# The time is coming. Join while you can. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 21, 2001, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632 "2001-11-21T18:46:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/21 "2001-11-21T21:05:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FairyChatMom \* > \*\*I’m eminently qualified to head up the Ministry of Chat. Anyone who refuses to use correct grammar and spelling shall be rapped across the knuckles with a wooden ruler. Starting any conversation with “a/s/l” is punishable by public flogging. > > I don’t need a harem, but I would like a couple of serving lads to run errands and other things… \*\* Done. Where as the Courts decide punishments for ‘wrongful acts’, with the Emperor having the final say, we’ll give you the ‘public floggings’. 😉 You’ll have your errand boys. As with the harems, you have the power to chose who will be your errand boys, or they will be assigned to you. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/22 "2001-11-21T21:08:30Z")
I’d like to be the Minister of Big Projects. I’d build the Bering Straits bridge, the Dam of Gibraltar, and the Space Tower (to a geosynchronous orbit.) Turning all volcanoes into geothermal power plants would be another set of projects. I’ll need the staff to pull it off, the power to do what is necessary to get the job done, and a few perks. ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/23 "2001-11-21T21:10:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jaemsc \* > \*\*I’ll take the role of drug czar, that way everyone has to answer to me and i get to dole things out… > one for you 200 for me > one for you 200 for me \*\* The position of Minister of the Food and Drug Administration is reserved at this moment, but not permanently filled. We will process your application and let you know. The position of ‘drug czar’ is right out. How we handle drugs is still under debate, but so far, the majority of those polled feel pot should be legal, but strictly controlled. (We through on the “strictly controlled” part. Hey, we’re in charge! We can do that sort of thing!) ---
**Author:** ![Ferrous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Ferrous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferrous)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/24 "2001-11-21T21:11:14Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Director Kwyjibo_\*\* > (Gawd you’re picky!:D)\*\* Well, when I join a global conspiracy for world domination, I kinda like to know exactly what I’m signing up for. I’ve been burned on these things before, ya know. ---
**Author:** ![Wump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ed655f/32.png) [@Wump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wump)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/25 "2001-11-21T21:15:19Z")
Can i be the **Minister of Masturbation**? My main goal will be to eliminate the need for it by ensuring people get enough sex. Another possible title would be the “ **Pimpin’ Minister** ”, but i shall leave that up to the emperor to decide on what it shall be. I could work with the police (who art so secret, and therefore tought to find) to ensure anyone attempting to abuse the system was banished to the depths of hell. We do have some form of hell right? ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/26 "2001-11-21T21:17:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kwyjibo \* > (We through on the “strictly controlled” part. Hey, we’re in charge! We can do that sort of thing!) \*\* Should be “We threw in”… ---
**Author:** ![Tretiak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a88e57/32.png) [@Tretiak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tretiak)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/27 "2001-11-21T21:19:55Z")
Just make me the Commisioner of Hockey with full water torture rights for former commissioners that came to the NHL from the NBA. Also I could be Secretary of “sitting my ass on the couch and flipping channels”…I are an expert at that. ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/28 "2001-11-21T21:26:19Z")
The Emperor has contacted me from his home in the mountains and has stated the following: [sub]…BTW: the Emperor is a SDMB lurker by the name of Driftwood…he may poke in sometime.[/sub] **Nausicaa** : Slaves: Yes. There will be slaves. We will acquire them from the criminal element. It will be my job to acquire them, but you may have the position of **Minister of Forced Labour.** Jersey: Yes, you can move everyone out. (Who would notice? :D) **Ferrous** : Harem Girls: Yes, they will be provided and will not be paid. **Wump** : Minister of Masturbation: The Emperor says that what ever you do on your time is up to you. 😃 But Masturbation will _not_ be prohibited. (What are ya supposed to do on those long road trips?) ---
**Author:** ![Globe-trotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cab0a1/32.png) [@Globe-trotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Globe-trotter)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/29 "2001-11-21T21:26:26Z")
Can I be the globe-trottin’ spy? Make it so that I don’t have to stay in any given place for longer than, say, a month (an hour if it’s in Mississauga). 😃 ---
**Author:** ![moe.ron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ed8c4c/32.png) [@moe.ron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moe.ron)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/30 "2001-11-21T21:46:45Z")
I’m definitely in. hmmmm… what could I do??? I’ll be the \*\* Guy in charge of innebriating substances\*\* (aka the guy with all the beer). Sounds like this could be fun 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kniz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c37758/32.png) [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/31 "2001-11-21T22:13:44Z")
I want to be **Minister of Sanitation**. :D[sup]Somebody has to do it![/sup] ---
**Author:** ![ChristmasEve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/97f17d/32.png) [@ChristmasEve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChristmasEve)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/32 "2001-11-21T22:22:21Z")
Further to your advertisement, I would like to apply for the position of Minister of Quality Control. As a fully qualified auditor to the international standard ISO9002, it would be my pleasure to assist you in identifying suitable standards for your harems, muzak for prisons, and even, should it be deemed appropriate, the Erotic Arts and Crafts (should Mogwei require any assistance in this arena). And, if I may be so bold, might I substitute Cappuccino jelly beans for the gummi bears? ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/33 "2001-11-21T22:30:15Z")
Ooh! I’m in! I would like to request the position of: Secretary of Partying-Down! (Now, if I could only obtain some bra-bombs, I’d be all set.) ---
**Author:** ![Briminator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Briminator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briminator)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/34 "2001-11-21T23:01:02Z")
Who is in charge of the beer? I volunteer to be in charge of such an important field, if I can’t be in charge I insist on being the official taster. That means that no parties can start without me, I promise to be on time. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/35 "2001-11-21T23:08:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kwyjibo \* > **The Emperor has contacted me from his home in the mountains and has stated the following \** Dude, don’t _tell_ me he’s the creepy guy that hangs out in front of my office. ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/36 "2001-11-21T23:09:01Z")
hmmm… any spaces for cats? Minister of Humans, perhaps… hey, do those uniforms and rayguns come in cat-size? ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/37 "2001-11-21T23:19:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Briminator \* > \*\*Who is in charge of the beer? I volunteer to be in charge of such an important field, if I can’t be in charge I insist on being the official taster. That means that no parties can start without me, I promise to be on time. \*\* **moe.ron** Got that one already. Sorry. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/38 "2001-11-21T23:20:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GingerOfTheNorth \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Kwyjibo \* > > **The Emperor has contacted me from his home in the mountains and has stated the following \** > > Dude, don’t _tell_ me he’s the creepy guy that hangs out in front of my office. \*\* Oh no. The Emperor never seems to leave his house. (Sorry DW.)😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/39 "2001-11-21T23:22:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cougarfang \* > \*\*hey, do those uniforms and rayguns come in cat-size? \*\* Umm…yes…yes they do. Please step through this door sir. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Briminator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba9def/32.png) [@Briminator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briminator)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2001, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632/40 "2001-11-21T23:29:37Z")
Crap I missed that one. Hmmmm…How about the Minister of Practical Jokes, I got tons of em. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-time-is-coming-join-while-you-can/94632.md?page=3)