# The Thread of Dad Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 18, 2015, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919 "2015-11-18T21:45:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Dr.Woo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7c8e57/32.png) [@Dr.Woo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Woo)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2015, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/61 "2015-11-20T20:00:38Z")
Whenever a bug hit the windshield (which was often; we lived in farm country), my dad would declare “I bet he doesn’t have the guts to do THAT again!”. A lasting legacy. ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2015, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/62 "2015-11-20T20:34:08Z")
> [@OffByOne](#): > > When I was a small child, we lived in farm country. Whenever we drove past a field that had recently been manured, he would always say, “Ah! Fresh country air!” At that age I didn’t understand irony, or for that matter, even associate his saying that to the odor. I didn’t figure it out until one day, I was driving past a newly manured field and found myself repeating that line. Reminiscent of the closing section of the classic “schoolkid’s essay about cows”. “The cow has a very good sense of smell. You can smell it from a long way away. That is the reason for the fresh air in the country.” ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2015, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/63 "2015-11-20T20:52:07Z")
> [@Sangahyando](#): > > A routine from my dad – > > Person 1: Who invented the first successful steam engine? > > Person 2: Watt… Ahh, I forgot the joys of being a straight man for your dad. When I got to “meet the grownups” at their cocktail parties (back in the 50s, so I was… 4?), my dad would inevitably mention to one of them that he used to date a girl from somewhere in Maine. I was trained to loudly ask “Bangor?\*” and he would reply “No, we were just good friends.” (\*with our accent it was pronounced “Banger”) ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2015, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/64 "2015-11-20T20:55:22Z")
> [@Dr.Woo](#): > > Whenever a bug hit the windshield (which was often; we lived in farm country), my dad would declare “I bet he doesn’t have the guts to do THAT again!”. > > A lasting legacy. What’s the last thing to go through a bug’s head when it hits your windshield? Its butt. My dad jokes often morph into teacher jokes. Like the always-amusing-to-me: “Mr. Dorkness, can I ask you a question?” “You just did.” Then I stare at the kid until they figure out their next move. This morning on the way to school, my daughter complained. “I think there’s something in my shoe!” “Oh my gosh, you’re right! Your foot!” “No, dad, something else!” “Of course there is. Your sock!” “No, dad!” “A chicken?” “NO, DAD!!!” “Hey, why are you yelling at me?” My poor kids. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2015, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/65 "2015-11-20T21:15:35Z")
A geeky Dad joke… My daughter was 9; she had been playing in my D&D campaign for about a year so she knew about the races & classes & the way the world worked & everything. She walked into the computer room to ask me a question for a paper she was working on… Daughter: Hey, what do they call those people who live in the forest and take care of the trees? Me: Druids. Daughter: _exasperated sigh_ :rolleyes: In the _real_ world? Me: Oh… Rangers. Daughter: _FINE._ I’ll go look it up myself. _exit stage right_ Me: No… really, Park rangers, Forest rangers… never mind. ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2015, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/66 "2015-11-21T01:03:17Z")
> [@digs](#): > > Ahh, I forgot the joys of being a straight man for your dad. > > When I got to “meet the grownups” at their cocktail parties (back in the 50s, so I was… 4?), my dad would inevitably mention to one of them that he used to date a girl from somewhere in Maine. I was trained to loudly ask “Bangor?\*” and he would reply “No, we were just good friends.” > > (\*with our accent it was pronounced “Banger”) Ah, yes. Or another such (from sixty-some years ago, involving a word then not politically-incorrect). Person 1: How Hi is a Chinaman. Person 2: Oh – about five and a half feet, I suppose. Person 1: No – How Hi is a Chinaman. Person 2: Well – maybe five feet, then. Person 1: No ! That’s got nothing to do with it ! How Hi is a Chinaman ! And on, and on… ---
**Author:** ![Hakuna\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hakuna\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hakuna_Matata)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2015, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/67 "2015-11-21T01:35:01Z")
What did the Father Buffalo say to his son as he went off to college? Bison my wife didn’t appreciate it either! ---
**Author:** ![JoseB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/joseb/32/1530_2.png) [@JoseB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoseB)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2015, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/68 "2015-11-21T11:41:59Z")
This is one of my favorites… Heard during an anime convention (and, yes, it was a father telling it to his son): -What is a tomato wearing a red cape? -Dunno, what? -Supertomato! And what is a lemon wearing a red cape? [spoiler]-Superlemon! -No! A lemon cosplaying as Supertomato![/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2015, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/69 "2015-11-21T12:07:09Z")
> [@digs](#): > > Ahh, I forgot the joys of being a straight man for your dad. > > When I got to “meet the grownups” at their cocktail parties (back in the 50s, so I was… 4?), my dad would inevitably mention to one of them that he used to date a girl from somewhere in Maine. I was trained to loudly ask “Bangor?\*” and he would reply “No, we were just good friends.” > > (\*with our accent it was pronounced “Banger”) Ha! I’ve trained my five-year-old to say the following, when we have certain kinds of guests over: Me:“…and you know what they say about big feet…” Lil’ Map: “Big shoes!” ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2015, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/70 "2015-11-21T12:23:16Z")
