# The Ultimate MST3K Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 2, 2005, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555 "2005-06-02T15:40:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 32
**Author:** ![Zjestika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/8edcca/32.png) [@Zjestika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zjestika)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/621 "2006-04-17T17:30:23Z")
Yeah, he’s in a poolhall and practically shouts “Do you have change for a fifty?” ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/622 "2006-04-17T19:15:56Z")
Bingo. $50. There’s a rumble in the alley that follows. ---
**Author:** ![Wolfian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7ea924/32.png) [@Wolfian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolfian)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2006, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/623 "2006-04-17T23:37:36Z")
In Operation Double 007 there are two great musical call-backs. First, during the upbeat theme song they work in a “Hooray for Santy Claus! \” During the music for a goofy fight scene there’s a “Gamera! Gamera!” thrown in. In the aftermath of it a song plays which sounds like a drunken version of “My Jesus Loves Me,” which Servo sings quietly even after Joel tells him to stop. Not a call-back, but hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![thirdname](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@thirdname](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdname)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/624 "2006-04-18T00:22:27Z")
Good Lord, this thread is still going? Haven’t you covered every episode by now? ---
**Author:** ![cbawlmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cbawlmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cbawlmer)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/625 "2006-04-18T00:32:05Z")
Ha! We’re still in the Joel era. Which is fine by me; I’m enjoying this thread immensely. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/626 "2006-04-18T04:20:47Z")
> [@riker1384](#): > > Good Lord, this thread is still going? Haven’t you covered every episode by now? Pfft. Barely halfway. (For my weekend’s entertainment, I just watched 903: The Pumaman. So good…) ---
**Author:** ![thirdname](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@thirdname](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdname)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/627 "2006-04-18T06:13:48Z")
Hey I’m a fan too, I’m just suprised to see this here again. Maybe we could start a thread to see who has the lowest fan-club member number and is thus the biggest fan. I think mine was in the low to mid four digits. It must be here somewhere. Does anybody still play with their Wacky Rolling Action Figure? ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/628 "2006-04-18T13:44:51Z")
When I do 5.15 - Wild World of Batwoman - I will officially cross into the second half of the series. There are 176 Nationally Broadcast episodes - 86 Joel, 90 Mike. So, technically, 5.14 is the last episode of the first “half” since 5.12 is the last Joel. I’m also planning to throw in the Movie inbetween Season 6 and Season 7. ---
**Author:** ![Nonsuch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nonsuch/32/2922_2.png) [@Nonsuch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nonsuch)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2006, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/629 "2006-04-18T14:41:59Z")
Keep it up, **CandidGamera**. You are friend to children (and MSTies). ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2006, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/630 "2006-04-24T00:07:44Z")
\*\*MST3K 5.10 - [The Painted Hills](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0043895/) \*\* Shown with Short, [Body Care and Grooming](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0308056/). Classic educational 40’s drek. Hey, it’s Lassie! Treasure of the Sierra Madre gets the Lassie treatment in this outing. Greed gets the better of one of a pair of prospecting partners and he eliminates the other - bad move, as the other was the owner of Shep, AKA Lassie. Teamed with young Tommy, Lassie tries to unveil the murderer, but ultimately has to take justice into her own paws. Riffs about Snausages abound, and we get some lovely riffs when Lassie attacks. (“Arf-keeba! Gym-collie!”) Opening : Crow as Jay Leno, hosting Tonight Show; Inventions : Frank’s heart as a generator, Sbuliminal Memo machine. Host segments : Debate on the girl from the short - prettier before, or after?; Term papers on historical figures resembling the film’s leads - Crow’s take on Rutherford B. Hayes goes far astray; Tom gets gold fever and melts Crow into an ingot. Finale : The Bots call for Lassie’s arrest for vigilantism. Signature Riffs : (montage ends, prospector peers out the window into a storm) \ : “Well, it looks like that montage finally blew over…” (as Lassie hams up a scene where she’s dying from poison) \ “Oh, don’t you chew that scenery, drop it, drop it!” Next Up : Gunslinger. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2006, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/631 "2006-04-28T12:46:42Z")
