# The Thread of Wild, Mendacious Boasting **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 28, 2003, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456 "2003-01-28T11:50:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/41 "2003-01-31T01:48:59Z")
Theodore Geisel and A.A. Milne I have helped their charming little writing careers along. I sold Walter Disney swamp land in Florida. I humbly gave my family’s recipe’s to Ben and Jerry. Martha Stewart calls me for decorating ideas. I own the copy rights to " Shake you Groove thing" ---
**Author:** ![Cosmopolitan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/94ad74/32.png) [@Cosmopolitan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cosmopolitan)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/42 "2003-01-31T02:22:54Z")
I have translated Geoffrey Chaucer’s poem, “To Rosemounde” into current English, keeping both the iambic pentameter & rhyme scheme perfectly intact. (Well, I’m working on it, anyway. I knew I shouldn’t’ve signed up for a freaking Chaucer class.) 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cosmopolitan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/94ad74/32.png) [@Cosmopolitan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cosmopolitan)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/43 "2003-01-31T02:22:54Z")
I have translated Geoffrey Chaucer’s poem, “To Rosemounde” into current English, keeping both the iambic pentameter & rhyme scheme perfectly intact. (Well, I’m working on it, anyway. I knew I shouldn’t’ve signed up for a freaking Chaucer class.) 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cosmopolitan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/94ad74/32.png) [@Cosmopolitan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cosmopolitan)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/44 "2003-01-31T02:30:16Z")
…Did I mention that I’m an expert at the art of the double-post? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![drm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e57/32.png) [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/45 "2003-01-31T02:47:00Z")
My pseudonym is William Shakespeare, I invented carbon, and I put the caramel in the Caramilk bar ---
**Author:** ![drm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e57/32.png) [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/46 "2003-01-31T02:50:50Z")
> [@](#): > > _originally posted by Wearia_ > Shakespeare plagerized my work. I still got all the fame. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/47 "2003-01-31T02:52:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by alice\_in\_wonderland \* > \*\*I have a really, really fabulous rack. \*\* Cite? Pictures? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bishamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3e96dc/32.png) [@Bishamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bishamon)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/48 "2003-01-31T02:54:16Z")
I am the original sin. Not only am I the Alpha and the Omega, I am also the Beta and the Psi as well. I can drink the Devil under the table and still get it up to bugger him afterwards. And he’ll call me back the next day for a second date. I slapped the Mark of Cain of his ugly mug. I never pee lest I extinguish the sun. Ozymandius looks upon _my_ works and despairs. I have parsecs to go before I sleep. Hawking gets his ideas from my drunken ramblings. Not only are Fear and Death my friends, they were groomsmen at my wedding to their sister, Madness. I smoked the cigar when Clinton was done with it. I am the thing that causes Cthulhu to wake up in the night screaming. I know where Jimmy Hoffa is and I was the _only_ gunman in Dallas. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one can hear you scream. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/49 "2003-01-31T02:55:33Z")
There are pics up somewhere… ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/50 "2003-01-31T04:35:39Z")
I am the wind beneath your wings. I taught **Polycarp** how to read. I have the One Ring and I’m not afraid to use it. I posted the LOTR thread over at Slashdot. I wrote the book of Love. I am Music, and I write the songs. GPS asks me for directions. I put the O in Orgasm. Winona Ryder is my condom. **Vivalostwages** thinks I’m cool. Everyone can lick my balls. Inexplicably, Andean mountain goats worship me. ---
**Author:** ![Tony\_Montana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tony\_Montana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tony_Montana)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/51 "2003-01-31T04:40:04Z")
A girl once told me that I’m a beautiful man… …although she was drunk at the time ---
**Author:** ![TVGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/82dd89/32.png) [@TVGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVGuy)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/52 "2003-01-31T05:04:31Z")
I developed all of the earth-to-moon orbital calculations for NASA in the 60’s when I was only 7 years old. Furthermore, I was waiting for Neil and Buzz when they arrived at the Sea of Tranqulity. Me and my Dad built a soap-box spaceship and took a weekend and flew up there. I was the guy that told Boeing to buid the 747. And I flew the first prototype when I was only 9 years old. I saved Boeing’s ass on that one, because they didn’t listen to my suggestions about the brakes and I had to burn out the tires on the first landing so as not to plow into the airport terminal building. Tom Brokaw, Peter Jennigs and Dan Rather all speak _MY_ words. I am the complete embodyment of life, light and being. And, I ride a Harley Davidson Motorcycle - jealous, aren’t you? (this is kinda fun … :D) ---
