# The three seashells, or, How do bidets work and not end badly? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [November 13, 2015, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475 "2015-11-13T16:49:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Habeed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a587f6/32.png) [@Habeed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Habeed)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/1 "2015-11-13T16:49:46Z")
So, apparently, there’s an alternative device for the whole getting poop smear off your ass crack. The problem with toilet paper is it just smears it around, leaving a residue that is most definitely still there. (easy test - with a clean finger, scratch your asscrack. Sniff. If it smells like poop, you didn’t clean it all up) The flushable wipes ameliorate this. Now, the bidet is supposed to be the end all be all solution. The problem is, I just don’t see how a spray of water doesn’t send fecal particles every which way, or leave your bum dripping when you put your pants back on. It just doesn’t make sense. How do bidets work? ---
**Author:** ![Hermitian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hermitian/32/470_2.png) [@Hermitian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hermitian)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/2 "2015-11-13T17:33:44Z")
I am kind of right there with you on this. I still have difficulty figuring out how this processes really works, especially with the bidet being a separate fixture. So lets say I have completed my business and have done some cursory wipes with toilet paper. I now have to hobble over to the bidet with my pants around my ankles (don’t fall over and crack your skull open on the bidet seat!)? After I get everything wet, (use COLD water or wait two minutes for hot water?), then I have to hobble BACK over to the toilet to dry myself off with the toilet paper. But after I get my butt wet and stand back up, the water will run down my leg… I just don’t’ see how this process is worth it. ---
**Author:** ![Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/channing_idaho_banks/32/250_2.png) [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Channing_Idaho_Banks)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/3 "2015-11-13T17:36:11Z")
I’m sure it takes a lot of practice. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/4 "2015-11-13T17:45:18Z")
> [@Hermitian](#): > > I am kind of right there with you on this. I still have difficulty figuring out how this processes really works, especially with the bidet being a separate fixture. > > So lets say I have completed my business and have done some cursory wipes with toilet paper. I now have to hobble over to the bidet with my pants around my ankles (don’t fall over and crack your skull open on the bidet seat!)? After I get everything wet, (use COLD water or wait two minutes for hot water?), then I have to hobble BACK over to the toilet to dry myself off with the toilet paper. But after I get my butt wet and stand back up, the water will run down my leg… You can upgrade to a seat with a blow dryer: > **[Feel Fresh HI-4001WT Elongated Electric Bidet with Warm Air Dryer (White) -...](https://www.amazon.com/Feel-Fresh-HI-4001WT-Elongated-Electric/dp/B001HOO1FS)** > > Product Description A toilet seat bidet is a sit-down wash basin that is convenient and promotes cleanness. Long considered to be a luxury bathroom fixture, bidets are becoming a common addition to any bathroom. The bidet uses water to... ---
**Author:** ![JcWoman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jcwoman/32/2889_2.png) [@JcWoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JcWoman)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/5 "2015-11-13T17:55:24Z")
> [@Hermitian](#): > > don’t fall over and crack your skull open on the bidet seat I’m with you all in your puzzlement. But this is also an issue that I see: bidets don’t HAVE seats. I understand you’re supposed to squat over them. But I don’t see how you stabilize yourself in the squat position while using your hands to wash. It might be just me, though. I have some physical issues and can’t squat anywhere without holding onto something for support. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/6 "2015-11-13T18:06:55Z")
Ever have really bad diarrhea and just decide to use the shower for clean up instead of TP? Thats the only situation where I’d think a bidet would come in handy. ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/7 "2015-11-13T18:14:35Z")
I’ve used them overseas and have always wanted one for my home. The ones I’ve used were built-in to the toilet and not a separate vessel. They are divine, simply divine. Yes, your bum gets wet. That’s water for you! It wasn’t a firehose blast of water, just a nice soft stream that rinses your behind. A quick tap-tap-tap with toilet paper afterwards and you’re good to go. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/8 "2015-11-13T18:17:34Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > You can upgrade to a seat with a blow dryer: > > [http://www.amazon.com/Feel-Fresh-HI-4001WT-Elongated-Electric/dp/B001HOO1FS](http://www.amazon.com/Feel-Fresh-HI-4001WT-Elongated-Electric/dp/B001HOO1FS) Guys, do NOT include the TRS option. _sings_ Ah, bidets are here again._/sings_ ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/9 "2015-11-13T19:59:12Z")
> [@MeanJoe](#): > > I’ve used them overseas and have always wanted one for my home. The ones I’ve used were built-in to the toilet and not a separate vessel. They are divine, simply divine. > > Yes, your bum gets wet. That’s water for you! It wasn’t a firehose blast of water, just a nice soft stream that rinses your behind. A quick tap-tap-tap with toilet paper afterwards and you’re good to go. Isn’t it cold though? ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/10 "2015-11-13T20:18:56Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Isn’t it cold though? You can get fancy heated versions. And if you’re American getting a bidet, I figure you might as well go all out on the fancy ;). ---
