# The Truth About Mail-Order Brides **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [June 12, 2005, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937 "2005-06-12T04:19:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2005, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/41 "2005-06-13T15:42:21Z")
> [@](#): > > I would go ahead and add, “Are you using a mail-order bride service?” to that. I would also add one more: “When you decided that you couldn’t make a marriage work with any of the ten million available women in your own country, did you tell yourself that there must be something wrong with all of them instead of you?” ---
**Author:** ![rfgdxm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c0e974/32.png) [@rfgdxm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rfgdxm)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2005, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/42 "2005-06-13T16:00:03Z")
> [@simple homer](#): > > I try to tell the men that I meet here in the Philippines that they should choose a Filipina due to liking the Filipinas culture, and not due to any dislike of American culture. I think a mans appreciation for the Filipina should be due to his respect and understanding of her culture, and not just because he is trying to run alway from American culture. Most Filipinas tell me that they want and respect a man that is responsible, supportive, and loving. I think most Asian women enjoy and are comfortable with being more feminine, and that is why some men might find them more attractive. This would seem to be good advice. I’d think for an American to really relate well with a Filipina wife would require that he understand the culture she’s from. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2005, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/43 "2005-06-13T16:07:05Z")
> [@rfgdxm](#): > > This would seem to be good advice. I’d think for an American to really relate well with a Filipina wife would require that he understand the culture she’s from. And lest anyone thing that Filipina’s are push-overs… While they tend to be more, I dunno, ‘traditional’ I guess isn’t really the right word, but it’ll do until something better comes along. Anyway, whilst they _might_ be ‘traditional,’ tradition cuts both ways. IME with the Filipina wives of sailors, they tend to vigorously defend their traditional perogitives, _as they expect them to be_. IOW, _don’t_ cross your Filipina wife! She’ll stand her ground. Many, many of the sailors I know/knew with Filipina wives have essentially assumed _her_ definition of a husband’s role in the household. Mind you, that’s not a bad thing in the eyes of many, but it again reenforces the desirability of understanding _her_ culture and assumptions _before_ you marry! ---
**Author:** ![rfgdxm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c0e974/32.png) [@rfgdxm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rfgdxm)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2005, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/44 "2005-06-13T16:10:41Z")
> [@simple homer](#): > > Here in the Philippines I have seen many unattractive foreign men with lovely Filipinas. But, I also have seen many unattrative local men with really hot Filipinas. Not all cultures place an emphasis on “tall, dark, and handsome”. One of the great things about living here is that most of the women will tell you that they want a nice guy, and they mean it. The women here have seen far too many female relatives live in horrid poverty due to an abundance of irresponsible men, and so, many women here just seek a man that will be sober and responsible. Macho, arrogant, playboys tend not to do well with the women here. Quiet, polite, employed gentlemen will have more women than they can handle. Most women all over the world are seeking a safe ,secure life for themselves and their children. Since about 33% of the population here lives on less than a dollar a day, most employed men in other countries can provide a safer and better life. The average salary here is about $4 a day. Yep. The key there is that a guy who is seen as a good catch is quiet, polite and employed gentleman. The priority isn’t macho and good looking. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2005, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/45 "2005-06-13T16:12:06Z")
> [@phall0106](#): > > Ya’ know, I was just sitting here, reading all this, and thinking, “Hmmmm…I wonder where I could place an order for a Mail Order Husband who will cook for me and have sex on demand for two years…” How YOU doin’? ---
**Author:** ![rfgdxm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c0e974/32.png) [@rfgdxm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rfgdxm)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2005, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/46 "2005-06-13T16:19:49Z")
> [@Little Nemo](#): > > I would also add one more: “When you decided that you couldn’t make a marriage work with any of the ten million available women in your own country, did you tell yourself that there must be something wrong with all of them instead of you?” Given that there are hundreds of millions of women available for marriage worldwide, **why** would an American guy who financially could afford to be choosy necessarily try first to select from the subset of the pool that happen to be American women? You seem to presume that a guy would just prefer local women if he would have no trouble marrying one. Why not instead choose amongst the pool of available women those who a marriage is most likely to succeed? ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2005, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/47 "2005-06-13T16:22:26Z")
