# The trashiest thing you have ever seen **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 26, 2011, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038 "2011-03-26T05:06:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2011, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/121 "2011-03-28T22:37:57Z")
> [@Full\_Metal\_Lotus](#): > > I would assume that the most shocking faux pas that I was ever ewxposed to happened one early spring when we were paying a visit to the Harpers (The East coast Harpers, not those terrible Los Angeles Harpers). We were all sitting down to morning tea, hoping to make plans to motor into town and pick up some antiques (its the best time of the year you know, the better shops are stocked for the tourist trade, but the tourists have not begun their annual locust like descent upon us - we usually summer at Randy’s Island, just to get away.. its so dreadful). Anyway, Betsy and Mim were already at the table when we arrives, so we sat and greeted them. At that point one of the maids passed gas, audibly, and Betsy, flew into a rage and threw a scalding hot pot of tea at her, scalding her terribly. and no doubt leaving her hideously scarred for life. > I was shocked… when Betsy got up to throw the tea at the rude maid, I could see she was wearing white! > Well before Labour Day! > > Well, I never! > > Do I win a prize? > [@Erdosain](#): > > You win a prize for screwing up your own joke. It’s white AFTER Labor Day. You are expected to wear white during the summer. Plus, what couldn’t you see until she stood up? ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2011, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/122 "2011-03-28T22:40:42Z")
> [@Cicero](#): > > Jailbird. I think she was on day release from holding up a Night Owl store. And trust me you wouldn’t want to touch her with someone else’s dick. Riigght. :eek: Thanks for clearing that up… and a mental image better than any cold shower. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2011, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/123 "2011-03-28T23:09:23Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > I’m glad I’m not the only one who really really likes _Cops_. One thing I really miss about ditching cable is that Cops is never on. This [comic](http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2010/10/6/) kind of says it all. ---
**Author:** ![Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Full_Metal_Lotus)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/124 "2011-03-29T01:20:50Z")
Yes. I realise that I missed the mark in the white before labour day thing, no doubt due to one too many sangrias with, or should I say as, breakfast, and I do most sincerely apologize; your hand written notes to that effect shall arrive as soon as they have been vetted by my legal department. Obviously, I saw that she was wearing white slacks, which only added to my shock and horror. I do fear that standards are slipping everywhere. What is one to do? Regards Bertie ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/125 "2011-03-29T03:06:38Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > One thing I really miss about ditching cable is that Cops is never on. This [comic](http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2010/10/6/) kind of says it all. Oh see, the difference is I actually am on the _lookout_ for Cops. We’re watching Reno 911 right now and holy shit is it amazing. I guess I never paid attention before but a good 50% of the trailer trash people they go after in the show actually is one of the Reno cops if you look closely. Probably the best white trash thing I’ve witnessed (which was actually terrible and horrifying at the time) was when a patient of my mom’s waddled down the hallway and accosted mom’s secretary with “Why is that dark man staring at Dr. Bluth?” Secretary: “Actually that’s her husband, Dr. OtherBluth”. The obese Medicaid trainwreck snarls"Jesus, I hope they never have kids!" ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/126 "2011-03-29T03:27:43Z")
When I still had cable, I wouldn’t _look_ for Cops - Cops is one of those things that’s always there, like your blankie. You don’t have to look for it, you can rely on it. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/127 "2011-03-29T13:15:05Z")
I once saw and heard a work of Mozart utterly and completely destroyed. [Sadly, you can too…](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwvqdXR3XnI) \*warning! This link can damage your mind and incite violence in normally calm and healthy people. Sharp and/or heavy objects should be removed from your desk prior to viewing. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/128 "2011-03-29T14:16:01Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#): > > A teenager in a tube top at her grandma’s funeral. It was summer, but still . . . My cousin wore a tube top and hot pants to her wedding rehearsal. But I wasn’t there to see it. I remember the El Camino in our parking lot with a toilet sitting in the bed. We called it the El Crapino. On the other hand, how else could one take the thing home? Once, while I was putting groceries in a lady’s car trunk, she reached into one of the bags, grabbed a beer and said to me with a wink, “One for the road!” A guy I knew who lived in his van with his wife and two kids once tried to prostitute his wife to me. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/129 "2011-03-29T14:57:28Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > I once saw and heard a work of Mozart utterly and completely destroyed. > > [Sadly, you can too…](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwvqdXR3XnI) > > \*warning! This link can damage your mind and incite violence in normally calm and healthy people. Sharp and/or heavy objects should be removed from your desk prior to viewing. I just looked at that with the sound off, and I think it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. On YouTube. With the sound off. Okay, lots of qualifications, but it was still funny. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/130 "2011-03-29T19:14:31Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > When I still had cable, I wouldn’t _look_ for Cops - Cops is one of those things that’s always there, like your blankie. You don’t have to look for it, you can rely on it. Mmm, actually you’re right. I never strongly seek it out per se…but when it appears I’m relieved. ---
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/131 "2011-03-29T20:49:02Z")
Hmmm … all this talk of _Cops_ has me thinking. I’m actually doing a ride-along with a cop friend of mine this Thursday. He’s doing the day shift, and it’s in Minneapolis not Hollyweird, but there are still good odds that I’ll be witness to some things that would be appropriate for this thread. One can only hope! ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/132 "2011-03-29T21:51:48Z")
god bless this thread, i love it. ---
