# The Thing's Dick (Fantastic Four) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 12, 2007, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765 "2007-04-12T05:59:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/41 "2007-04-13T10:02:28Z")
But with a set of stones like his, you can bet he cums quartz! ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/42 "2007-04-13T12:14:10Z")
Germane to this thread, the following is from the Wikipedia article cited above: > [@](#): > > In Family Guy episode “Bill and Peter’s Bogus Journey”, the Thing is a victim of Lorena Bobbit who cut off her husband’s penis in 1993. ---
**Author:** ![AtomicDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ac91a4/32.png) [@AtomicDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AtomicDog)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/43 "2007-04-13T12:20:55Z")
“Wotta revoltin’ development dis is!” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Controvert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@The\_Controvert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Controvert)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/44 "2007-04-13T12:56:47Z")
[QUOTE=Doctor Who] Not to interrupt the hilarious joke-fest, but I always figured the Thing had _no_ dick, and that’s why he was always trying to get turned back into Ben Grimm. [/QUOTE] That explains the casting choice of Michael Diklis in the movie. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/45 "2007-04-13T14:52:50Z")
So technically, if Thing has a thing, it would be a Cock of the Rock? ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/46 "2007-04-13T14:53:40Z")
As a fanboy, I always figured Ben Grimm had a large, orange wang. While big, it isn’t outside normal human possibilities. NOTE-In the non-canonical Earth X series, the Thing does have kids with Alicia Masters. The twin boys are orange, rocky and named Neil and Buzz. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/47 "2007-04-13T14:55:44Z")
[QUOTE=Gentle Robot] The only thing I know about the Thing’s dick is that it’s [circumcised](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thing_%28comics%29#Fictional_character_biography) [/QUOTE] Is even that a certainty, though? Even if Ben was circumcised at one time, that was before he was bombarded with cosmic rays! His dermal armor seems to regenerate itself after injury-- didn’t his face heal up on its own after Wolverine took a chunk out of it? Who’s to say that such a regeneration ability wouldn’t also apply to his naughty bricks? ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/48 "2007-04-13T15:23:31Z")
[QUOTE=Wile E] So technically, if Thing has a thing, it would be a Cock of the Rock? [/QUOTE] And if so, could you smell what it was cooking? ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/49 "2007-04-13T17:22:03Z")
[QUOTE=Wile E] So technically, if Thing has a thing, it would be a Cock of the Rock? [/QUOTE] I presume you mean he’s sporting [one of these](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cock_of_the_rock) in his shorts? Or perhaps it’s a [Stone Bone](http://www.amazon.com/Tuffies-Stone-Bone-Blue-Camo/dp/B000OWE4ZG/ref=sr_1_6/103-4365726-5980655?ie=UTF8&s=home-garden&qid=1176484784&sr=8-6) ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/50 "2007-04-13T17:31:15Z")
[QUOTE=Wile E] So technically, if Thing has a thing, it would be a Cock of the Rock? [/QUOTE] And on this rock, I built my… hello sailor! ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/51 "2007-04-13T18:14:30Z")
Sometimes when I think I’m sick to death of you friggin’ pedantic, nitpicking buttwipes, then a thread like this comes along and reminds me of why I signed up. For the first and last time ever: LOL!!! ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/52 "2007-04-13T21:23:47Z")
If this isn’t too much of an aside, this thread got me to thinking of other non-FF Marvel characters… It’s no wonder that Hank Pym suffered from such an inferiority complex given that his “thing” was perpetually going from super-sized, to teeny-weeny insect sized, and back & forth again. Penis envy against himself. Yeek. Just imagine the shrinkage that Iceman must have endured! “I was covered in ice! I was covered in ice!” For that matter, Namor’s cantankerous nature is easily explained: “I was in the depths of the ocean! I was in the depths of the ocean!” The Vision had the abiliy to get ‘superhard’, but always faded quickly. (It’s Friday and I have to work late, folks!) ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/53 "2007-04-13T22:06:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Did he ever try to get it on with [She-Thing](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/She-Thing)? Yes, but eventually she started feeling taken for granite. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/54 "2007-04-13T22:23:55Z")
[QUOTE=The New and Improved Superman] If this isn’t too much of an aside, this thread got me to thinking of other non-FF Marvel characters… [/QUOTE] And the Flash’s problem is so sad that it shall not be discussed in detail. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/55 "2007-04-13T22:40:29Z")
[QUOTE=DocCathode] NOTE-In the non-canonical Earth X series, the Thing does have kids with Alicia Masters. The twin boys are orange, rocky and named Neil and Buzz. [/QUOTE] Ouch. That deserves a new Niven essay; “Man of Stone, Woman Who Walks Funny” [QUOTE=Cervaise] And the Flash’s problem is so sad that it shall not be discussed in detail. [/QUOTE] I think the mentioned that in the JLU cartoon; from memory : Flash : “Fastest man on Earth !” \< smirks \> Hawkgirl : “No wonder you’re single.” And yes, I’ve seen porn on THIS theme as well. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/56 "2007-04-13T22:43:01Z")
You’d think the Flash’s ability to vibrate his entire body would compensate for his quick-draw problem a bit, wouldn’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Z.R.Test](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a5b964/32.png) [@Z.R.Test](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Z.R.Test)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/57 "2007-04-13T22:50:16Z")
Guess getting a woody is out of the question. Puts new meaning into “I’m gonna rock your world,” too. When he gets his rocks off, I’m thinking he’s the only one who really means it. And we know what happened when his girlfriend chips a tooth, eh? Wonder what you’d make a condom out of? So now I’m wondering… is it a stalagmite or a stalactite? If he had a baby, would it be only semi-precious? Questions, questions… ---
**Author:** ![Z.R.Test](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a5b964/32.png) [@Z.R.Test](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Z.R.Test)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/58 "2007-04-13T22:53:26Z")
[QUOTE=The New and Improved Superman] If this isn’t too much of an aside, this thread got me to thinking of other non-FF Marvel characters… \ Just imagine the shrinkage that Iceman must have endured! “I was covered in ice! I was covered in ice!” [/QUOTE] New Xmen porn title coming out: The Iceman Cometh… ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/59 "2007-04-13T22:58:26Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] And the Flash’s problem is so sad that it shall not be discussed in detail. [/QUOTE] Superman happened to be flying across the Atlantic Ocean one day and happened to see Wonder Woman lying on the beach of Paradise Island buck naked, apparently sunbathing. Feeling quite mischievous, he ripped out his super-dick, swooped down and super-rammed her. “Bet you were surprised by that, eh Princess Diana?” He said as he super-smirked. “The surprise is on you, Superman” She retorted “I was fucking the Invisible Man.” Served him right. Superman is a dick ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2007, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765/60 "2007-04-13T23:00:29Z")
[QUOTE=The New and Improved Superman] She retorted “I was fucking the Invisible Man.” [/QUOTE] And, yes, I’ve seen porn about **that** too . . . [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-things-dick-fantastic-four/399765.md?page=4)