> [@simple homer](#): > > …many women here just seek a man that will be sober and responsible. Macho, arrogant, playboys tend not to do well with the women here. Quiet, polite, employed gentlemen will have more women than they can handle. Most women all over the world are seeking a safe ,secure life for themselves and their children. As my wife puts it, “Most adult women don’t really care what a guy looks like as long as he’s nice and has a job.” And Filipinas range between nice looking and heart-stoppingly hot, though I have no idea where they got that reputation for being docile. The ones I’ve met, while perfectly charming if you stay on their good side, have an edge that makes me think they are the Sicilian women of the Pacific. An even better reason for guys who fit the standard mold of “losers” to avoid them (and for the women to avoid those guys) is the ballroom dancing. The intersection between the sets “Losers” and “Guys Who Like to Dance” is a null set, but then the intersection between “Straight American Men” and “Guys Who Like to Dance” is nearly as small, so Filipinas are forewarned. I think excessive dancing is why we never made the Philipines and Cuba states. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2005, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/48 "2005-06-13T16:34:33Z")
I’m a little put off by some of the sarcastic remarks and generalisations being put about here. > [@](#): > > Has it been your experience that there’s no women on this continent who would marry you? As it happens, I married someone who’s from another continent. (She is, in fact, from the country where my own parents came from.) Does that make me a loser? In fact, I happen to know quite a few American-born people of both genders whose spouses are from other countries – India, China, France, Zaire … I know one guy who met his Russian wife on the Internet on one of those “brides from Russia” sites, which, I believe, counts as what’s being described as a mail order bridge-type service. This guy makes good money, comes from a good family, is college educated, is decent looking, has a decent if quirky personality, and has dated in this country. He is, in my opinion, overly fond of computer games, but, hey, whatever floats your boat. In the end, as has been mentioned, it seems to me that the service was more of an introduction service – all the standard immigration procedures had to be followed. And apparently, he and his Russian bride have gotten along well enough for their marriage to have survived for 5-6 years so far and produced a child. I’m happy for my friend and his wife and I resent the implication that either of them have done something unseemly or risible or that should label either of them losers. I, for one, don’t see it as any less disreputable than meeting one’s future spouse while getting hammered in a night club or spewing chunks on the beach during spring break. I for one don’t like bars and I view people who don’t hang out in bars looking for their future spouses as inherently better than those who do, for me anyway. Y.M.M.V. > [@](#): > > Do you believe that there’s something wrong with all American women nowadays and foreign women are inherently better? People find their happiness where they can. I resent the implication that I might be a loser based on the citizenship status or nationality of the person I chose to marry. ---
**Author:** ![jimmmy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/73ab20/32.png) [@jimmmy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimmmy)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2005, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/49 "2005-06-13T16:55:41Z")
I think the same stigma is attached to anyone you meet for romantic purposes on the Internet - I have met many, many people who are embarassed to say they are dating someone they met that way. I AM NOT SAYING THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT - just saying that there is a stigma in some people’s perceptions of romances born this way – that is lessening today. The point being maybe this is part of the instinctive fear some feel with the Mail Order Bride. John Carter that was really funny – thnx to Ms. Purl for pointing it out ---
**Author:** ![Balthisar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/balthisar/32/2825_2.png) [@Balthisar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balthisar)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2005, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/50 "2005-06-13T17:06:39Z")
> [@jimmmy](#): > > I think the same stigma is attached to anyone you meet for romantic purposes on the Internet - I have met many, many people who are embarassed to say they are dating someone they met that way. Five years ago I’d have agreed, too. Today – if I were in the market – I’d feel it not to be a stigma any longer. As it is, I met my foreign wife in the traditional way – at party. We hit it off the traditional way, too – over a good quantity of tequila. I know many, many, _many_ great, educated, excellent income, good, decent people that have met thier significant others in the same place. We used to joke that GM exported more Mexican women than trucks from Mexico. And in most of the cases, these were college educated, middle-class, well-living, Mexicans. Given that, I know two guys that _do_ have Colombian mail-order wives, and I suspect that the third guy’s is mail order, too. ---
