# The ultimate drummer joke. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 11, 2008, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113 "2008-01-11T12:15:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/1 "2008-01-11T12:15:08Z")
My nephew is a drummer and I thought I had heard **all** the drummer jokes but [this](http://www.snotr.com/video/810) is absolutely priceless. ---
**Author:** ![LightWithoutHeattttttttttttttt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc8723/32.png) [@LightWithoutHeattttttttttttttt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LightWithoutHeattttttttttttttt)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/2 "2008-01-11T12:27:57Z")
[QUOTE=don’t ask] My nephew is a drummer and I thought I had heard **all** the drummer jokes but [this](http://www.snotr.com/video/810) is absolutely priceless. [/QUOTE] Funny video. I’m a musician too and my favorite drummer jokes are: What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Saliva. What do you call a guy who hangs around with musicians? Drummer. ---
**Author:** ![scareyfaerie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scareyfaerie/32/3135_2.png) [@scareyfaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scareyfaerie)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/3 "2008-01-11T12:43:55Z")
How can you tell when the drum riser’s level? The drummer drools evenly from both sides of his mouth. ---
**Author:** ![Oregon\_sunshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/50afbb/32.png) [@Oregon\_sunshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oregon_sunshine)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/4 "2008-01-11T13:01:36Z")
Those jokes are even funnier 'cause my husband’s a drummer, and he’s _always_ the smartest guy in the room! ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/5 "2008-01-11T14:40:12Z")
What do you get if you cross a drummer with a gorilla? A really dumb gorilla!!! ---
**Author:** ![GorillaMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/50afbb/32.png) [@GorillaMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GorillaMan)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/6 "2008-01-11T14:51:35Z")
Hey, I play the violin. Anyway, [this version](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1HXnvyWg4U) was broadcast during the rugby world cup. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/7 "2008-01-11T14:57:32Z")
I can’t view the video at work, but my favorite drummer joke is What do you call a drummer who’s just broken up with his girlfriend? Homeless. ---
**Author:** ![Solfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Solfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Solfy)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/8 "2008-01-11T15:20:30Z")
If a student wants to learn music, give him an instrument. If he fails at that, take away the instrument and give him two sticks making him a drummer. If he fails at that, take away one of the sticks and make him a conductor. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/9 "2008-01-11T15:24:13Z")
[QUOTE=Solfy] If he fails at that, take away one of the sticks and make him a conductor. [/QUOTE] What’s the difference between a bull and an orchestra? ---
**Author:** ![fachverwirrt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/94ad74/32.png) [@fachverwirrt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fachverwirrt)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/10 "2008-01-11T15:27:49Z")
[QUOTE=GorillaMan] Hey, I play the violin. [/QUOTE] How can you tell if a violin is out of tune? The bow is moving. ---
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/11 "2008-01-11T15:28:50Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] What’s the difference between a bull and an orchestra? [/QUOTE] The bull has its horns at the front, and its arsehole at the back. ---
**Author:** ![Solfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Solfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Solfy)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/12 "2008-01-11T15:32:37Z")
[QUOTE=fachverwirrt] How can you tell if a violin is out of tune? The bow is moving. [/QUOTE] How do you get three piccolo players in tune? Shoot two of them. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/13 "2008-01-11T15:35:32Z")
Keeping in mind that “ultimate” also means “final”, we can only hope that was the ultimate drummer joke. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/14 "2008-01-11T15:37:06Z")
[QUOTE=AskNott] Keeping in mind that “ultimate” also means “final”, we can only hope that was the ultimate drummer joke. :rolleyes: [/QUOTE] So, you and the OP are two sides of the same coin, eh? ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/15 "2008-01-11T16:52:09Z")
Hey, did you hear about the time the drummer locked his keys in his car?Yeah, it took him two hours to get the bassist out. How do you know a drummer is at your door?The knocking speeds up. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/16 "2008-01-11T17:00:13Z")
Why are violins smaller than violas? They’re not, it’s just that violinists’ heads are so much bigger. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/17 "2008-01-11T17:01:14Z")
[QUOTE=LightWithoutHeattttttttttttttt] … What do you call a guy who hangs around with musicians? Drummer. [/QUOTE] I always heard it as “drug addict” who hangs around musicians. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/18 "2008-01-11T17:08:14Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] How do you know a drummer is at your door? [/quote] I was going to post the same joke, but with an expanded punchline: His knock speeds up and he doesn’t know when to come in. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/19 "2008-01-11T17:10:18Z")
What’s the difference between a drummer and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2008, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113/20 "2008-01-11T17:15:26Z")
How do you get a guitarist to play quieter? Put sheet music in front of him. How many sopranos does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one. She holds up the bulb and the world revolves around her. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-drummer-joke/433113.md?page=2)