# The terrible jokes thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 5, 2014, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404 "2014-07-05T13:22:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/121 "2014-07-07T22:54:25Z")
**janis\_and\_c0** , your joke about the boy and his bike really made me laugh. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2014, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/122 "2014-07-07T23:01:46Z")
> [@stui\_magpie](#): > > There’s another answer to the bowling ball one. > > You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball > > :o Ten minutes later, I still can’t drink my tea I’m laughing so hard. LOLOLOLOLOLOL 😃 😃 😃 I doff m’hat! ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/123 "2014-07-08T05:35:24Z")
Cheers Burpo 😃 Couple of other random ones. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. What has four legs and one arm? A happy pit bull. Why didn’t Cuba have a team in the Olympics? Because, any Cuban that can run, jump, or swim already lives in America. And to round out some of the baby jokes just to really lower the tone: How do you get 100 babies in a bucket? with a blender how do you get them out? corn chips How do you make a baby float? one glass of root beer and 2 scoops of baby Thank you, when I said I wanted to be a comedian people laughed at me. Well, no one is laughing now. ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/124 "2014-07-08T07:01:22Z")
My post from the older thread [Once more with feeling- TRULY AWFUL JOKES!!!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=161527): One day in the Vatican, a cardinal ran up to another cardinal and said, “I just had the greatest idea! Even better than the Virgin Birth!” “Okay, let’s hear it.” “Joshua, son of Nun!” “I don’t get it.” The first cardinal then realized they were speaking in Italian, where the pun doesn’t work. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/125 "2014-07-08T12:06:43Z")
I just got done reading a book about Stockholm Syndrome. At first I really didn’t like it, but by the end I thought it was GREAT! ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/126 "2014-07-08T13:37:08Z")
> [@CheshireKat](#): > > here are two of my favorite Helen Keller jokes: When does Helen Keller call it a bad day? When she burns her tongue on a hot slice of pizza, and can’t taste, either. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/127 "2014-07-08T13:40:48Z")
How did they find Helen Keller when she fell down the well? She screamed her hands off. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/128 "2014-07-08T16:52:12Z")
> [@tim-n-va](#): > > Why do tampons have a string? > So you can floss after you eat. And the related “Why did Billie Jean King give up tennis?” There wasn’t a woman out there she hadn’t licked ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/129 "2014-07-08T17:01:28Z")
Where does Penn State hold its football camp? the DuBois campus Why did Penn State name its home field Beaver Stadium? If they had called it “Bending-Little-Boys-Over-In-The-Shower Stadium” even Joe-Pa would have known something was wrong ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/130 "2014-07-08T17:19:59Z")
A horse walks into a bar. The bar tender says “Hey.” The horse says “Sure.” Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers. Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn’t invented yet. ---
**Author:** ![Srsly\_Dad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/53a042/32.png) [@Srsly\_Dad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Srsly_Dad)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/131 "2014-07-08T17:51:44Z")
What is brown, smelly and sits on a piano stool? Beethoven’s First Movement ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/132 "2014-07-08T19:40:09Z")
# From email just now: TWO CATHOLIC PARROTS A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, ‘Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know to say one thing.’ ‘What do they say?’ the priest asked. They say, ‘Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?’ ‘That’s obscene!’ the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment…‘You know,’ he said, ‘I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible… Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we’ll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, And your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time.’ ‘Thank you,’ the woman responded, ‘this may very well be the solution.’ The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house… As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying… Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them… After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?’ There was stunned silence…Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says, ‘Put the beads away, Frank, our prayers have been answered!’ ---
**Author:** ![jharvey963](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/54ee81/32.png) [@jharvey963](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jharvey963)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2014, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/133 "2014-07-08T22:06:44Z")
> [@Greg\_Charles](#): > > Q. What kind of bees give milk? > A. Boo-bees! > > I’m pretty sure that’s the worst joke I’ve ever heard. It may be the worst joke, but it still made me laugh. J. ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/134 "2014-07-09T00:56:06Z")
My two favorite Helen Keller jokes: Q: Why can’t Helen Keller have babies? A: Because she’s dead Q: Why is Helen Keller such a bad driver? A: Because she’s a woman ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/135 "2014-07-09T01:01:03Z")
How did Helen Keller burn her face? Trying to answer the iron I’m not sure this joke still works with today’s technology. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/136 "2014-07-09T01:23:55Z")
Why does Helen Keller only use her left hand to masturbate? Because she can moan better right handed ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/137 "2014-07-09T01:25:43Z")
> [@CheshireKat](#): > > Telling Aggie jokes is popular in Texas: > > An Aggie got a job at an east Texas sawmill. Just before lunch on his first day, he lost a finger. When asked how he lost it, he replied, “I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi… > Damn! There goes another one!” > > At the end of the night, the Aggie turns to his girlfriend and asks, “Why is it every time I go out with you, I end up spending hundreds of dollars?” > And she says, “Because I’m a prostitute.” > > One young Aggie was really afraid of catching AIDS. > So he practiced abstinence AND wore a condom. > > Did you hear about the Aggie who won a gold medal at the Olympics? > He liked it so much that he decided to get it bronzed. Are these jokes popular throughout the state, or more just among rivals to Texas A&M? ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/138 "2014-07-09T01:41:52Z")
My girlfriend just broke up with me… she wanted more time to focus on her hobby… she’s into astronomy… said she needs space. ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/139 "2014-07-09T01:52:27Z")
> [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](#): > > Are these jokes popular throughout the state, or more just among rivals to Texas A&M? I lived all over Texas, in small and large cities, and I heard Aggie jokes everywhere. I don’t recall them being told out of meanness or true derision - more to poke fun. My best source was my ex-father-in-law, who loved them. He was raised in Dallas and went to college out-of-state, so in his case rivalry had nothing to do with it. I think most Texans recognize A&M as an excellent school, especially their College of Veterinary Medicine. One more… What’s charred, black and smokes? Aggie electrician ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/140 "2014-07-09T18:34:14Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Are we taking the high ground and avoiding ethnic (religious) humor? I will defer to the Mass Mind. Do you have any IDEA how many Catholics you just offended? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404.md?page=8)