# The ultimate geek artifact **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 17, 2006, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085 "2006-04-17T23:38:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![scotandrsn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@scotandrsn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scotandrsn)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/1 "2006-04-17T23:38:18Z")
The FAQ on [The Official Tolkien Website](http://www.tolkien.co.uk/frame.asp) includes "How many languages has LOTR been translated into. After scanning the list to see if Elvish were included, it suddenly hit me: What if Klingon were listed? (it wasn’t) But, it occured to me, had it been listed, it would have to qualify as one of the singlemost pure expressions of geekdom ever created. Imagine it: A hard- (or soft-) bound tome, the Klingon translation of the Lord of the Rings. The only thing that could surpass that would be if the audio version had all the songs in the text set to music by Tom Lehrer. But perhaps I’m wrong. Can you think of one object that, were it to exist, would be the ultimate physical representation of the world of nerditude? ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/2 "2006-04-17T23:47:45Z")
Maybe Stroustrup’s “The C++ Programming Language” in Klingon? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/3 "2006-04-18T00:06:59Z")
I’ll see your Stroustrup, and raise you Knuth’s _The Art of Computer Programming_ in Klingon, with a check from Knuth for finding a bug in it. ---
**Author:** ![scotandrsn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@scotandrsn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scotandrsn)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/4 "2006-04-18T06:51:01Z")
Hmm, so Klingon is a firly pure expression of geekdom. I recall working in a bookstore when the Klingon Dictionary was first published, and I haved to admit, few geekier things had crossed my path (barring of course, my copy of “Mr. Spock’s Music from Outer Space”). But I’d hate to see the thread get stuck in a rut so soon. How about a car dashboard featuring a full set of six Monty Python bobbleheads? ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/5 "2006-04-18T07:17:18Z")
What, a straight on Quenya—thlhIngan Hol Dictionary, containing not a single Roman letter, wouldn’t be geeky enough? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/6 "2006-04-18T10:49:34Z")
I’ve never understood the assumption that all geeks like Star Trek. Then again, I’ve never actually seen an episode of Star Trek. Surely you don’t have to know Klingon to have geek cred? ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/7 "2006-04-18T12:02:53Z")
Nothing qualifies as the ultimate geek anything unless it has a blue LED. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/8 "2006-04-18T12:27:55Z")
I think a light sabre version of one of those Klingon Bat-la (whatever) weapons just might be the ultimate geek item. Other than Star Wars expanded universe fanfic written in Quenya. Or Vogon poetry in Vulcan. ---
**Author:** ![cactus\_waltz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@cactus\_waltz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cactus_waltz)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/9 "2006-04-18T13:39:24Z")
It would seem by the relpies that geekdom is inherently connected to american sciece fiction mainstream. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/10 "2006-04-18T15:22:54Z")
> [@cactus waltz](#): > > It would seem by the relpies that geekdom is inherently connected to american sciece fiction mainstream. Mostly, but not entirely. ---
**Author:** ![scotandrsn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@scotandrsn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scotandrsn)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/11 "2006-04-18T15:45:21Z")
Ooh! I got another one! A William Shatner tribute album (file under “Various Artists”), featuring a recreation of his “Mr. Tambourine Man” with lead vocals by Peter “Voice of the Guide” Jones, backed up by Rush. ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/12 "2006-04-18T16:10:32Z")
> [@scotandrsn](#): > > Ooh! I got another one! > > A William Shatner tribute album (file under “Various Artists”), featuring a recreation of his “Mr. Tambourine Man” with lead vocals by Peter “Voice of the Guide” Jones, backed up by Rush. Make it DeVo or Oingo Boingo, and you’re on to something. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/13 "2006-04-18T16:17:46Z")
Plush Cthulhus are very geeky, as are calculator digital watches. ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/14 "2006-04-18T23:48:45Z")
My personal favorite is “The Art of Gay Sex” in Klingon. It is all contained on a posty-note in 18-point type. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2006, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/15 "2006-04-19T00:22:46Z")
Hmmm. For me, the ultimate in geek artifacts would be a Vulcan IDIC bearing an Elvish inscription that magically appears when you plunge it into a flame, and disappears in the presence of a lightsabre. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2006, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/16 "2006-04-19T01:33:59Z")
How about a Real-Life _Hitch-Hiker’s Guide To The Galaxy_, which includes Elven and Klingon as languages, as well as complete guides to Middle Earth, the Star Trek and Star Wars Universes, as well as an “Elven & Hungarian Phrasebook”: _I will not buy this Holodisc, it is scratched_ _My K’t’inga is full of Tribbles_ _If I said you had a beautiful Bat’leth, would you hold it against me?_ _He’s not dead, he’s pining for the Canal Systems of Ennor_ _Nobody expects the Elven Council! Our chief weapons are surprise, trees, and ruthless efficiency…_ As an alternative… _THE CREST ON BIRDMAN’S HELMET!_ You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to use that in a thread here… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![dbuzman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9de0a6/32.png) [@dbuzman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dbuzman)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2006, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/17 "2006-04-19T04:31:12Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#): > > Plush Cthulhus are very geeky, as are calculator digital watches. I dont know, calculator watches don’t do it for me. Mine is a universal tv/vcr remote by Casio. ---
**Author:** ![sleeepy2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@sleeepy2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleeepy2)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2006, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/18 "2006-04-19T09:45:28Z")
A catalog back in th eighties was selling repilicas of the little black obelisk from Led Zeppelin’s _Presence_ album cover. That would be pretty damned geeky to own. I still regret not getting one. ---
**Author:** ![FisherQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/58f4c7/32.png) [@FisherQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FisherQueen)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2006, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/19 "2006-04-19T11:29:11Z")
You know, my Esperanto Bible usually makes me the winner in these contests, but in this crowd, I just can’t compete. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2006, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085/20 "2006-04-19T12:47:41Z")
> [@Martini Enfield](#): > > How about a Real-Life _Hitch-Hiker’s Guide To The Galaxy_, which includes Elven and Klingon as languages, as well as complete guides to Middle Earth, the Star Trek and Star Wars Universes, as well as an “Elven & Hungarian Phrasebook”: > > _I will not buy this Holodisc, it is scratched_ > _My K’t’inga is full of Tribbles_ > _If I said you had a beautiful Bat’leth, would you hold it against me?_ > _He’s not dead, he’s pining for the Canal Systems of Ennor_ > _Nobody expects the Elven Council! Our chief weapons are surprise, trees, and ruthless efficiency…_ > > As an alternative… > > _THE CREST ON BIRDMAN’S HELMET!_ > > You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to use that in a thread here… 😃 I bow to your superior geekiness. And here I thought that having every item that Monty Python Ever produced (All the TV shows, Albums, and Books) would put me in the running for supreme geekitude. I was obviously mistaken. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-geek-artifact/353085.md?page=2)