regulation bowling ball? If you had to, you could really eat the bowling ball. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/115 "2014-07-07T22:36:08Z")
> [@CheshireKat](#): > > You forgot one: > > What do you call a man with no arms and no legs nailed to the wall? > Art > > 😃 > [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating behind a fishing boat? > Chum. > [@Leaffan](#): > > What do you call a man with no arms or legs laying at your front door? > > Matt. > [@MLS](#): > > What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying by the door? > > Matt. Dang, I knew I forgot some. 🙂 > [@Soylent\_Juicy](#): > > What do you get when you cross a praying mantis with a termite? > > A bug that says grace before it eats your house. I _must_ tell this one to my cousin in Florida, who just had her house fumigated against termites. ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/116 "2014-07-07T22:44:29Z")
Since we’ve done dead baby, armless/legless and ethnic jokes, here are two of my favorite Helen Keller jokes: How did Helen Keller burn her hand? Trying to read the waffle iron. Why does Helen Keller play the piano with only one hand? She sings with the other. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/117 "2014-07-07T22:45:46Z")
^ Forget the termites–it’s the LOVE BUGS that will finish you off. Clouds of 'em, thousands of clouds of 'em. They’ll swamp your house, they’ll disable your car, you will have to scrape them off your person with a putty knife, they choke the rivers with their dead. Ohhhh, they’re climbing up me leg. I can see several peeping out of me wife’s blouse. Why doesn’t Mr. Maudlin do something before it’s too late? Ohhh, GOD! ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/118 "2014-07-07T22:49:37Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Welp, you asked for it: > > What’s a Jewish American Princess’s favorite wine with dinner? > > Daaaaaaaaady, I waaaaaana go to Miaaaaaaaami! > > What’s the difference between a Jewish American Princess and a regulation bowling ball? > > If you had to, you could really eat the bowling ball. There’s another answer to the bowling ball one. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball :o ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/119 "2014-07-07T22:51:35Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Forget the termites–it’s the LOVE BUGS that will finish you off. 😃 \<– and you don’t do this while riding a motorcycle during Love Bug season And thanks for reminding me of yet another thing to add to my list of “Why I Don’t Miss Living in Texas” ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/120 "2014-07-07T22:51:51Z")
> [@CheshireKat](#): > > Since we’ve done dead baby, armless/legless and ethnic jokes, here are two of my favorite Helen Keller jokes: > > How did Helen Keller burn her hand? > > Trying to read the waffle iron. > > Why does Helen Keller play the piano with only one hand? > > She sings with the other. Someone bought Helen Keller a cheese grater for Christmas. It was the most violent book she ever read [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404.md?page=7)