Oh - I remember another of my Dad’s: He comes in with a serious look - “Did you hear about the girl who backed into the propeller?” “No - what happened?!” “Disaster!” (say each syllable slowly) Cue goofy smile from Dad. ---
**Author:** ![Savannah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2015, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/71 "2015-11-21T17:25:58Z")
> [@Bayard](#): > > I had an instructor in college who was taking roll the first day. It was a small class, and he was just asking for people by first name. > > **Instructor** : Amanda? > **Amanda** : Here. > **Instructor** : Is your middle name Lynn? > **Amanda** : No. > **Instructor** : Ah. I have Amanda Lynn in another class. She’s kind of high strung. [pause] So I have to pick on her. > > Say it out loud… Amanda Lynn… a mandolin I love that one because I _know_ an Amanda Lynn. We think her sister should have been Claire Annette. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2015, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/72 "2015-11-21T17:55:02Z")
Have you heard about the teacher who was injured in a car crash while trying to do paperwork while driving? She was grading on a curve. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2015, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/73 "2015-11-23T15:39:50Z")
My dad did a lot of spoonerisms, along the lines of the “fart smeller” bit above. But he wasn’t a big one on the same joke over and over. A friends dad though, always trots this one out. Around the holidays you should always serve eggs benedict on chrome plates. Do you know why? Why? “Because there’s no plates like chrome for the hollandaise.” (sung to the tune of “No Place Like Home for the Holidays”) I swear he’s told me the same joke every year for over twenty years. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2015, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/74 "2015-11-23T16:31:33Z")
Driving in the country, we crested a ridge and stopped at a stop sign. Across the way was a large freshly mowed and baled hayfield. I pointed into the middle distance and said “Heyyy…” It was a good full second before the kids started yelling at me. ---
**Author:** ![Defensive\_Indifference](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/defensive_indifference/32/6502_2.png) [@Defensive\_Indifference](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Defensive_Indifference)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2015, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/75 "2015-11-23T16:57:27Z")
> [@cornflakes](#): > > Driving in the country, we crested a ridge and stopped at a stop sign. Across the way was a large freshly mowed and baled hayfield. I pointed into the middle distance and said “Heyyy…” It was a good full second before the kids started yelling at me. I live in a town surrounded by miles and miles of farmland. I am so stealing this at the first opportunity! I dropped one on my son this weekend. He’s 4. He has a pair of slippers he wears around the house. He was trying to get us to buy him another pair. Naturally, I told him, “No, that would make you way too slippery.” He didn’t get it. But one day he’ll thank me. ---
**Author:** ![Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ac8455/32.png) [@Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Your_Great_Darsh_Face)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2015, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/76 "2015-11-23T21:47:21Z")
> [@Sangahyando](#): > > A routine from my dad – > > Person 1: Who invented the first successful steam engine? > > Person 2: Watt. [_i.e. James Watt, 1736 - 1819_] > > Person 1: Who invented the first successful steam engine? > > Person 2: Watt. > > Person 1: WHO INVENTED THE FIRST SUCCESSFUL STEAM ENGINE? > > Person 2: Watt ! > > Person 1: **WHO INVENTED THE FIRST SUCCESSFUL STEAM ENGINE? Good grief, are you deaf?** > > Person 2: WATT !! > > And so on ad infinitum. If you know a Dutch-speaker, you can ask them “How do you say _horses_ in Dutch?”. Works about the same. ---
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2015, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/77 "2015-11-23T22:40:48Z")
1. A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff. Ba dum shh. (Works better out loud.) 1. Victim: “I’m going to get my hair cut…” Dad: “Oh? Which one?” ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2015, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/78 "2015-11-24T22:35:25Z")
What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2015, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/79 "2015-11-24T23:08:51Z")
> [@CrabRangoon](#): > > I sense an elephant theme: > > What time is it when you are being chased by 20 elephants? > . > . > . > . > . > . > Twenty after one! A classics one: Who was big and grey and was the father of Alexander the Great? Phillip of Mastadon! I wasn’t a dad when I came up with that joke, but I did use it later on my (bookworm) daughter. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2015, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/80 "2015-11-24T23:21:11Z")
**A popular one at my house** “Why does Dad always get to control the TV remote?” Because I’m the only one who does any damn work around this place! You people would starve without me. You’d have no food and no clean plates to eat it off of. As it is, I do the dishes and nobody can be bothered to even unload the dish washer. No, you just take a glass out and close it back up! Your drawers are all empty because you won’t put your laundry away. Laundry that I spent all Sunday doing. Wash, dry, sort it all out, and you slobs just leave it in a basket or on the couch! I should just stop cooking and cleaning and paying the damn bills and see how you all like it then. That’s why I get to control the goddamn TV! Now, sit the hell down and watch this good PBS show. Maybe you’ll learn something. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919.md?page=5)