# The "Tradwife" lifestyle: Does anyone else find this appealing, or have personal experience with it? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 1, 2024, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528 "2024-11-01T02:07:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/121 "2024-11-02T21:57:31Z")
Thank you for clarifying this. I wasn’t sure whether to participate in the thread - I still don’t think I really need to, but I was watching from the sidelines in some confusion, so I appreciate the clarity. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/122 "2024-11-02T22:16:04Z")
TBH, nowadays an abuser would totally be on to this. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/123 "2024-11-02T22:16:35Z")
I don’t know how to make the umlaut. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/124 "2024-11-02T22:18:30Z")
It can also, Maybe, maybe just once save a person. Mainly a woman. , IMO. One life is one life. I don’t see where trying to save yourself in any manner you can is a danger, anymore than you’re already in danger. Certainly a silent hand sign can’t hurt anyone else. And, I will now stop this hijack. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/125 "2024-11-02T22:18:33Z")
This isn’t about people who call themselves tradwives as part of their influencer status. The hospital I worked at in the 00s started asking people the “Do you feel safe in the place where you are living?” early in that decade, and it was asked of all people who were deemed competent to answer, even children (and not when a person who might render it otherwise was in the room). ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/126 "2024-11-02T22:21:33Z")
I’ve also heard of bars having an unofficial “safe drink”, used as a code if a customer feels that they are in danger, and then a customer who doesn’t know about this orders that drink, because it’s what they want, and the staff goes into high gear. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/127 "2024-11-02T22:25:43Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I’ve also heard of bars having an unofficial “safe drink”, used as a code if a customer feels that they are in danger, and then a customer who doesn’t know about this orders that drink, because it’s what they want, and the staff goes into high gear This sounds like urban legend territory. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/128 "2024-11-02T22:29:52Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > I don’t know how to make the umlaut. It’s not only the umlaut, but the ‘n’ at the end of “Kuchen” makes it a totally different singular noun (meaning cake) than “Küche” (meaning kitchen). “Küchen” OTOH is the correct plural of “Küche”. Yeah, German is an esoteric language… ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/129 "2024-11-02T22:49:35Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Well, you’re a man. Right? > > Not a bartender? > Not a restaurant server? > Not a healthcare worker or 911 operator? > Not a previously abused woman or female friend of one? > > I’m assuming. > > I learned it volunteering at a women’s shelter. Yes male. None of those jobs. But somebody subject to required-by-Federal-law training every year on detecting and preventing human trafficking. Along w ~80K of my direct customer service co-workers. That’s one hell of an army of people to be on the lookout for exploitation. None of those items were included in our training in any of the 10+ years I took it. None. Whoever invented those things is failing miserably at getting the word out to major corporations that could educate vast numbers of public-facing workers who’re already required by law to be alert for abusive situations. I can only speak to my own industry (airlines), but I’ll check w my friends in the medical biz and see if any hospital systems are teaching this. I’m _not_ suggesting you’re wrong as such. I am suggesting these “standard signals” are more informal and (probably) more local than we all appreciate. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/130 "2024-11-02T23:15:28Z")
I bet you didn’t know purple nail polish on your ring finger signifies Domestic violence awareness. And tells women in danger you will try to help. #PutTheNailInIt (It’s not supposed to be loud and noticeable, abusers know and watch. It has to be secret) ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/131 "2024-11-02T23:24:03Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I bet you didn’t know purple nail polish on your ring finger signifies Domestic violence awareness. And tells women in danger you will try to help. A person wears purple nail polish on a ring finger to tell abused women you’ll help them? How on earth are they going to see it? ---
**Author:** ![Everlong88](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/everlong88/32/17800_2.png) [@Everlong88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Everlong88)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/132 "2024-11-02T23:32:19Z")
A surreptitiously fired flare gun can also be a secret signal to get you out of trouble. ---
