# The Thread of Wild, Mendacious Boasting **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 28, 2003, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456 "2003-01-28T11:50:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Jervoise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2003, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/1 "2003-01-28T11:50:33Z")
I am a dashing figure, renowned globally for my wit, good looks and quality headwear. I run like the wind, even barefoot on hot pavement. I choreograph praise-winning ballet, I ride my bicycle even faster up hills than down and I cook Two-Minute Noodles in 90 seconds. Strangers at bus stops are awed when I draw up plans to remodel the wind shelter into a more heat-effective and aesthetically pleasing shape. I offer free legal advice to pet owners. I can tread water in a Disney character costume for two days; I drink nine glasses of water each day. I manage my time efficiently. I enchant foreign dignitaries with my godlike tuba playing. I always complete my tax return on time _and_ wrangle deductions to offset almost all of my assessable income. I am an expert in lawn mowing, a veteran in love, and a fugitive in the United States. In my spare time, I give _pro bono_ dental examinations. I win raffles; I am caller number nine. My Hotmail account receives no spam. Mothers love me, fathers admire me, children and animals trust me. One Tuesday, I wrote seminal responses to every debate in GD, but didn’t bother to hit submit. Armed with a rake and dressed only in my underpants, I once single-handedly drove back a plague of locusts. I am passingly acquainted with Cecil Adams. I once read _War and Peace_, The Bible and a Bangkok road map in a single afternoon and still found the time to wash the dog. I receive fan mail. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I remain standing. – Wee! Let the truth be no obstacle in your own Wild Boasting! ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2003, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/2 "2003-01-28T14:17:57Z")
My coming was foretold by Nostradamus. I was the model for those giant head statues on Easter Island. I singlehandedly represent the greatest challenge to U.S. hegemony in the Western Hemisphere. I took **Guinastasia** ’s cherry. I carry a genetic marker that shows up in over 100% of the world’s population. I am worshipped by the Hmong people. I am the fifth dentist surveyed. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/3 "2003-01-30T02:55:34Z")
I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts. ---
**Author:** ![EVO95](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/df705f/32.png) [@EVO95](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EVO95)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/4 "2003-01-30T03:01:45Z")
I have no earthly idea what Lord of the Rings is about. ---
**Author:** ![Jervoise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/5 "2003-01-30T03:33:37Z")
I gave mouth-to-mouth to an entire cage of sodden hamsters in the Chicago Reader’s basement. I parted the waters to carry Cecil and his desk to safety. ---
**Author:** ![Tblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tblue)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/6 "2003-01-30T06:34:12Z")
I visit my grandmother regularly and - massage her feet… Such bravery as this, the world has never seen. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/7 "2003-01-30T06:40:22Z")
The Sphinx was designed to look directly at me. ---
**Author:** ![Fugazi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f08c70/32.png) [@Fugazi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fugazi)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/8 "2003-01-30T06:41:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Narrad \* > \*\* My Hotmail account receives no spam. \*\* See, I was believing this up until this point. I’m afraid this pushed you past my gulibility threshold. 😃 I once destroyed a communist horde armed only with a toothbrush & 3 somewhat stale pieces of toast. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/9 "2003-01-30T06:42:06Z")
…at all times, no matter where I am in relation to it. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/10 "2003-01-30T06:45:20Z")
I know exactly how to post a second time so that another Doper’s message will be in between my posts…but mine will still make sense. ---
**Author:** ![Raini](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@Raini](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raini)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/11 "2003-01-30T06:55:22Z")
Im living proof that your dreams do not always come true, but that you CAN live with the shitty hand you have been dealt! I also know that Lemon Juice is much better than just sucking on a lemon!..Unless that lemon is in a cold glass of diet coke, then i’m all about sucking on lemons! I know I am just THAT good! HAHA…I also know that I laugh at myself on a regular basis! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/12 "2003-01-30T07:29:53Z")
I have a really, really fabulous rack. [seinfeld]\*They’re real, and they’re magnificent![/seinfeld] ---
**Author:** ![II\_Gyan\_II](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/bbe5ce/32.png) [@II\_Gyan\_II](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/II_Gyan_II)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/13 "2003-01-30T07:52:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Narrad \* > \*\* > Let the truth be no obstacle in your own Wild Boasting! \*\* Amen. And neither should [originality](http://web.mit.edu/afs/athena/user/w/c/wchuang/www/humor/college/college_essay.html) be. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/14 "2003-01-30T07:55:16Z")
Suffice to say, this thread would not be all that interesting if I didn’t post on it. Once word gets around that I have posted here, this thread will be deluged with readers who once again want to bask in the splendor of my wit, and posters who want to be able to say that they posted on the same thread as I. There will be weeping among those who fail to post promptly, and are therefore sentenced to be on page two, far away from my post and the reflected glory of my wisdom. Go now, and spread the word that **Kallessa** has posted. ---
**Author:** ![Legomancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/779978/32.png) [@Legomancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Legomancer)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/15 "2003-01-30T13:54:49Z")
I tried to post in this thread earlier, but my enormous penis kept getting in the way. Fortunately, Jennifer Connelly has taken care of that problem for me now. ---
**Author:** ![longjohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@longjohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/longjohn)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/16 "2003-01-30T14:00:12Z")
I can roll a perfectly conical bifter in the time it takes to play the Mission Impossible theme tune. I can measure the momentum AND position of a quantum particle simultaneously. ---
**Author:** ![II\_Gyan\_II](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/bbe5ce/32.png) [@II\_Gyan\_II](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/II_Gyan_II)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/17 "2003-01-30T14:12:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by longjohn \* > \*\* > I can measure the momentum AND position of a quantum particle simultaneously. \*\* You forgot to mention that you can hold a dream for long while awake. ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/18 "2003-01-30T14:38:36Z")
I am Einstein’s love child. I invented moonlight. Ex-boyfriends tremble at the mention of my name. (in a good way) I won’t return George Clooney’s calls. I am so dense - light bends around me. ---
**Author:** ![big\_alex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e56c9b/32.png) [@big\_alex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/big_alex)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/19 "2003-01-30T15:34:14Z")
I read the whole of Lord of the Rings in a week True ---
**Author:** ![Tony\_Montana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tony\_Montana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tony_Montana)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2003, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/20 "2003-01-30T15:38:56Z")
I have **throngs** of yes-men at my beck and call… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456.md?page=2)