# The terrible jokes thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 5, 2014, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404 "2014-07-05T13:22:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/141 "2014-07-09T18:37:31Z")
Aggie jokes? I guess they’re the equivalent of the “Newfie” jokes we have in here in Canada (“Newfie”=someone from Newfoundland.) ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/142 "2014-07-09T18:40:25Z")
> [@EmilyG](#): > > Aggie jokes? I guess they’re the equivalent of the “Newfie” jokes we have in here in Canada (“Newfie”=someone from Newfoundland.) I had to look it up too. Texas A&M, an **ag** ricultural school: hence Aggie. ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/143 "2014-07-09T18:42:37Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Are we taking the high ground and avoiding ethnic (religious) humor? I will defer to the Mass Mind. > [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Do you have any IDEA how many Catholics you just offended? I see it the other way - he’s excluding the non-Catholic opinions. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2014, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/144 "2014-07-09T21:19:30Z")
A rabbi and a priest are walking down the street, when they see a 10-year-old boy standing on the corner. The priest says to the rabbi: “Hey, see that little boy over there? Let’s go take him home and SCREW him!” The rabbi says: “Out of what?” ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2014, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/145 "2014-07-10T01:35:57Z")
“What time do you go to the Chinese dentist?” “2.30” ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2014, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/146 "2014-07-10T03:38:09Z")
First day of class. The teacher goes around the room asking the kids their names. She comes to one boy and asks “What’s your name?” He replies “Asshole”. The teacher is shocked and tells him she’s sending him to the principal. Johnny turns to his brother and says “Come on, Shithead, she won’t believe you, either.” First day of school. The teacher introduces herself: "Hello all, my name is Miss Pressy. I expect you all to remember that when I ask you tomorrow. Little Johnny tells his friend “Shit, I’ll never remember that stupid name.” His friend replies “Just think of ‘pussy’ and stick an ‘R’ in there.” Next day as they’re filing in, the teacher says “Good morning, Johnny.” “Good morning, Miss Crunt!” ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2014, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/147 "2014-07-10T08:47:26Z")
> [@njtt](#): > > “What time do you go to the Chinese dentist?” > > “2.30” In the 70s, us kids used to call these “Dixie cup jokes.” Dixie was a brand of little paper cups suitable for grade school snack breaks and the like, often with bad, child-friendly jokes printed on them. But the Dixie cup version was just “What is the best time to go to the dentist?” “Tooth-hurtie!” ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2014, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/148 "2014-07-10T10:26:22Z")
> [@JKellyMap](#): > > In the 70s, us kids used to call these “Dixie cup jokes.” Dixie was a brand of little paper cups suitable for grade school snack breaks and the like, often with bad, child-friendly jokes printed on them. > > But the Dixie cup version was just “What is the best time to go to the dentist?” “Tooth-hurtie!” I remember those! Some of the jokes were real gems. For example… What makes your hair dance? A headband! ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2014, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/149 "2014-07-10T11:50:42Z")
Did you know that Lorena Bobbit actually made an earlier attempt at slicing off her husband’s penis? She took a swing at it with a knife but only wound up cutting him in the thigh, so she was only charged with a misdewiener. ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2014, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/150 "2014-07-10T15:59:44Z")
What’s a cow’s favourite artist? Moo-net. What’s a horse’s favourite game? Stable tennis. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2014, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/151 "2014-07-10T16:25:40Z")
Worst joke I ever told… Greg Louganis came to a local swim club to put on a clinic. I told my friends he couldn’t find his way out because all the signs read TIXE. He’s dyslexic. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2014, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/152 "2014-07-10T17:10:21Z")
Candlejack and the Hypno-Toad go into a bALL GLORY TO THE HYP ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2014, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/153 "2014-07-10T17:29:33Z")
> [@kopek](#): > > Where does Penn State hold its football camp? > > the DuBois campus > > Why did Penn State name its home field Beaver Stadium? > > If they had called it “Bending-Little-Boys-Over-In-The-Shower Stadium” even Joe-Pa would have known something was wrong What do Penn State assistant coaches and Campbell’s Soup have in common? They both come in little cans. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2014, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/154 "2014-07-10T17:51:06Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > What do Penn State… Why does the Penn State football team prefer to be losing at halftime? The like it when you’re a little behind in the locker room. Where do you go after four years at Penn State? State Penn Penn State is the only school where you can major in a minor ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/155 "2014-07-11T02:00:19Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > Did you know that Lorena Bobbit actually made an earlier attempt at slicing off her husband’s penis? She took a swing at it with a knife but only wound up cutting him in the thigh, so she was only charged with a misdewiener. Few people know it, but when Lorena tossed her husband’s severed member out of the car window, it didn’t immediately land in the field. There was a tiny, ninty-two year old lady who was out for a walk. Lorena didn’t see her due to the dim lighting in the area. It hit her right in the face. Knocked the poor woman cock-eyed. ---
**Author:** ![DingoelGringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@DingoelGringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DingoelGringo)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/156 "2014-07-11T02:07:30Z")
> [@Zeldar](#): > > Since the thread is just getting off the ground I’m wondering if we might profit from some categories for the Truly Terrible Jokes universe. I rarely even smirk at the ones I see/hear in these groupings anymore: > > Shaggy Dog Stories / Long-winded puns > Little Moron > Little Johnny (even though now and then one gets a grin) > Blondes > Guy with car breaking down and having to spend the night in the farmer’s place > Redneck > > There must be dozens of categories, right? So teacher asking the kids what they wanna be when they grew up. Startung with Little Johnny. “I wanna be a drug lord and have lots of guys working for me and I’ll have my bitch who will give me sex whenever I ask for it and I’ll buy her short short skirts and even her own Ferrari.” Teacher not wanting to start a problem session moved on, And Suzie what do you want to be when you grow up. “I want to be Johnny’s Bitch!” ---
**Author:** ![DingoelGringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@DingoelGringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DingoelGringo)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/157 "2014-07-11T02:13:48Z")
> [@stui\_magpie](#): > > Q. What do you call a girl with one leg short than the other? > A. Eileen > > Q What do you call a Chinese girl with one leg shorter than the other > A Irene So where does the one legged waitress work? IHOP! ---
**Author:** ![DingoelGringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@DingoelGringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DingoelGringo)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/158 "2014-07-11T02:16:17Z")
> [@CheshireKat](#): > > You forgot one: > > What do you call a man with no arms and no legs nailed to the wall? > Art > > 😃 What’s the man’s name laying on the front porch without arms or legs? Matt! ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/159 "2014-07-11T02:18:20Z")
I don’t have the desire to rewrite this one, but it’s worth a link for those unfamiliar with such a fine piece of _humor_ [SSFF](http://retroworks.blogspot.com/2012/05/ssff-joke.html) ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/160 "2014-07-11T02:21:56Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > Few people know it, but when Lorena tossed her husband’s severed member out of the car window, it didn’t immediately land in the field. There was a tiny, ninty-two year old lady who was out for a walk. Lorena didn’t see her due to the dim lighting in the area. It hit her right in the face. Knocked the poor woman cock-eyed. My mother was a very modest lady who would never ever say the word “penis”, and she was mortified whenever that saga was reported on the news. She had a wicked wit, though. A few months after the Lorena Bobbit case, we were driving into Houston and passed about eight policemen searching the grassy area next to the freeway. In the same conversational tone as the rest of our chit chat, Mom says “I didn’t know Lorena Bobbit had moved to Houston.” 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404.md?page=9)