# The terrible jokes thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 5, 2014, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404 "2014-07-05T13:22:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![DingoelGringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@DingoelGringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DingoelGringo)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/161 "2014-07-11T02:22:23Z")
> [@savetheplanet](#): > > To appreciate this, you need to recall the excitement of two (?) years ago, when scientists thought they had detected neutrinos traveling at greater than the speed of light … > > The bartender says (We don’t allow your kind in here.) > > A neutrino walks into a bar. A piece of string walks into the bar and jumps onto a stool. “Give me a beer” “Get out of here we don’t serve string in here.” So he dropped down and went on down the street, entered another bar and asked for a beer. "Get out we don’t serve drinks to string in here. So he went on down the street. Saw an alley and stepped in and tied himself into a knot. Then he reached up and frayed the top. Down the street and into a bar. “Give me a beer.” “Are you a piece of string?” “No I’m a frayed Knot!” ---
**Author:** ![DingoelGringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@DingoelGringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DingoelGringo)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/162 "2014-07-11T02:35:53Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > Worst joke I ever told… > > Greg Louganis came to a local swim club to put on a clinic. I told my friends he couldn’t find his way out because all the signs read TIXE. > > He’s dyslexic. My sister who is now 55 has Down’s Syndrome. One of the only jokes she tells and finds funny is being in a restaurant or store and seeing the Open sign from the other side and saying “We cannot go out side because, look it is closed out there!” ---
**Author:** ![AppallingGael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9bd4f/32.png) [@AppallingGael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AppallingGael)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/163 "2014-07-11T07:04:29Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > Worst joke I ever told… > > Greg Louganis came to a local swim club to put on a clinic. I told my friends he couldn’t find his way out because all the signs read TIXE. > > He’s dyslexic. I don’t get it. Shouldn’t that help him find his way out if he’s dyslexic? ---
**Author:** ![AppallingGael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9bd4f/32.png) [@AppallingGael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AppallingGael)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/164 "2014-07-11T07:14:23Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > I remember those! Some of the jokes were real gems. But some really sucked. I remember “who conquered the world?”–“Alexander the Grape” (and it was NOT “who’s purple and conquered the world?”, or anything like that. Either that or it was, and I just don’t remember correctly). ---
**Author:** ![Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Brynhildr\_Budladottir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynhildr_Budladottir)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/165 "2014-07-11T07:43:38Z")
A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. The bartender says “But I thought you didn’t like whiskey.” The man says “I’ve just had a heart transplant. I guess I had a change of heart.” ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2014, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/166 "2014-07-11T12:55:07Z")
> [@AppallingGael](#): > > I don’t get it. Shouldn’t that help him find his way out if he’s dyslexic? Read the entire joke backwards. ---
**Author:** ![HubZilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ccd318/32.png) [@HubZilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HubZilla)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2014, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/167 "2014-07-12T00:39:49Z")
I just learned my great-grandfather died in the Holocaust. He fell out of a guard tower. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2014, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/168 "2014-07-12T00:50:13Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > Read the entire joke backwards. EXIT daer sngis eth lla esuaceb tuo yaw sih dnif t’ndluoc eh sdne irf ym dlot I .cinilc a no tup ot bulc miws lacol a ot emac sinaguoL gerG. .cixelsyd s’eH Nope. Still don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2014, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/169 "2014-07-12T01:18:34Z")
> [@HubZilla](#): > > I just learned my great-grandfather died in the Holocaust. > > He fell out of a guard tower. What a coincidence, my great-grandfather also died in the Holocaust! He was walking beneath a tower when another guard fell on top of him. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2014, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/170 "2014-07-12T01:18:37Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > During training, Yoda asks Luke: > > Why was five afraid of seven? > > Because six seven eight. Because seven eight nine? ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2014, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/171 "2014-07-12T02:05:52Z")
> [@DingoelGringo](#): > > What’s the man’s name laying on the front porch without arms or legs? > > Matt! What do you call two guys with no arms or legs fastened to the wall, holding up some drapes? Kurt ‘n’ Rod. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2014, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/172 "2014-07-12T12:45:19Z")
> [@Zeldar](#): > > Missed the edit: This may be it. > > [Ruin a joke - Cafe Society - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=322326) > Ruin a joke > 06-22-2005 We had a similar thread more recently than 2005, because I recall contributing this: Man walks into a psychiatrist’s office naked, his body covered only in cellophane. The psychiatrist tells him, “It’s quite evident to me that you suffer from a mental disorder!” ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2014, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/173 "2014-07-12T15:46:09Z")
> [@JKellyMap](#): > > Man walks into a psychiatrist’s office naked, his body covered only in cellophane. > The psychiatrist tells him, “It’s quite evident to me that you suffer from a mental disorder!” “…and what’s more, your testicles are quite visible to all and sundry!” ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2014, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/174 "2014-07-12T16:19:31Z")
Sundray, Mondray, and alrays! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Purin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Purin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Purin)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2014, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/175 "2014-07-12T18:04:37Z")
Why did the M&M go to school? Because he wanted to be a _Smartie._ ---
**Author:** ![AppallingGael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9bd4f/32.png) [@AppallingGael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AppallingGael)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/176 "2014-07-13T10:09:05Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > EXIT daer sngis eth lla esuaceb tuo yaw sih dnif t’ndluoc eh sdne irf ym dlot I .cinilc a no tup ot bulc miws lacol a ot emac sinaguoL gerG. > > .cixelsyd s’eH > Nope. Still don’t get it. Thanks for handling that chore. I wasn’t looking forward to it. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/177 "2014-07-13T14:45:53Z")
Madam, I’m Adam. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2014, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/178 "2014-07-13T15:16:41Z")
How do they fill the pool in Olympiapark (Munich)? Mark Spitz. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/179 "2014-07-15T12:58:59Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Candlejack and the Hypno-Toad go into a bALL GLORY TO THE HYP Either you have a much more advanced sense of humour than me, or your computer has a virus! Explain? ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2014, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404/180 "2014-07-15T14:04:29Z")
> [@dougie\_monty](#): > > Madam, I’m Adam. Dammit, I’m mad! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-terrible-jokes-thread/692404.md?page=10)