**Author:** ![ParallelLines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/parallellines/32/3575_2.png) [@ParallelLines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParallelLines)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/133 "2024-11-02T23:34:45Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I’ve also heard of bars having an unofficial “safe drink”, used as a code if a customer feels that they are in danger, and then a customer who doesn’t know about this orders that drink, because it’s what they want, and the staff goes into high gear. Anecdote only, but my wife commented a few years back when we went to a new-to-us bar with food. While she was in the bathroom, there was a sign saying if you were unsafe with the people you were there with, to go to the bar and order an “Angel Drink”. The assumption, probably good, being a woman is more likely than a man to be abused (likely, not certain) but a man wouldn’t be able to follow them into the bathroom. So the information was placed appropriately, and reasonably securely from prying eyes. Not a perfect option, but hey, why not? ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/134 "2024-11-02T23:36:34Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > A person wears purple nail polish on a ring finger to tell abused women you’ll help them? How on earth are they going to see it? That isn’t the only problem with this one. A quick look online seems to indicate that it came and went about six or eight years ago, that it was a ‘month of October’ thing (only), and that there’s only an indication that it was a show of support, but _not_ an offer to help. I see this as more information that – IMHO – is like telling DV victims to look for a pay phone if they’re in danger. > **[I Paint My Nail Purple To Help End The Silence Surrounding Domestic Violence](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-reason-behind-my-purple-nail-giving-a-voice-to-children-who-witness-domestic-violence_b_58064690e4b0dd54ce3547c3)** > > This type of trauma is something no child should ever experience. > **[About - #PutTheNailInIt](https://putthenailinit.com/about/)** > > Paint your ring fingernail purple, and show the world your vow to help spread awareness of domestic violence. > **[Here's Why Celebs Are Painting a Nail Purple During Domestic Violence...](https://www.womansday.com/relationships/g3255/put-the-nail-in-it-campaign/)** > > It's time to end domestic violence. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/135 "2024-11-02T23:47:47Z")
> [@DavidNRockies](#): > > > [@needscoffee](#): > > > > A person wears purple nail polish on a ring finger to tell abused women you’ll help them? How on earth are they going to see it? > > That isn’t the only problem with this one. Hmm, I’ve taken to painting one nail because the quick is damaged, and that nail tends to catch on things and partially break off, and painting it significantly reduces the risk of that happening. And… of course it’s one of my ring fingers. I don’t think I’ve done purple, yet, but i bought some purple as part of a rainbow set. Let’s just say there was a large chance i would have painted that nail purple for completely random reasons having nothing to do with abuse, and i am not in a good position to help a woman who is being abused. The best i can offer there is that when i took my aging mother to a lot of medical appointments, i offered to leave the room when the social worker showed up. And the social worker was generally grateful for my understanding. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/136 "2024-11-02T23:49:13Z")
That’s the “Angel shot” mentioned upthread. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/LYSXNifSVQ4/maxresdefault.jpg "Girl orders an angel shot from the bartender #angelshot #bartender") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYSXNifSVQ4) ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/137 "2024-11-02T23:49:41Z")
Anyway, i think this is true. > [@LSLGuy](#): > > I’m _not_ suggesting you’re wrong as such. I am suggesting these “standard signals” are more informal and (probably) more local than we all appreciate. And also, we are veering away from “tradwives”, most of whom are probably not abused, or at least, not in a way that will lead them to want to signal a bartender. Let’s get back to tradwives, please. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/138 "2024-11-02T23:49:58Z")
The ‘[signal for help](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Signal_for_Help)’ has been the subject of awareness ads on TV (here in the UK at least) - it does appear to be the closest thing there is to a signal that can be expected to work. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/139 "2024-11-02T23:50:47Z")
Clerks in stores. Servers at restaurants. Bartenders, Bank Tellers. Passerbys, Medical professionals. Me, as an ultra aware person who is nervous out in the world and keep a watch. Look if you are truly an abused/endangered woman you’ve been in the system. Either shelters, welfare organizations, medical. You’ve heard these ways to get help. If danger is eminent. The women tend to be frequent flyers at these shelters. I’m not sure the stats, but it takes numerous times for them not to go back to their abuser. All shelters have programs the women need to sit through. They are teaching moments. If it’s said enough it will finally get through to them. There are lots of things they can do to help themselves. They need to be told these things. Word of mouth. How women have learned things for centuries. And as @puzzlegal has said, back to Tradwives. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2024, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528/140 "2024-11-02T23:53:55Z")
Yes. But the people who _aren’t_ those victimized women, those who might be in a position to assist the victim, need to be taught the signals too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-tradwife-lifestyle-does-anyone-else-find-this-appealing-or-have-personal-experience-with-it/1009528.md?page=8)