Don’t feel too bad… if it makes you feel any better, I had to look up all the Klingon words and LOTR related stuff on Wikipedia. 
I can’t stand LOTR and I don’t watch Star Trek, but of course, the Monty Python/Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy stuff is never far from my mind… I will not buy this Vogon Constructor Fleet, it is scratched! 
My life.
An anime version of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, with voiceover in Klingon by the former cast of Babylon 5, and a soundtrack by Rush and Rick Wakeman.
How about a Firefly v. Babylon 5 chess set?
Only if it’s Spock-style three-dimensional chess.
The Principia Discordia translated into Babel-17 and used as the ultimate weapon.
Naaarrrhhhh, having a life means you’re disqualified 
A copy of *How To Meet Women *written in Klingon seems pretty pointless.
I don’t care what the item is, but it must be purchased at a Renaissance Fair…
How about a Bible in Klingon:
Kahless is my Shepard, I shall not want
He make me to lie down in conquered fields
He leadeth me by the River of Blood
He restorest my soul
He leadest me on the path of victory for honor’s sake
Yea though I walk through the valley of death
I fear no evil(for I have slain them all)
thy Bat’leth and thy disruptor they comfort me
thou preparest Gagh in the presence of mine enemies
thou anointest my head with bloodwine
my cup runneth over
Surely honor and glory shall follow me all the days of my life
I shall dwell in Sto-Vo-Kor forever
Firefly in Klingon.
Not geeky enough, you say? How about performed by furries?
I have in my bookcase “The Nitpicker’s Guide for Next Generation Trekkers” Vol’s l &ll. Also “The Languages of Tolkien’s Middle-Earth”(there are 23). No Klingon dictionary 
But I do have a red stapler.
You do realize Phil Farrand has also put out the “Nitpicker’s Guide For Classic Trekkers”, now too, right?
Plus the audiobook version of NextGen nitpicking volume 1.
Both of which I own. Along with three books in UNIX and AIX programming, one on awk/sed, and the Klingon Dictionary.
But, alas, nothing on UNIX programming for Klingons. I’ll have to look into that.
IOW, DogMom’s bookshelf is the geekiest thing on earth.
I was JUST gonna post an addendum…
Oh yeah? I’ve got the Encyclopedia of Monsters, two signed hardback collections of “Omaha the Cat Dancer,” an original printing of The Effects of Nuclear Weapons, all the nitpickers guides, and technical manuals for TNG, DS9, “Aliens,” Star Wars, and “Babylon 5” all within two shelves of each other. And I keep a piece of Deep 13 in my safe.
Yer move, compadre.
Compiling these all together:
[spoiler]Ancient Geek Artifact
Binds when picked up
eBook Reader
Use: Right-click to read
"It glows light blue from a series of LEDs around the binding, playing the soundtrack of Real Genius in loop. Inside can be read the entirety of the Lord of the Rings, Douglas Adams collected works, and via YUM packages can further download thousands more works including Battlestar Galactica, Red Dwarf as podcasts, and the Klingon translator which uses Open Source babel fish technology for translation.
“Currently running Linux v. 2.7.3. Please don’t feed the trolls.”
Source: Apple store
[/spoiler]
Order now to receive an invitation to the Autumn, Toronto GalactaCon where you can get it signed by William Shatner and receive your own mini-light saber as a door prize!
I will say, however, that not long ago I was sitting on my free sofa, eating ramen noodles straight out of the pan, reading a “Preacher” comic, and watching “Ghostbusters” on DVD while my computer loaded They Might Be Giants music onto my iPod, when I suddenly realized that I had achieved Nerdvana.