I’m with Crow about the girl in the grooming flick: she was better looking before she was forced to conform. That’s one of my favorite shorts. “I couldn’t help noticing how much you look like everyone else.” ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2006, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/632 "2006-04-29T01:50:40Z")
**MST3K 5.11 - [Gunslinger](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0049287/)** Included on the Volume 6 collection. Corman directs this timeless tale - a lawman gunned down, his wife (Beverly Garland) taking his place. She guns down one of his killers at his funeral, quite unexpectedly, and gets tangled in a web of intrigue as a local business-lady wheels, deals, and keels… er, kills… to try and make her fortune on a speculative land deal. Bev also manages to fall in love with the hired gun that the business-lady brings in to kill her! Oh, the irony. Many riffs concern the gunman’s hotel room door, which opens the wrong way, leading Joel and the Bots to beleive he’s staying in the hallway. Oh, and the little wormy bartender. Intro : Game day on the SOL, converted Tom Servo into Kaboom!; Inventions : The Scanner Planner\*, Wiffle Objects. Host Segments : The crew in caskets, talking about funerals; Crow is a rider of the Gypsy Express, delivering mail… slowly; the crew analyzes some odd continuity in the film, Tom demonstrates his mastery of time and space. Finale : 1870’s vs. 1970’s. - For Scanner Planner, as Dr. F tries to exert mind power, they use the Brain-Guy sound effect! Signature Riffs: \ : “So, Corman did Swamp Diamonds on Monday, and this on Wednesday.” (about obscured object) \ : “What’s that thing there?” \ : “Whatever it is, it hasn’t been invented yet.” **MST3K 5.12 - [Mitchell](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073396/)** Available on DVD. Joel’s last hurrah, he goes out on a strong note. Mitchell is a Joe Don Baker vehicle - he gets mixed up in a murder investigation at the beginning that doesn’t pan out, except as an excuse for a bad guy to rent him a prostitute, and most of the rest of the film concerns Mitchell busting a network of Heroin dealers who constantly betray one another. Must See. The Crew particularly loves to riff on Mitchell’s slobby, fat-guy image, and the funky music. Intro : Joel has a toothpick Monticello, the Bots want to destroy it; Inventions : No time for the Mads, they’re being audited by the Fraternal Order of Mad Science, and have hired Temp Mike to help organize. Host Segments : Gypsy overhears the mads plotting to kill Mike, she thinks they mean Joel; Gypsy plots Joel’s escape; Mike and Gypsy work together to access the escape pod on the SOL, Mike easily outwitting Frank; Finale : Joel is launched into the escape pod. Signature Riffs: \ (early line, as Dr. F explains experiment) “You guys watch Joe Don Baker movies?” (as the camera focuses on a house, at night, no one in sight) \ : “Mitchell, will you stand up please?” (Monty Python) (in the police precinct) \ : (gasps) “They’ve arrested Harlan Ellison!” \ : “Good.” (Mitchell rams his fist through aluminum foil) \ “Liquid metal.” (Car chase starting off slow) \ : “This makes Driving Miss Daisy look like Bullitt!” (Joel’s final theater line, as the theme music ends) \ : “Mitchell!” (Joel’s final line as his pod zooms to Earth) \ : “… I can’t come back, I don’t know how it works!” (as the credits roll) \ “Say, Mike, what size jumpsuit do you wear?” **MST3K 5.13 - [The Brain That Wouldn’t Die](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0052646/)** Available on DVD. Mike’s inaugural outing concerns mad science gone horribly wrong, as a master physician making leaps ahead in transplant technology decapitates his fiancee in an automobile accident, leading him to prowl sleazy nightclubs for a potential body donor to restore her, and leading the disembodied fiancee into a friendly working relationship with the doc’s Frankensteinian failure that he keeps locked in the closet. Must See. There’s a new intro, a new set, and a new hallway sequence! Intro : Mike’s been training on some bad movies; Inventions : Umbrella Gutter, Dream-buster; Host Segments : Mike tries to gain control of the ship, finds spare Tom heads; the crew invents new hats for Jan in the Pan; Mike and the Bots disucss the trust issues raised by the movie; Finale : Jan in the Pan (Mary Jo Pehl) visits on the Hexfield. Signature Riffs: (as the doctor carries his fiancee’s head towards the lab) \ “I remember his fiancee as being taller…” \ “Doesn’t she need lungs?” \ “No, she’s got neck juice.” Next : 5.14 - Teenage Strangler ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2006, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/633 "2006-04-29T05:17:33Z")
I think the reason the switch from Joel to Mike went so well was that they had two such kickass episodes. \*\* Mitchell\*\* and **The Brain…** are MST at their high point. If you ever have to make me laugh uncontrollably, just say the words “Jan in the Pan.” Works every time. And from Mitchell: “Word on the street is, you’re a jerk.” ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/634 "2006-05-06T17:51:32Z")
