# The Thread of Dad Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 18, 2015, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919 "2015-11-18T21:45:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2015, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/81 "2015-11-24T23:21:32Z")
> [@Max\_Torque](#): > > Elephant jokes are awesome. My favorite: > > Q: Why are elephants big, grey, and wrinkled? > A: Because if they were small, white, and smooth, they’d be aspirin. > And the dad joke to end all dad jokes: > > Dad: What’s green, wet, hangs on the wall, and whistles? > Kid: …I give up, what? > Dad: A herring! > Kid: Herrings don’t hang on the wall. > Dad: So hang it there. > Kid: ? A herring isn’t green! > Dad: So paint it. > Kid: But it’s not wet! > Dad: It is if you just painted it. > Kid: But…herrings don’t whistle! > Dad: Ah, I just put that in to make it hard. I love that one, but instead of saying it whistles, I say it’s been dipped in concrete… ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2015, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/82 "2015-11-24T23:38:37Z")
It all goes to show you can’t hang a man with a wooden leg. You need rope. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2015, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/83 "2015-11-24T23:49:19Z")
How high up can you drop an egg on a concrete floor without breaking it? Any distance you want, the floor won’t break. ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2015, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/84 "2015-11-25T05:51:27Z")
> [@PeskiPiksi](#): > > 1. Victim: “I’m going to get my hair cut…” > > Dad: “Oh? Which one?” My dad’s version: Someone asks my dad, “Did you get a hair cut?” My dad answers, “No, I got them all cut.” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2015, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/85 "2015-11-25T06:06:57Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > **A popular one at my house** > > “Why does Dad always get to control the TV remote?” Are sure you’re not a grandmother? :dubious: > [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > “Mr. Dorkness, can I ask you a question?” > “You just did.” Then I stare at the kid until they figure out their next move. If you ever encounter a kid whose first time saying that already comes in the form “Mr. Dorkness, can I ask you a question? Or rather, can I ask you one or more questions after this one?”, he may be one of my cousins. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2015, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/86 "2015-11-25T10:47:44Z")
It is almost Thanksgiving, when I get to complain about the amount of sauce on the broccoli. It gets so that you can’t see the florets for the cheese. ---
**Author:** ![Sangahyando](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sangahyando](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sangahyando)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2015, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/87 "2015-11-25T10:54:36Z")
> [@Sangahyando](#): > > A routine from my dad – > > Person 1: Who invented the first successful steam engine? > > Person 2: Watt. [_i.e. James Watt, 1736 - 1819_] > > Person 1: Who invented the first successful steam engine? > > Person 2: Watt. > > Person 1: WHO INVENTED THE FIRST SUCCESSFUL STEAM ENGINE? > > Person 2: Watt ! > > Person 1: **WHO INVENTED THE FIRST SUCCESSFUL STEAM ENGINE? Good grief, are you deaf?** > > Person 2: WATT !! > > And so on ad infinitum. > [@Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](#): > > If you know a Dutch-speaker, you can ask them “How do you say _horses_ in Dutch?”. Works about the same. Also on that principle: “Which racing driver was three times F1 World Champion?” ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2015, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/88 "2015-11-25T13:17:51Z")
Sometimes it helps to stay on their side. Read “Who’s on First” with them, either alone or (better) with them taking Costello’s lines. They’ll love ya for it. ---
**Author:** ![Wallaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Wallaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallaby)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2015, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/89 "2015-11-25T23:01:09Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![Lowdown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Lowdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lowdown)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2016, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/90 "2016-07-15T17:53:29Z")
Arise from your grave! I had a _good_ one the other day… My wife was brushing her teeth. So, she was standing there at the vanity and I started poking her on the cheek with my nose. After a few she said, “You’re weird.” I replied, “Nobody nose you like I do.” She didn’t even laugh! That is Grade A material! My talents are wasted. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2016, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/91 "2016-07-15T18:56:24Z")
That’s masterful. Knock knock! Who’s there? Britney Spears. Britney Spears who? Knock knock! Uh… who’s there? Oops, I did it again! ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2016, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/92 "2016-07-15T19:16:56Z")
Why do dads sneeze so hard? Scares away predators. (From my kids, I have no idea why.) My dad was prone to a variation of the “pull my finger” joke - he’d suddenly look all around him, grab an invisible overhead lever, and pull it… _RRRRIIIIIPPPPP._ ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2016, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/93 "2016-07-15T20:07:40Z")
Which dinosaur can jump higher than a house? All of them, houses can’t jump. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2016, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/94 "2016-07-15T20:22:04Z")
> [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](#): > > Which dinosaur can jump higher than a house? > All of them, houses can’t jump. Now, if my dad told that joke, it would go like this: “What dinosaur can jump over a house?” _“D’oh!!”_ ---
**Author:** ![curious11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ac91a4/32.png) [@curious11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curious11)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2016, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/95 "2016-07-15T20:35:40Z")
If your kids are texting on their cell phones, you can ask them what BRB means. They’ll say, “Be Right Back.” Then you say, “Ohhh, What does IDK stand for then?” They say, “I don’t know.” You say, “I know! Nobody does!” I’ve also expanded on the “about 90 minutes” theme by always answering every specific question with a generalized answer. Like, “How old is your daughter?”, I’ll say, “Yeah, she is a particular number of years old.” Haven’t seen these ones yet… Q: Why aren’t Koala bears considered true bears? A: They don’t meet all the Koala-fications. Debate on if the One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying, Purple, People Eater only eats purple people that fly with one eye and one horn. Q: What is big red and eats rocks? A: A big red rock eater. Q: Why are pirates pirates? A: Because they ARRRRRrrr! [From the Pickles, Elephants and Grapes joke book] Q: What is yellow and goes click-click, click-click? A: A ball point banana. Q: What goes pocketa-pocketa-pocketa A: An outboard raddish Q: What goes pocketa-pocketa-BANG-BANG-pocketa-BANG A: An outboard raddish in need of a tune-up lastly Q: What is big, green, and furry and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? A: A pool table. for real lastly Q: What is blue and smells like red paint? A: Blue Paint last one cracks me up still. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2016, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/96 "2016-07-15T21:52:57Z")
> [@curious11](#): > > Q: What is blue and smells like red paint? > A: Blue Paint Two related jokes, vaguely: Q. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A. A carrot. Q. What’s invisible and smells like carrots? A. Rabbit farts. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2016, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/97 "2016-07-15T22:41:14Z")
What computer likes to sing? A Dell How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poker Face How do you get Pikachu on a bus? Pokemon Why did the cop stink? Because he was on duty mmm ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2016, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/98 "2016-07-15T23:17:15Z")
What’s gray on the inside and clear on the outside? An elephant in a Baggie. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2016, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/99 "2016-07-16T10:58:09Z")
Oh, man. I just looked in the dictionary and learned that “aaaarrrgghh!” is not a real word. I can’t even tell you how angry I am! ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2016, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919/100 "2016-07-16T12:10:23Z")
At 09:50 I always point out that it’s cowboy time - every single day, it is a great highlight. I have a colleague who used to say, at almost any time of the year and in that special tone that sounds slightly conspiratorial and generally gets people listening “I just want to be the first person to say… I wish you a merry Christmas” It usually takes a while for that to sink in. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-dad-jokes/737919.md?page=6)