**Author:** ![markm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@markm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markm)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/133 "2011-03-29T22:02:20Z")
Hard to pick, but two come to mind right now that kind of tie. First one, a two-parter: Rural bar where I grew up. In the bar, a local woman is sitting at the bar. This woman is maybe 5’ tall and at least that much in circumference. I’ve only ever see her wearing one thing – her green terrycloth muumuu. She has greasy hair and you can nearly see the cartoonish odor lines exploding from her. Just all around horrid looking. Then she says, “Whoops, too late.” as she stands from her bar stool and starts to walk off, apparently to the bathroom. The bar stool is noticeably soaked with a yellowish, unsurprisingly urine-smelling, liquid dripping from it. On another occasion, she’s outside the bar, in the parking lot, talking to someone. Without even stopping the conversation, she widens her stance and begins to urinate, without even batting an eye. The urine is splashing on the gravel below her, splattering her feet and those of her fellow conversant. Another time, when I was working at a bank, I went with the collections officer to do a car repo. The car was not where we went, but had it been, it couldn’t have been worth driving back to the bank. The property had two single-wide trailers on it, one with plastic strips for a front door and no windows. The other had no windows or door. The collector told me to stick my head in the doorless one and see if the occupant was home. As I did, he started laughing, and laughed harder as I recoiled in horror. Inside, the trailer was layered with clothes probably 3 feet deep, solidly, from wall to wall. There was a tunnel dug out from the door to the far corner, with the clothes mounded up there nearly to the ceiling. The collector told me the property belonged to a brother and sister. They’d been left the property and a bit of money by their parents. They squandered the money and now lived in these trailers, her in the one with the door, him in the over-sized rat nest. He used it about as you would expect, climbing through his tunnel to the pile of clothing in the corner, where he slept. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/134 "2011-03-29T22:14:54Z")
With the collection here, this thread is now the trashiest thing I’ve ever seen. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2011, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/135 "2011-03-30T02:22:41Z")
Well, I was drunk the day my Mom got outta prison, and I went to pick her up in the rain. But before I could get to the station in my pickup truck, she got runned over by a damned old train. Does that count? ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2011, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/136 "2011-03-30T03:03:20Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Well, I was drunk the day my Mom got outta prison, and I went to pick her up in the rain. But before I could get to the station in my pickup truck, she got runned over by a damned old train. > > Does that count? “Track marks. Another senseless drug-related death…” 🆒 Hello, JetBlue? First class to Hell, please… ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2011, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/137 "2011-03-30T06:31:29Z")
I don’t think I can pick just one… In the Ladies room at a concert i attended several years ago, the stalls were occupied. One lady was peeing in the floor drain. A little boy about 5, wearing nothing but dirty Spiderman undies, cowboy boots and a gold necklace, was running wild at the dessert bar of a local restaurant. He used one of the dining chairs to climb onto the bar and was using both hands to shovel pudding, cake, and ice cream into his mouth. Back in my younger/wilder days, a bunch of us had ended up at the home of a friend’s new boyfriend. He had been bragging all night about how awesomely he had decorated his house. We thought it was just pot induced ramblings. You know that really sparkly glossy paint they use on boats? He somehow got his hands on several gallons of it in red. Every piece of furniture including the TV was red and sparkly! The refridgerater was red but not sparkly because he painted it with regular paint. The ceiling was black and looked like it was splattered with blood. I couldn’t stop looking at it. He asked if I liked that “feather” painting. Then he told how he had some of the rfridgerater paint left over and used feathers from the yard to sling it up there. We stayed the night, and I ended up sleeping in a barber chair he had bolted to the floor in the living room. Let me tell you, you DO NOT want to wake up with a hangover, with the sun pinging off a gazillion sparkly things. ---
**Author:** ![Ostrya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/35a633/32.png) [@Ostrya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ostrya)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2011, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/138 "2011-03-30T10:15:32Z")
I’ll get you for this, **Count Blucher**!!!11eleven ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2011, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/139 "2011-03-30T14:29:02Z")
> [@Batsinma\_Belfry](#): > > A little boy about 5, wearing nothing but dirty Spiderman undies, cowboy boots and a gold necklace, was running wild at the dessert bar of a local restaurant. He used one of the dining chairs to climb onto the bar and was using both hands to shovel pudding, cake, and ice cream into his mouth. Ahhh, you jogged my memory of another one. Probably the trashiest, since it took place in a wealthy suburb where people fancy themselves better than other people. From a Yelp review I left: “A family in the table to my left and in front let their child (6 or 7, mind you) take off his shoes and run around. He then ground his heels into the carpet - with a piece of chicken in between. He swiped a cloth napkin from an empty table and rubbed it all over his feet. I audibly gasped, but his obese mother couldn’t hear me or ignored me. Then she threatened to take each of their Kindles away if they didn’t shut up. The boy was eating with salad tongs instead of a fork all night long.” The staff did nothing at all; only later did I find out that the management had changed recently. ---
**Author:** ![Jelly\_Roll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Jelly\_Roll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jelly_Roll)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2011, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038/140 "2011-03-30T16:39:56Z")
Living in Middle Tennessee, I see trashy stuff all the time. But the one that really sticks out in my mind was the time I was walking into Wal-Mart behind a young mother and her daughter sharing a cigarette. Of course, the daughter couldn’t have been older than 4 and was dressed in the nothing but her diaper, in March. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-trashiest-thing-you-have-ever-seen/576038.md?page=8)