# The Thread of Wild, Mendacious Boasting **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 28, 2003, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456 "2003-01-28T11:50:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2003, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/61 "2003-02-01T00:30:54Z")
I can bring any woman to orgasm by the sheer force of my personality. Supermodels have been known to weep when denied the pleasure of my company. I can tap dance circles around Michael Flatley. ---
**Author:** ![Standup\_Karmic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Standup\_Karmic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Standup_Karmic)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2003, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/62 "2003-02-01T01:09:49Z")
Not only can I program my VCR, I can program yours. You may contentedly go out tomorrow night knowing that the latest episode of “Meet My Folks” will be awaiting your return home. I can eat whatever I want, and gain weight only when I choose. Yesterday I ate 6 Big Macs, 4 large bags of chips, two cokes, a fruitcake (c. 1972) and the leftovers from last week’s “Fear Factor”. I lost 3 pounds. My head is the size of a grapefruit, and I can still fit into “one size fits all” caps. I don’t clip my fingernails, but do employ 10 nervous, naked maidens to chew them for me. While I have invented a perpetual motion machine, I do not have the energy to actually build it. I have discovered the Grand Unification Theory. I will publish it when I feel you are ready. That bastard Hawking won’t stop calling me. I once invented lip gloss for a girlfriend with hideously unshiny lips. I invented the Internet. My name is Al Gore and I am your true President. ---
**Author:** ![\_etalhea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/779978/32.png) [@\_etalhea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_etalhea)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2003, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/63 "2003-02-01T01:18:50Z")
OK, I can’t stand it anymore… Hey **Alice** , how _you_ (and your rack) doin’? ---
**Author:** ![beckwall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b487fb/32.png) [@beckwall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beckwall)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2003, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/64 "2003-02-01T01:40:43Z")
I have large knees. Women and children are frightened by my knees. I have to cover them in public, lest I should knock down a small animal or baby. Men find my knees erotic and enchanting. They love to do nasty things with/to/between my knees. I am currently under consideration for the World Knee Hall of Fame. My acceptance speech will go something like this - “I would like to thank all the little people, and even the big people with little knees. Don’t give up hope, with determination and a bit of luck you too can have such blessings. Don’t hate me because I am big-knee’d!” ---
**Author:** ![Pucky\_Schumer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/74df32/32.png) [@Pucky\_Schumer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucky_Schumer)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2003, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/65 "2003-02-01T01:47:34Z")
“Hey, Torgo. Been hitting the Thighmaster lately?” ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2003, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/66 "2003-02-01T04:32:38Z")
Well now. The girls and I are just… magnificent. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rodd\_Hill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3ab097/32.png) [@Rodd\_Hill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodd_Hill)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2003, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/67 "2003-02-01T04:48:05Z")
Pfoo. When I was in Grade 7, the only girl in the whole class who had developed bosoms told me that I reminded her of James Bond! ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2003, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456/68 "2003-02-01T04:48:29Z")
After consuming a six-pack of Yuengling’s Black and Tan to wash down several burritos, I’m able to anally produce the oboe portion of Handel’s Messiah. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-thread-of-wild-mendacious-boasting/151456.md?page=3)