# The Ultimate Badass of All Media -- ROUND TWO **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [October 17, 2009, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122 "2009-10-17T04:14:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2009, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/21 "2009-10-18T23:06:27Z")
**Batman** vs. Count Dracula Motoko Kusanagi (Ghost in the Shell) vs. The Alien (Alien) Pass **Sephiroth (Final Fantasy)** vs. Kratos (God of War) **The Terminator** vs. The Bride (Kill Bill) Gandalf the White vs. **Harry Callahan (Dirty Harry)** **James Bond** vs. Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid) \*\* Brock Samson (Venture Brothers)\*\* vs. Conan the Barbarian \*\* Jason Bourne (The Bourne Identity)\*\* vs. Chuck Norris ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2009, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/22 "2009-10-19T00:32:56Z")
I missed the thread for round one. But I’ll join in now. Batman beats Count Dracula Dracula? He’s overrated. Van Helsing was able to beat Dracula. The Alien beats Motoko Kusanagi Because I don’t watch anime and don’t know who Motoko Kusanagi is. Sephiroth vs. Kratos (pass) I also don’t play video games. The Terminator beats the Bride She’s tough but she’s only human. Gandalf the White beats Harry Callahan A surprisingly close fight. Gandalf has magic but Dirty Harry has bullets. Ultimately, Gandalf’s ability to come back from the dead will give him the win. James Bond beats Solid Snake Another victory for pop cultural ignorance. Plus Bond has been around forever and hasn’t died yet. Brock Samson beats Conan the Barbarian Another close one. But Brock has the advantage of being a cartoon. Chuck Norris beats Jason Bourne In the battle of beard vs brain, beard always wins. ---
**Author:** ![Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d9b06d/32.png) [@Boozahol\_Squid\_P.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boozahol_Squid_P.I)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2009, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/23 "2009-10-19T01:58:49Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > (And I still don’t get how people could think that a pampered international playboy who lives a life of luxury, stays at the best hotels, eats the best food, and is led around by his cock, could be more of a badass than a field soldier who does nothing but go on one-man suicide missions in hostile territory.) Because Bond does the one-man suicide missions, too. He just also gets the girl while he’s at it. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2009, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/24 "2009-10-19T02:02:07Z")
Bond’s success is pre-determined by the creators of the movie. Snake’s success depends on the skills of the player. Free will beats predestination. Snake is more badass. ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2009, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/25 "2009-10-19T02:08:36Z")
Batman Alien * * * The Terminator Gandalf Bond Conan Bourne ---
**Author:** ![Parthol](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dec6dc/32.png) [@Parthol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Parthol)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2009, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/26 "2009-10-19T04:51:44Z")
Winners in **BOLD** **Batman** vs. Count Dracula Motoko Kusanagi (Ghost in the Shell) vs. **The Alien (Alien)** **Sephiroth (Final Fantasy)** vs. Kratos (God of War) **The Terminator** vs. The Bride (Kill Bill) **Gandalf the White** vs. Harry Callahan (Dirty Harry) **James Bond** vs. Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid) **Brock Samson (Venture Brothers)** vs. Conan the Barbarian **Jason Bourne (The Bourne Identity)** vs. Chuck Norris ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2009, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/27 "2009-10-19T16:16:52Z")
**Batman** vs. Count Dracula Count Dracula isn’t that tough if you’re prepared. **Motoko Kusanagi (Ghost in the Shell)** vs. The Alien (Alien) Kusanagi went toe-to-toe with a tank and won. I think she can handle an alien. **Sephiroth (Final Fantasy)** vs. Kratos (God of War) **The Terminator** vs. The Bride (Kill Bill) The sword’s barely gonna leave a scratch. \*\* Gandalf the White\*\* vs. Harry Callahan (Dirty Harry) I agree that Dirty Harry is a massive badass. But he’s going up against an angel who’s pulling his punches. If Gandalf gets in trouble, he’ll just hold back a little less. **James Bond** vs. Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid) If Bond wanted to, he could live off raw snakes. But he doesn’t want to. **Brock Samson (Venture Brothers)** vs. Conan the Barbarian Oh this is a tough one for me. I love both these characters and I wish both of them could advance to the next round. Such is the luck of the draw. They both are smart, ruthless, muscle-bound killing machines. Conan has survived being crucified – that’s some major badassness right there. But Brock survived being hurled into the vacuum of space. Ultimately, I have to give it to Brock because he’s got modern military training on top of his innate toughness. And he knows guys in the Mossad. Jason Bourne (The Bourne Identity) vs. **Chuck Norris** Not even close. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2009, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/28 "2009-10-19T16:23:49Z")
> [@Tom\_Scud](#): > > Bourne by default. Norris is a punch-line. You mean a roundhouse kick-line. One of which would instantly restore Jason Bourne’s memory (for a split second before his head exploded). ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2009, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/29 "2009-10-19T16:38:25Z")