**Author:** ![rfgdxm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c0e974/32.png) [@rfgdxm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rfgdxm)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2005, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/51 "2005-06-13T17:54:38Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > I, for one, don’t see it as any less disreputable than meeting one’s future spouse while getting hammered in a night club or spewing chunks on the beach during spring break. I for one don’t like bars and I view people who don’t hang out in bars looking for their future spouses as inherently better than those who do, for me anyway. Y.M.M.V. ROFL. 😉 And from looking at the statistics, it doesn’t look like however Americans are choosing other Americans as a spouse is ideal in terms of resulting in happy, stable relationships. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2005, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/52 "2005-06-13T20:27:58Z")
Judging on what I see on [match.com](http://match.com), there’s a lot of single (but divorced) Russian women living in my neighborhood. I can’t say that they’re mail-order brides; the local Jewish Federation helped resettle thousands of Russian Jews to the Cleveland area. I woudn’t doubt that some services are legitimate, but like selling a laptop computer on eBay to a businessman from Lagos, you’ve got to be extremely careful. If you’re looking for a “hot Russian bride”, in the end it might just be easier to skip the trip to Novosibirsk, and talk a walk through the leafy neighborhoods off Mayfield Road in Cleveland’s eastern suburbs. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2005, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/53 "2005-06-13T21:49:55Z")
> [@Balthisar](#): > > Given that, I know two guys that _do_ have Colombian mail-order wives, and I suspect that the third guy’s is mail order, too. How gauche of him to leave the price tag on! I somewhat agree w/ the poster who said there’s not necessarily a good reason to only look locally for a spouse; there’s no guarantee that you’l both have been brought up w/ the same culture, social mores, etc just due to proximity. Now that I’m learning more about Phillipine women, I may just tell my 36 year old verrrryyy Catholic friend to look there if his current relationship doesn’t work out; Mother Teresa was _almost_ Catholic enough for him. And most American Catholic women don’t put up w/ his Uber-Catholic, ‘the Second Vatican Council went too far’ views. (And when I say most, I mean that so far it’s none. And I counted twice.) ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2005, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/54 "2005-06-14T01:28:27Z")
> [@Balthisar](#): > > Given that, I know two guys that _do_ have Colombian mail-order wives, and I suspect that the third guy’s is mail order, too. When do their wives stop being “mail-order wives” and start being just “wives”? Do these guys say, “I’d like you to meet my mail-order wife”? If they stay happily married more than two years, it seems like the way they met becomes more and more irrelevant with time. I’m sure no one says: “I’d like you to meet my internet wife”; “I’d like you to meet my co-worker wife”; “I’d like you to meet my meter-maid wife.” For that matter, the “mail-order” thing might not be all that different from the internet “personals” thing, from what I can tell. It’s just that one involves people far away, and who might be just looking for a visa. Still, I don’t know why someone would want to marry a person with whom you don’t have a common language. If Bubba had married Honey, and taken her to his bee farm, she would have no one to talk to, and even if she did, her English, IIRC, was limited at best. Even Bubba would have trouble explaining to her how to pan for gold in the river and tend bees, let alone all that other stuff they talk about in Alabama that only they can understand. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2005, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/55 "2005-06-14T03:54:48Z")
> [@guizot](#): > > Is he really that hopeless? I know you’ve said that he doesn’t like to talk about these things too much, but maybe > a little friendly advice would help him to get to know a few local gals. The problem is that all the local gals know _him_. He’s opinionated, hard-headed and unpleasant in general. IMHO he’s gonna’ have to offer something special (like citizenship) that some woman wants real, real bad. > [@](#): > > If he tries the mail order bride thing again, I would hope that he could be a little more “worldly” about the whole thing–for his own sake. I don’t think he’s a particularly fast learner where women are concerned. His sister, on the other hand, graduated from a highly respected law school and has become quite wealthy by representing people in divorce cases, up in Tennessee. Sister can handle a high profile career, be a soccer mom to three kids and keep her hot-shot businessman hubby interested. Just goes to show ya’, but exactly what it shows ya’, I ain’t sure. ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2005, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/56 "2005-06-14T04:51:36Z")