**MST3K 5.14 - [Teenage Strangler](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059786/)** Shown with Short, [Is This Love?](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0292024/). Mike’s sophomore outing concerns a pair of star-crossed lovers, one of whom gets blamed for a string of teenage stranglings. He has a whiny kid brother that must be seen to be believed. Of course, eventually the lad is able to clear his name when his girlfriend is attacked and almost strangled by the real culprit, the janitor. Interesting to me because it was filmed in Huntington, West Virginia. The accents are giving me flashbacks of home. Hell, my Dad may have been in Huntington at college when this was filmed. Kinda scary. The short is a hoot, though, one of their best. Much of the riffing concerns how much older one of the central college gals looks than the other. Intro : Mike tries to call his Grandma; Invention : Frank’n’Forcer, Waiter-Baiter. Host Segments : Mike and the Bots ponder the nature of Love; Tom’s “Hover Mothers” gang wants to rumble with Crow’s “Crow-Magnons”, Mike intervenes; Tom and Crow trap a pair of glasses to make Mike act like snivelling kid Mikey, from the movie. Finale : Mike as a School Janitor, in song. Signature Riffs: (during short, about old-lady’s boyfriend) \ : “Conformist without a cause.” (as the first gal is grabbed by the strangler, pulled off the street) \ : “Splendor in the Grass 2 : Dream Warrior!” (as the janitor menaces his last teenager) \ : “The master wants you, but he can’t have you.” \*\* MST3K 5.15 - [The Wild World of Batwoman](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061191/)\*\* Shown with Short, [Cheating](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0291806/). Available on DVD. Great episode. Horrible movie. Almost incomprehensible. Batwoman’s a superhero of sorts, and she and her army of strippers… er, Batgirls… fight crime. In this case, they’re opposed by Rat Fink, who’s plotting to steal a special listening device. It’s very silly, and misogynistic, and awful. The short is, again, one of the better-riffed one in MST history, chronicling the tale of a young fellow who cheats and pays the ultimate price. Watch for footage from Mole People, pointlessly inserted! Intro : Gambling on the SOL. Invention : Atomic Hairdryer (leaving Dr. F with a killer 'do), the ‘Razorback’. Host Segments : Discussion of cheating sort; Bots do reports on Cheating short, Crow copies Gypsy’s; Mike, Tom, and Gypsy meet about Crow’s cheating; Finale : Crow defends himself. Signature Riffs: \ : “Looking very relaxed, it’s Hugh Beaumont on sax.” \ : “She’s wearing a gownless evening strap!” (near the conclusion, as it just meanders onward) \ : (Screaming) “END! END!” Next : Alien from L.A. (Pity me…) ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/635 "2006-05-06T20:10:16Z")
That **Cheating** short is really disgusting. Kid doesn’t even get to face his accusers. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/636 "2006-05-07T04:51:42Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > That **Cheating** short is really disgusting. Kid doesn’t even get to face his accusers. It’s the “Reefer Madness” of educational films! ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/637 "2006-05-07T06:41:34Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > Is This Love? …or just rough sex with Martin Sheen? (I may have the celebrity name wrong. I can’t believe I’ve forgotten it!) > [@](#): > > The short is a hoot, though, one of their best. Much of the riffing concerns how much older one of the central college gals looks than the other. “She’s a Romulan!” > [@](#): > > Next : Alien from L.A. (Pity me…) Is that the one with Kathy Ireland and her incredibly annoying high-pitched squealing voice? If so, they deliver a surprisingly dirty innuendo at one point as she’s climbing up a ladder and we get a bit of a shot up her skirt. Aaaaand it appears I’ve forgotten that line too! Damn me! Something about getting their Irish up, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/638 "2006-05-08T15:03:14Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > Is that the one with Kathy Ireland and her incredibly annoying high-pitched squealing voice? If so, they deliver a surprisingly dirty innuendo at one point as she’s climbing up a ladder and we get a bit of a shot up her skirt. Aaaaand it appears I’ve forgotten that line too! Damn me! Something about getting their Irish up, I think. Yeah, she’s pretty squeaky. When she gets dumped by her boyfriend, one of the bots makes a reference to her Helium addiction. The line on the ladder was something to the effect of, “…Ahhh, the Kathy Ireland we all know and love!” ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2006, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/639 "2006-05-08T17:44:03Z")
I found the quote I was thinking of: > [@](#): > > Crow: Woah, that’ll make your shamrock shake! > Mike: Let me get my shillelagh! I also liked it when they called her “Erin Go Bragh-less”. ---
**Author:** ![Zjestika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/8edcca/32.png) [@Zjestika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zjestika)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2006, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555/640 "2006-05-09T06:44:41Z")
So, is that Kathy Ireland’s real voice? It’s _awful_. Makes me wonder how she ever got a modeling job. Imagine her on America’s Next Top Model. She’d never make it. ZJ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555.md?page=31) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-mst3k-thread/306555.md?page=33)