# The traveling salesman and the farmer's daughter **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 7, 2000, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-traveling-salesman-and-the-farmers-daughter/15651 "2000-04-07T16:19:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/earl_snake-hips_tucker/32/3269_2.png) [@Earl\_Snake-Hips\_Tucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earl_Snake-Hips_Tucker)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2000, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-traveling-salesman-and-the-farmers-daughter/15651/1 "2000-04-07T16:19:00Z")
What is this joke? I’ve never actually heard it, although I’ve heard about it forever. (I’m sure there are numerous variations, but any will do.) ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2000, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-traveling-salesman-and-the-farmers-daughter/15651/2 "2000-04-07T16:23:00Z")
Oh, ho ho . . . I told a couple of these jokes at the last NY get-together, but there is NO WAY I am repeating them over E-mail on a Web page. Anyone remember the ones I told about the rag doll and the chamber pot? ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2000, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-traveling-salesman-and-the-farmers-daughter/15651/3 "2000-04-07T16:38:00Z")
I remember the one you told about the three Irishmen and the baked apple. **Alphagene** is STILL blushing. ---
**Author:** ![pluto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f08c70/32.png) [@pluto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pluto)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2000, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-traveling-salesman-and-the-farmers-daughter/15651/4 "2000-04-08T05:48:00Z")
“Whatever you do, DON’T SELL THAT COW!!!” (Bonus points to anyone who recognizes the reference!) ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2000, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-traveling-salesman-and-the-farmers-daughter/15651/5 "2000-04-07T18:00:00Z")
hmmm…seeing as how the popular threads of late have had to deal with the origins of the words “feltching” and “smegma”, two words I think I could have lived without knowing about, I don’t see how a couple dirty jokes could hurt anyone. * * * * * * I’m waiting for my Wally quote. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2000, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-traveling-salesman-and-the-farmers-daughter/15651/6 "2000-04-07T18:04:00Z")
Well, these are REALLY DIRTY jokes; not only do you people know who I am, but if I sent them over my office computer, I could get royally bounced out of my job. I can let on that the punchlines were . . . Oh, damn, I just remembered even one of the punchlines is too dirty to repeat in an open forum . . . ---
**Author:** ![Mojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Mojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mojo)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2000, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-traveling-salesman-and-the-farmers-daughter/15651/7 "2000-04-07T18:33:00Z")
There are several variations on the “Travelling salesman and the farmer’s daughter(s)” joke. You can pretty much make up your own but the basic gist is that there’s a travelling salesman who needs a place to stay for the night. He stops at a farmhouse where the farmer says he can stay but “don’t touch my daughter!” Salesman doesn’t listen, hilarity ensues. Mr. Show had a musical called “The Joke: The Musical” based on the three holes version of this. ---
**Author:** ![Henry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df705f/32.png) [@Henry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Henry)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2000, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-traveling-salesman-and-the-farmers-daughter/15651/8 "2000-04-07T18:42:00Z")
“Whatever you do, DON’T SELL THAT COW!!!” Gene Hackman in Bonnie and Clyde? ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2000, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-traveling-salesman-and-the-farmers-daughter/15651/9 "2000-04-07T19:00:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Mojo: > **based on the three holes version of this.** “Three holes version” ? Is that related in any way to the old story about the young bridegroom with the three penises? {For the above tale, plus several variants of the Traveling Salesman and the Farmer’s Daughter, see Vance Randolph’s classic collection of Feelthy Ozark Mountain Folklore, PISSING IN THE SNOW.) – Ukulele “Just call me Beans” Ike ---
**Author:** ![pluto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f08c70/32.png) [@pluto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pluto)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2000, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-traveling-salesman-and-the-farmers-daughter/15651/10 "2000-04-07T19:54:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Henry: > **"Whatever you do, DON’T SELL THAT COW!!!" > Gene Hackman in Bonnie and Clyde?** Yup! ---
**Author:** ![Mojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Mojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mojo)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2000, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-traveling-salesman-and-the-farmers-daughter/15651/11 "2000-04-07T20:10:00Z")
“You don’t deserve an answer but I’ll give one anyway Behind the first hole was my wife that is where she stays Hole number 2 was my daughter Young and supple like a fawn The last hole was the milk machine that doesn’t stop til fifty gaaaallons are withdraawwwaaawwnnnnnnn!” “Don’t stick yer dick in these holes!” ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2000, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-traveling-salesman-and-the-farmers-daughter/15651/12 "2000-04-07T21:45:00Z")
a Net search turned up a few different, among them: [http://archives.indenial.com/hypermail/humor/pre1998/0003.html](http://archives.indenial.com/hypermail/humor/pre1998/0003.html)[http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/90q2/rooster.html](http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/90q2/rooster.html)[http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/old90/chuck.html](http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/old90/chuck.html) and even [http://www.farmers-daughter.com/](http://www.farmers-daughter.com/) ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2000, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-traveling-salesman-and-the-farmers-daughter/15651/13 "2000-04-07T23:10:00Z")
I found a variation on the “farmer’s daughter” story in _Sex to Sexty_ (actually, there were many variations, but this is the best): The farmer told the salesman he could spend the night sleeping in the farmer’s station wagon, since there was no room in the house, occupied by the farmer, his wife, and their slightly overweight but pretty daughter. So the farmer sacked out in the car. Late at night he was awakened by the intrusion of the daughter, opening the car door. I can leave much of what followed to the Teeming Millions’ imagination, but early in the morning the salesman went on his way. A few months later he got a letter from the farmer, written in verse: _Was it you who did the pushin’ Left the spots upon my cushion And your footprints on my dashboard upside down? Now my darlin’ little daughter Bulges where she hadn’t oughter And it’s been a long time since she came around!_ The salesman was quite a wit in his own right and penned a reply, also in verse: _Yes, I might have done some pushin 'When I got up off your cushion And you may have seen my footprints upside down… 'Cause your daughter, full of fritz, Scared me clean out of my wits… And the only spots I left behind were brown!"_😉