**Author:** ![Bonaventure](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c57346/32.png) [@Bonaventure](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bonaventure)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/11 "2015-11-13T21:38:07Z")
I’m not sure I understand the question. The bidet power washes the fecal matter off and it (the dirty water) drips off your ass and into the bidet. You need a wad of toilet paper just to dry off. It’s not hard. Plus the bidet is usually right next to the toilet so it’s easy to transfer. As for temperature, most bidets that I’ve seen have both a cold and hot water knob. Just turn both on simultaneously. ---
**Author:** ![pohjonen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pohjonen/32/423_2.png) [@pohjonen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pohjonen)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/12 "2015-11-13T21:46:00Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > Guys, do NOT include the TRS option. > > _sings_ Ah, bidets are here again._/sings_ I can’t help but run with this… Ah, bidets are here again You can have a nice clean rear again Don your undies without fear again Ah, bidets are here again! ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/13 "2015-11-13T21:52:00Z")
[How to use a bidet.](http://www.wikihow.com/Use-a-Bidet) There are various kinds, but they’re not that mysterious. If the spray of water “sends fecal particles every which way,” you’ve opened the tap too much. Just open it enough for a gentle stream. Afterwards you use toilet paper to dry yourself, or a towel. (Since you’re supposed to be clean by the time you dry off, this shouldn’t be any more squicky than drying your butt after a regular shower.) You adjust the temperature of the stream the same way you would a shower or tap. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/14 "2015-11-13T22:11:29Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > [How to use a bidet.](http://www.wikihow.com/Use-a-Bidet) Very detailed and helpful. The “Warnings” section towards the end even includes a recommendation that the bidet should not also be used as a drinking fountain. ---
**Author:** ![TSBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@TSBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TSBG)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/15 "2015-11-13T23:17:27Z")
Second the towel. You’ve just washed yourself, you’d dry with a towel after a shower or bath. TP would just make a soggy mess. I’m of the man persuasion, but I understand they’re also useful when women want a quick wash after sex or when menstruating. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2015, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/16 "2015-11-14T00:46:26Z")
I don’t have a bidet, but the toilets in my apartment here in Panama have a hose arrangement that allows you to rinse off after using it. It’s much more comfortable and much cleaner to wash afterward than just using dry paper. When I travel to the US I look forward to coming back here in part for that reason. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2015, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/17 "2015-11-14T02:43:22Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > I don’t have a bidet, but the toilets in my apartment here in Panama have a hose arrangement that allows you to rinse off after using it. It’s much more comfortable and much cleaner to wash afterward than just using dry paper. When I travel to the US I look forward to coming back here in part for that reason. I have one of these in my toilet, or at least something similar, if I’m understanding right. [One of these spray bidets](https://www.rinseworks.com/products/index.php?route=product/product&path=60_61_62&product_id=52&gclid=Cj0KEQiAsZayBRCrioKRkYetvc0BEiQAI70-Aw32VeYv2u3q4aIxNVLpjAfIkIVGyJvNtYxJMJb1EEoaAlrs8P8HAQ). I bought a similar one at either Home Depot or Menard’s. Love the thing. I’ve saved a shitload of toilet paper and feel so much cleaner afterwards! I just have it hooked up to the normal toilet plumbing, so the water isn’t heated or anything, but it doesn’t bother me at all. ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2015, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/18 "2015-11-14T03:08:36Z")
I have a separate bidet right next to my toilet. It has hot and cold taps. After using the toilet I wipe a few times then slide over to the bidet. Turn on the water and relax for a minute. Wipe with paper which is tossed into the unoccupied toilet. Flush and pull up my pants. ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2015, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/19 "2015-11-14T03:13:30Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > I have one of these in my toilet, or at least something similar, if I’m understanding right. [One of these spray bidets](https://www.rinseworks.com/products/index.php?route=product/product&path=60_61_62&product_id=52&gclid=Cj0KEQiAsZayBRCrioKRkYetvc0BEiQAI70-Aw32VeYv2u3q4aIxNVLpjAfIkIVGyJvNtYxJMJb1EEoaAlrs8P8HAQ). I bought a similar one at either Home Depot or Menard’s. Love the thing. I’ve saved a shitload of toilet paper and feel so much cleaner afterwards! I just have it hooked up to the normal toilet plumbing, so the water isn’t heated or anything, but it doesn’t bother me at all. That looks like a good alternative to me, other than no warm water. I’d consider one for my guest bath. ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [November 14, 2015, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475/20 "2015-11-14T03:21:16Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > …I’ve saved a shitload of toilet paper and feel so much cleaner afterwards!.. This not only does your description of the amount not need an “as it were,” you would be hard pressed to find more _juste_ a _mot_. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-three-seashells-or-how-do-bidets-work-and-not-end-badly/737475.md?page=2)