**Author:** ![caffeine\_overdose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85e7bf/32.png) [@caffeine\_overdose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/caffeine_overdose)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/53 "2003-01-31T05:26:31Z")
My daily lotto winnings go to support the widows of orphans. I have given both of my kidneys to blind-deaf-cancer patients. I regularly win at three card monte. When I throw a coin in the air it does not come down. When I go to Africa female elephants stampede towards me because my musk is so strong. Regular woman start ovulating when I walk into the room. My looks CAN kill. The Pope and the Dali Lama come to me for spiritual advice. I have lent money to Forbes and Gates. Lightning has struck me seventeen times in one hour (I called it down to help me stay awake after I had been up for three hundred hours building a particle accelerator out of a microwave). I have raced the sun, fought the law and disregarded the odds. My victories are never assumed but always assured. ---
**Author:** ![Tony\_Montana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tony\_Montana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tony_Montana)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/54 "2003-01-31T06:24:02Z")
When I “whip it out” all who behold its towering deity like life-giving greatness, cannot help but fall to their knees and “worship” my man-ness…and all who witness “it” swear to a blinding god-like light emitted from the love-sausage… [size=1]…this causes problems at the urinal BTW[/size} ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/55 "2003-01-31T15:05:47Z")
In former lives, I was Julius Ceaser, FDR, Marylin Monroe, and Mr Ed. Bill Gates is my pool boy. Antonio Banderas has chained himself to my headboard. It was fun, but he really need to go home to his wife. ---
**Author:** ![ChordedZither](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9c0ed/32.png) [@ChordedZither](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChordedZither)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/56 "2003-01-31T15:37:03Z")
[warms up singing voice…] I was born about ten thousand years ago. There ain’t nothin’ in this world that I don’t know. I saw Peter, Paul, and Moses Playing “Ring Around the Roses”, And I’ll whip the guy who says it isn’t so! I taught Samson how to use his mighty hands, Showed Columbus how to read these happy lands, And for Pharoh’s little kiddies, I built all the pyramid-ies, And to the Sahara carried all the sands. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/57 "2003-01-31T15:43:49Z")
I am currently involved in a lawsuit with the DC Comics, the publisher of _Superman_. They have no right to print that trash about me! And Lois has a much bigger rack than that! ---
**Author:** ![cmosdes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@cmosdes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmosdes)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/58 "2003-01-31T18:36:55Z")
You are all mere germs compared to what I can do. Nay, you are the slime on germs in comparison. Behold: I _understand_ women. Yes! It is true. No, you may not touch me you unworthy creatures. Lest you think I not speak the truth, behold: Let x be \> 0. x^2 = x + x + x + x + x + x + … x times d(x^2)/dx = d(x + x + x + x + x + … )/dx 2x = 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + … x times 2x = x remember, x\> 0… therefore, divide by x on both sides: 2 = 1 Thus, I can understand contradiction and confusion. I understand women. I know how to answer: “does this dress make me look fat?” I know what “fine” means in every context. I know what that silence means. What? You want more proof? Oh ye of little faith. Go thee unto these boards. Amongst the dribble and blabber ye shall find threads abound of descriptions of people of all kinds. Amongst everyone, ye shall find: > [@](#): > > Originally by Alice\_in\_Wonderland > > I have a great rack. As you find this in all places, so shall you realize the completeness of my understanding. Be gone, now, and praise my name. ---
**Author:** ![DaToad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@DaToad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaToad)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/59 "2003-01-31T22:01:33Z")
I am the reason dinosaurs are extinct. I inspired Michaelangelo’s vision for the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. My likeness is watermarked on all currency worldwide. I’ve found Atlantis. I hold a patent on a hydrogen extractor that will allow automobiles to use water as fuel. I was on the grassy knoll ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2003, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/60 "2003-01-31T23:17:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by cmosdes \* > **…so shall you realize the completeness of my understanding.** Or the greatness of my rack, as the case may be. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456.md?page=4)