# The Twisty Springer Show **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 17, 2001, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495 "2001-01-17T11:25:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/1 "2001-01-17T11:25:43Z")
Hello folks, and welkome to the Twisty Springer show. On tonights show we are going to have people who have disturbing confessions to make to their friends Please meet our first guests, Screetch-owl and Coldfire… Screetch-owl, would you like to take up the story? ---
**Author:** ![blur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dbc845/32.png) [@blur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blur)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/2 "2001-01-17T11:30:36Z")
(blur stands up and shakes his fist and gets the crowd pumped} Twist-Y Twist-Y Twist-Y Twist-Y ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/3 "2001-01-17T11:38:25Z")
Y’all don’t know me! It ain’t like that! Shut up, you bitch! Come up here, I’m gonna whoop yo’ass! ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/4 "2001-01-17T11:48:33Z")
Ya know, I was told to be here for a \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*g ‘special surprise’, and boy did I get it. \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*g producer told me you had a secret crush on me and you bring that \*\*\*\*\*\*g pig! Call me a Bitch?! Whup MY ass, now are you?!?! C’mere and \*\*\*\*\*\*g try it. Then again, a pig could be interesting. [sub]ohmygoddidIjusttypethat!?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/5 "2001-01-17T11:50:00Z")
[sub]ohmygodIhitsubmitinsteadofpreview![/sub] [sub]thenagain,submitcouldbefun[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/6 "2001-01-17T12:07:22Z")
- Screech- owl attacks the pig Homer, could you please remove screech owl from the stage [crowd] Homer! Homer! Homer![/crowd] Coldfire, I believe you also have a secret confession, you want to make on the Twisty Springer show. who is it about? ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/7 "2001-01-17T12:28:15Z")
Twist-Y Twist-Y Twist-Y Twist-Y Twist-Y Twist-Y ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/8 "2001-01-17T12:29:46Z")
‘S like this, Twisty. I been messin’ round behin’ ol’ screech-owls back with anudda woman. An’ I wanna purpose to her today, on da show. Can we bring her on out? Her name’s **tatertot** , and she be real ghetto! ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/9 "2001-01-17T12:45:50Z")
Since **Coldfire** seems to have gotten coldfeet… I’ll step foreward! I’m not ashamed of it! It’s like this: I’m straight, dammit! But **Coldy’s** SO cute! And we were both drunk… And **Coldy** said “You know, Astroboy, I never knew anyone could be so random and annoyingly pedestrian.” My knees went weak, and I looked at him. He had this steely look in his eye, and a leash in his hand! The llama stepped over in response to **Coldy’s** tug, and **Coldy** looked at me with that _look_ he has… you know? And then the llama dropped to its knees, and suddenly **tatertot** appeared next to it (and I think you all know how I feel about **tater**! _ **YOW!!** _)! And **Coldy** said, “How would you like to ride the llama, **Astroboy**?” And **tatertot** said. “I bet he’d LOVE it!” and… well, all I can say is it was beautiful!! That was 3 weeks ago, and now **Coldy** and **tatertot** won’t return my calls!! _SOB!!!_ [sup]Astroboy runs for the wings in tears…[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/10 "2001-01-17T12:48:03Z")
> [@](#): > > ‘S like this, Twisty. I been messin’ round behin’ ol’ screech-owls back with anudda woman. An’ I wanna purpose to her today, on da show. > > Can we bring her on out? Her name’s tatertot, and she be real ghetto! Ooops! I thought we were talking about another secret… Nevermind! ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/11 "2001-01-17T13:02:42Z")
Astroboy, welcome to the show! Take a seat. Could you tell me how you feel about the LLama? Coldy, how many people have seen your Llama? ---
**Author:** ![tatertot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@tatertot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tatertot)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/12 "2001-01-17T13:22:21Z")
::tater enters, and for some reason starts clawing and kicking **screech owl** , even though technically tater is the one who done screech wrong. Security pulls tater off, sits her in a chair. tater indignantly skoooches her seat as far from everybody else possible and glares:: ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/13 "2001-01-17T13:34:19Z")
C’mere baby, you my woman. ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/14 "2001-01-17T13:37:37Z")
> [@](#): > > Could you tell me how you feel about the LLama? > > Coldy, how many people have seen your Llama? **Coldy** and **tater** swore to me that no one else knew about the llama! And I believed them! _SOB!!!_ I feel so USED! The llama won’t return my calls, either, and it had such wonderfully knobbly knees! Our last moment together was when the llama and I looked deeply into each other’s eyes, and it hawked and spit a huge loogie on me. God! It was _wonderful!_ I get shivers thinking about it… This morning, a different llama showed up at my door… when I answered, it said, “Sssnnnnooorrbbwaaaaa.” Which, I think (I’ve been studying llama since **Coldy** and **tater** first introduced me to the wonderful world of ungulates) means: “I hear that you’re easy!” What could I do? It had its way with me, and then left without even a thank you! I feel SO dirty!! What’s next?? _SOB!!_ ---
**Author:** ![tatertot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@tatertot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tatertot)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/15 "2001-01-17T13:44:36Z")
Okay, the reason we don’t be returning your phone calls and shit is that we ain’t got no phone since somebody ::glares at Coldy:: spent all the money to pay for Bitch here to get a weave. Who you think you’re fooling Bitch? We all know that ain’t yo’ real hair. Yeah, and that’s why I came here today, Jerry, to tell that Pig Lover that he’s got to go. Oh yeah, and I also want to tell him that he not my baby’s real daddy. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/16 "2001-01-17T13:52:22Z")
Bitch, you jus’ jealous cus’ you fat. And I slept with yo sister, too. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/17 "2001-01-17T13:56:16Z")
so Tater (If you don’t mind me calling you that) did you have any idea that Coldy was carrying on with Screech, Astroboy, a pig and a Llama behind your back? Would you not notice something like that? and we’ll be taking questions from the audience soon. ---
**Author:** ![tatertot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@tatertot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tatertot)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/18 "2001-01-17T14:02:45Z")
I was too busy to notice, because I was off having me some hot fun with a **real** man, not some Dike plugging, cheese eating, tulip plantin’ l’il Mama’s boy like him ::points accusingly at Coldy:: ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/19 "2001-01-17T14:11:07Z")
Ok, so lets recap the story. Screech owl brought Coldy onto the show to tell him that she didn’t want anything to do with his pig lovin’ ways, and that she ahd found someone new. Coldy, in return, said that he had been foolin’ around himself with Tater. Astroboy informed us that Coldy and Tater got him involved with a Llama, and that ever since then his life has been on a downward spiral. Now tater says that she has something to reveal herself. Tater, would you like to tell us whats on your mind? [croud] you go Girl!! Kick him to the Curb!![croud] [redneck croud] Homer! Homer! Homer![/redneck crowd] ---
**Author:** ![tatertot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@tatertot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tatertot)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495/20 "2001-01-17T14:16:34Z")
How you gonna ask me what’s on my mind? I think you **know** what bes on my mind. :::lot’s of indignant arm & neck motions::::: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-twisty-springer-show/50495.md?page=2)