I guess people voting for the Alien haven’t seen _Ghost in the Shell_. Major Motoko Kusanagi fights tanks and survives being ripped in half. In the sequel she’s a disembodied spirit that can manipulate computer networks. In the second alien movie, space marines dispatched the monsters by the dozen. The major would have all their firepower and more, and would be immune to the Aliens attacks. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2009, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/30 "2009-10-19T16:40:33Z")
_ **Batman** vs. Count Dracula_ Is Batman prepared with a Bat Holy Water Spray, Bat-crosses and Bat Steaks? Also vampires are gay as hell. \*\*\*Motoko Kusanagi (Ghost in the Shell)\*_vs. The Alien (Alien)_ As wiley and badass as Alien xenomorphs are, they are still just big dumb animals. No match for a cybernetic Special Forces soldier. _Sephiroth (Final Fantasy) vs. **Kratos (God of War)**_ Never played either game. But I have to go with some jacked motherfucker named Kratos, God of War over some emo anime archtype. _ **The Terminator** vs. The Bride (Kill Bill)_ Bitch please. _Gandalf the White vs. **Harry Callahan (Dirty Harry**)_ In all the confusion, I can’t remember if I destroyed six rings or seven. Feel lucky punk? _ **James Bond** _ vs. Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid) \* ! Solid Snake is pretty badass, but he is limited to mostly sneaking around, running offscreen to escape his enemies and hiding in boxes. - Only Connery, Dalton, Brosnan or Craig bonds. Solid Snake would tear the shit out of Lazenby or Moore. _Brock Samson (Venture Brothers) vs. **Conan the Barbarian** _ Pretty sure Brock would be crushed, driven before Conan and hear the lamentations of the women. _Jason Bourne (The Bourne Identity) vs. **Chuck Norris** _ See my previous post ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Scud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Tom\_Scud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Scud)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2009, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/31 "2009-10-19T16:46:58Z")
> [@The\_Hamster\_King](#): > > Ultimately, I have to give it to Brock because he’s got modern military training on top of his innate toughness. And he knows guys in the Mossad. He’s the effete product of thousands of years of civilization. No match for the brutal Cimmerian’s wilderness-forged thews and ruthless cunning. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2009, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/32 "2009-10-19T17:10:39Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > As wiley and badass as Alien xenomorphs are, they are still just big dumb animals. No match for a cybernetic Special Forces soldier. Ripley: They cut the power. Hudson: What do you mean, “_They_ cut the power”? How could they cut the power, man? They’re animals! ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2009, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/33 "2009-10-19T17:10:59Z")
> [@](#): > > Batman > vs. > Count Dracula Interesting match. Both characters \*are \*the night. Only one says so in a gruff voice, and the other in a suave one with a touch of Balkanic accent. That being said, for all his powers, Dracula also has a ton of really debilitating weaknesses, whereas \*\*Batman \*\*is twinked to the gills. He’s probably got batblood laced with garlic just in case. And the kicker : not only would he win a fight, but he’d know what to do with the remains for ol’ Vlad not to popup in a few decades. > [@](#): > > Motoko Kusanagi (Ghost in the Shell) > vs. > The Alien (Alien) \*\*Motoko \*\*looks \*way \*better naked. > [@](#): > > Sephiroth (Final Fantasy) > vs. > Kratos (God of War) Sephiroth. Always. Loses. No matter how bad his legion of fangirls wet their pants, he will always come second. Whereras in the event \*\*Kratos \*\*comes third, he will kill the second and use his skull to bludgeon the first. > [@](#): > > The Terminator > vs. > The Bride (Kill Bill) When the Terminator’s batteries die down, so does he. When the **Bride** ’s body dies down, she wills herself to move her toes. Now, that’s badass. > [@](#): > > Gandalf the White > vs. > Harry Callahan (Dirty Harry) That’s one hilarious matchup. “In the heat of battle, I lost count of my…” “Heat, you say ? What a coincidence.” _FWOOM_. Come on. \*\*Gandalf \*\*is a sort of god. Callahan is an asshole with penis envy. > [@](#): > > James Bond > vs. > Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid) I’d watch this movie. If only to watch **Solid Snake** disassemble Bond’s PPK after elbowing him in the stomach so hard he pukes on his pristine tux. > [@](#): > > Brock Samson (Venture Brothers) > vs. > Conan the Barbarian Still don’t know who Brock Samson is, so I’m gonna pass. > [@](#): > > Jason Bourne (The Bourne Identity) > vs. > Chuck Norris \*\*Bourne \*\*has a brain. He wins by default. [QUOTE=Boozahol Squid, P.I.] Because Bond does the one-man suicide missions, too. He just also gets the girl while he’s at it. [/QUOTE] Snake waits till the mission’s done to get the girl. Or get pwnd by the girl. Either way : more pro 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2009, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/34 "2009-10-20T00:26:18Z")