> [@Miss Purl McKnittington](#): > > **IgnorantinWV** , you may be interested in this thread. [Mail-Order Bride and Sour Honey](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=212249). It’s very entertaining, but probably not very encouraging if you’re planning on ordering a bride. You might want to pay special attention to **Eva Luna** ’s comments in that thread on immigration. OMG. That thread is a Must Read. All 6 pages. Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Balthisar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/balthisar/32/2825_2.png) [@Balthisar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balthisar)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2005, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/57 "2005-06-14T14:43:00Z")
> [@guizot](#): > > When do their wives stop being “mail-order wives” and start being just “wives”? Do these guys say, “I’d like you to meet my mail-order wife”? If they stay happily married more than two years, it seems like the way they met becomes more and more irrelevant with time. I’m sure no one says: “I’d like you to meet my internet wife”; “I’d like you to meet my co-worker wife”; “I’d like you to meet my meter-maid wife.” A much needed laugh this early in the morning! Thanks. Oh, in case you were being _serious_, well, then no, they don’t go around introducing “this is my mail-order wife” to everyone. But when you listen to people _tell_ you, you know. Except for the third person I was talking about. He’s an old, retired guy that doesn’t speak Spanish; his wife doesn’t speak English. I can’t imagine him having ever been in Columbia to meet anyone “naturally” so as I said, it’s just a suspicion. And there’s no prejudice in my suspicion; as I said my own wife is Mexican (despite my current location per the SDMB, I’m not Mexican; I’m a caucasian-American). > [@](#): > > For that matter, the “mail-order” thing might not be all that different from the internet “personals” thing, from what I can tell. It’s just that one involves people far away, and who might be just looking for a visa. I think, though, that there’s a distinction between traditional and internet meeting vs. “mail-order” still. Obviously I’m being told that they’re mail order, so the guys either have some pride, or they’re just trying to make it known up front before anyone can be smart with them. In any case, it always makes for an interesting conversation starter. I used to think that mail order wives (and foreign wives) were primarily after that visa. But the visa is pretty much worthless by itself, unless they have family here already to help and support them. If it were just a visa, then after their two year conditional residency, then presumably they could just run off and be happy. But how will they support themselves without skills for a job and income to live in the manner to which they’ve been accustomed? Oh, maybe they have advanced training or a degree, so the job and income isn’t a problem. The thing is, these people don’t need to get a visa. They either stay home and live well, or they can get a visa to come to the United States by themselves (generally, etc., etc.) > [@](#): > > Still, I don’t know why someone would want to marry a person with whom you don’t have a common language. If Bubba had married Honey, and taken her to his bee farm, she would have no one to talk to, and even if she did, her English, IIRC, was limited at best. Even Bubba would have trouble explaining to her how to pan for gold in the river and tend bees, let alone all that other stuff they talk about in Alabama that only they can understand. We barely had a common language when we decided to get married. That was part of the fun, but then again, I’ve always been the weirdo of my family. ---
**Author:** ![NoCoolUserName](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5fc32e/32.png) [@NoCoolUserName](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NoCoolUserName)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2005, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/58 "2005-06-14T20:24:53Z")
> [@guizot](#): > > If they stay happily married more than two years, it seems like the way they met becomes more and more irrelevant with time. I’m sure no one says: “I’d like you to meet my internet wife”; “I’d like you to meet my co-worker wife”; “I’d like you to meet my meter-maid wife.” I’d like you to meet my “we-were-both-puking-outside-the-bar” wife? NoCoolSpouseName and I met when I ran a personal ad (in the days before internet dating). We’ve been married 12 years now. We tell the story at every opportunity because it shocks/amazes people. Well, the fact that we agreed to marry the day we met and actually married 6 weeks later amazes them too. ---
**Author:** ![pesch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pesch/32/4925_2.png) [@pesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pesch)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2005, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/59 "2005-06-14T20:40:10Z")
> [@NoCoolUserName](#): > > NoCoolSpouseName and I met when I ran a personal ad (in the days before internet dating). We’ve been married 12 years now. We tell the story at every opportunity because it shocks/amazes people. Well, the fact that we agreed to marry the day we met and actually married 6 weeks later amazes them too. My wife and I met in the same way. She placed the ad; I answered. We married about six months later, but by the third date, we were well on our way to getting hitched. We’ll celebrate 12 years next Labor Day, and they’ve been the best years of my life. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2015, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-truth-about-mail-order-brides/307937/61 "2015-05-21T02:04:35Z")
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