# The "Top Writer" of Fortune Cookies is Quitting **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 15, 2017, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903 "2017-02-15T14:22:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2017, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/1 "2017-02-15T14:22:42Z")
That’s what the story says > **[America's Top Fortune Cookie Writer Is Quitting](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/americas-top-fortune-cookie-writer-is-quitting_n_58a3d96be4b03df370dbacc7?4lralydd3w1rwwmi=&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=The%2BMorning%2BEmail%2B021517&utm_content=The%2BMorning%2BEmail%2B021517%2BCID_b0c8c7a371a999ba36e49ff97a7f08bc&utm_source=Email%2Bmarketing%2Bsoftware&utm_term=top%2Bfortune%2Bcookie%2Bwriter%2Bis%2Bquitting)** > > Apparently 2017 didn't seem ominous enough already. > [@](#): > > Donald Lau has been writing the messages on America’s fortune cookies for the past 30 years, but a severe case of writer’s block has caused him to pass his pen. > The chief fortune writer at Brooklyn-based Wonton Food Inc., the largest manufacturer of noodles, wrappers, and fortune cookies in the United States, has been training his successor for the past six months, according to Time magazine. > “I used to write 100 a year, but I’ve only written two or three a month over the past year,” he told the magazine. > Lau also serves as the company’s chief financial officer, so he will continue to work in that capacity when the new writer takes over. If the “Fortunes” that we’ve been getting for the past couple of years are any indication, he’s been losing it for a while. None of the ones we open are fortunes anymore. Generally they’re platitudes. Sometimes they’re downright enigmatic. Padding them out with single=word Chinese language lessons and purported winning lottery numbers doesn’t help. Heck, have the new guy write actual predictions and fortunes again. even if it’s “Reply Hazy, Eat another Cookie” ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2017, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/2 "2017-02-15T14:40:36Z")
Why can’t they recycle ones from 30 years ago? Who would even notice? ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2017, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/3 "2017-02-15T14:43:51Z")
**The “Top Writer” of Fortune Cookies is Quitting** …between the sheets. ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2017, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/4 "2017-02-15T17:25:05Z")
That explains the fortunes I’ve been getting for the past year: “If you find yourself in a rut, try something new” “Maybe the grass really _is_ greener on the other side of the fence” “When you begin drinking on the job, mkae a cheang” “If you find yourself in a rut, try something new” “God I’m so depressed” “If you find yourself on the job, try drinking a rut” “My wife doesn’t even let me talk to her anymore” “Rut. Rutrutrutrutrutrutrutrut. Rut.” ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2017, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/5 "2017-02-15T18:06:23Z")
“Help! My creativity is being held hostage in a Chinese fortune cookie factory!” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2017, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/6 "2017-02-15T19:08:11Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > “Reply Hazy, Eat another Cookie” “You will win a thread that you begin.” ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2017, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/7 "2017-02-15T19:31:59Z")
All work and no play makes Donald a dull boy. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2017, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/8 "2017-02-15T19:33:34Z")
Perhaps it’s time to open the “Stick With Your Wife” barrel. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2017, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/9 "2017-02-15T19:44:49Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > All work and no play makes Donald a dull boy. That’s not a fortune, it is advice. ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2017, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/10 "2017-02-15T22:04:25Z")
Where do I apply? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2017, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/11 "2017-02-15T23:58:29Z")
> [@Patx2](#): > > Where do I apply? The longest journey begins with a single step. That’s not a fortune, it is a proverb. ---
**Author:** ![jtur88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e9c0ed/32.png) [@jtur88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jtur88)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/12 "2017-02-16T13:23:45Z")
Well, let’s see. “Your baby will be born with two heads.” No, probably not good for business. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/13 "2017-02-16T13:51:12Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > Why can’t they recycle ones from 30 years ago? Who would even notice? Well, the things are served after a Chinese meal. Might get caught out in a half hour or so. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/14 "2017-02-16T14:38:20Z")
> [@Monty](#): > > Well, the things are served after a Chinese meal. Might get caught out in a half hour or so. Just use random sentences from Facebook. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/15 "2017-02-16T14:45:04Z")
> [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](#): > > “Rut. Rutrutrutrutrutrutrutrut. Rut.” … in bed. (That would be the Australian fortune cookie.) ---
**Author:** ![SantaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/da6949/32.png) [@SantaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SantaMan)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/16 "2017-02-16T15:34:54Z")
> [@Patx2](#): > > Where do I apply? In bed. \ ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/17 "2017-02-16T15:38:53Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Just use random sentences from Facebook. …because these are **Fortune Cookies** , not random bits by Talent-less Hacks from Sirius XM Radio… ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2017, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/18 "2017-02-16T15:54:49Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > …because these are **Fortune Cookies** , not random bits by Talent-less Hacks from Sirius XM Radio… You can tell the difference? ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2017, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/19 "2017-02-18T02:51:12Z")
Yeah, I think the guy’s been losing it. I opened a fortune cookie today and it gave me some nonsense about, “Improve your exercise routine for better health.” ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2017, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-top-writer-of-fortune-cookies-is-quitting/779903/20 "2017-02-18T06:15:09Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > Yeah, I think the guy’s been losing it. I opened a fortune cookie today and it gave me some nonsense about, “Improve your exercise routine for better health.” Jay Leno commenting on the latest Hollywood no-diet weight loss fad: > [@](#): > > Once again proving that Americans will do anything to lose weight…except diet and exercise.