\*\*Batman vs. Count Dracula \*\* [They’ve fought before.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Batman_vs._Dracula) Batman won. **Motoko Kusanagi (Ghost in the Shell) vs. The Alien (Alien)** A lone Xenomorph is really only a threat to civilians. Against an armed and trained opponent, they need a swarm to take them out. Plus, she’s a cyborg. This one goes to the Major. **Sephiroth (Final Fantasy) vs. Kratos (God of War)** Kratos, via quick-time event. **The Terminator vs. The Bride (Kill Bill)** Hatori Hanzo steel is no match for a phased plasma rifle in the 40-volt range. Terminator in a walk. **Gandalf the White vs. Harry Callahan (Dirty Harry)** Doesn’t matter how many rounds Harry still has in his hand gun. Every time he shoots Gandalf, he just comes back as a different color. **James Bond vs. Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid)** Bond wins by default, after Snake is disqualified for delaying the fight with three back-to-back, twenty minute long, nonsensical, non-interactive cutscenes. **Brock Samson (Venture Brothers) vs. Conan the Barbarian** Ooh, that’s a tough one. I think I have to go with the Cimmerian. **Jason Bourne (The Bourne Identity) vs. Chuck Norris** Bourne, with his eyes closed, and one hand tied behind his back. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2009, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/35 "2009-10-20T00:32:07Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > Bond’s success is pre-determined by the creators of the movie. > > Snake’s success depends on the skills of the player. > > Free will beats predestination. Snake is more badass. Pfeh. Bond doesn’t have saved games. Also, he’s way less emo. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2009, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/36 "2009-10-20T00:35:22Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > **James Bond > vs. > Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid)** > > Bond wins by default, after Snake is disqualified for delaying the fight with three back-to-back, twenty minute long, nonsensical, non-interactive cutscenes. No, Bond is disqualified for delaying the fight with a two-hour-long, boring, nonsensical, non-interactive cutscene called _A Quantum of Solace._ ---
**Author:** ![Tarwater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de0a6/32.png) [@Tarwater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarwater)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2009, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/37 "2009-10-20T00:46:50Z")
**Batman** vs. Count Dracula **Motoko Kusanagi** (Ghost in the Shell) vs. The Alien (Alien) Sephiroth (Final Fantasy) vs. **Kratos** (God of War) **The Terminator** vs. The Bride (Kill Bill) Gandalf the White vs. \*\*Harry Callahan \*\*(Dirty Harry) James Bond vs. **Solid Snake** (Metal Gear Solid) \*\*Brock Samson \*\*(Venture Brothers) vs. Conan the Barbarian **Jason Bourne** (The Bourne Identity) vs. Chuck Norris ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2009, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/38 "2009-10-20T01:18:34Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > No, Bond is disqualified for delaying the fight with a two-hour-long, boring, nonsensical, non-interactive cutscene called _A Quantum of Solace._ But at least movies are _supposed_ to be two hours long and non-interactive. _Metal Gear_’s interminable cutscenes are a failure of media. And since this is supposed to be for the Ultimate Badass of All Media, that’s a fatal flaw for the non-gaseous ophidian. Plus, dude’s got a mullet. I mean, c’mon. Who does he think he is? Brock Samson? ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2009, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/39 "2009-10-20T01:25:48Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > Bond’s success is pre-determined by the creators of the movie. > > Snake’s success depends on the skills of the player. > > Free will beats predestination. Snake is more badass. In that case Snake gets killed in really stupid ways all the time. Not badass. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2009, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122/40 "2009-10-20T01:29:21Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > But at least movies are _supposed_ to be two hours long and non-interactive. _Metal Gear_’s interminable cutscenes are a failure of media. A failure of media? Tell that to the thousands of Metal Gear fans all over the world. The Metal Gear games are a new kind of media, a combination of cinematic and interactive elements; a fourth-wall breaking experience which gives them a depth which (in my opinion) is unparalleled in any other games, console or PC. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-badass-of-all-media-round-two/514122.md?page=3)