# The Ultimate Sitcom - One Cliche at a Time! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 2, 2003, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612 "2003-03-02T18:44:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Just\_Some\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ad7895/32.png) [@Just\_Some\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Some_Guy)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/61 "2003-03-03T21:51:35Z")
> [@](#): > > Daughter has the lead in a school play (at a grade school that apparently has a budget of $40,000 for sets and costumes for every skit) but dad can’t be there because has to work/play golf! But just as the grade school play is almost brought to a standstill because the crying daughter won’t go onstage, dad enters with a video camera and everybody laughs as he (almost) trips over a folding chair. The play performed is Romeo and Juliet and the daughter doesn’t want to kiss the nerdy boy playing Romeo… ---
**Author:** ![Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f0a364/32.png) [@Rube\_E.Tewesday](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rube_E.Tewesday)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/62 "2003-03-03T21:57:53Z")
There’s a crime in the neighbourhood, so father, over wife’s objections, buys a gun, for an amazingly low price, and without having to do any paperwork, regardless of the gun control laws in his jurisdiction. That night, he hears a sound, and comes horribly close to killing family member/wacky neighbour. Show ends with everybody realizing that they have learned a valuable lesson and that this is a very special episode indeed. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/63 "2003-03-03T22:13:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by London\_Calling \* > **If it’s US-made, there’s a fucking big sofa in the middle of the set, facing the audience.** Don’t forget the staircase directly behind the sofa. It isn’t a sitcom house unless there’s a staircase up to the second floor in the middle of the rear set wall. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/64 "2003-03-03T22:18:41Z")
. . . which ends with the sound of a huge explosion heard off screen. All the principals rush to the door and stare out in horror, and it’s left to the hard-bitten patriarch to exclaim softly, "“Holy, Geez! They blew him up in his car!” \ \ ---
**Author:** ![Lobelia\_Overhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@Lobelia\_Overhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobelia_Overhill)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/65 "2003-03-03T22:48:46Z")
One of the actors will decide to leave the show, but the producers want to keep the character so they employ a “look-a-like” actor [who neither looks nor sounds like the original actor] to carry on playing the part and none of the family notice their relation has undergone this change … ---
**Author:** ![WonTon\_Sean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/54ee81/32.png) [@WonTon\_Sean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WonTon_Sean)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/66 "2003-03-03T22:54:05Z")
The teenaged daughter finally gets the cutest guy in school to go on a date with her, but she forgot she was babysitting tonight! Hilarity ensues. ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/67 "2003-03-03T23:11:15Z")
No matter what, either hilarity OR wackiness will ensue. Never both. ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/68 "2003-03-03T23:17:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by vibrotronica \* > \*\*No matter what, either hilarity OR wackiness will ensue. Never both. \*\* Oh, I don’t know about that. Maybe you’ve never seen _Full House_. ---
**Author:** ![ianzin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@ianzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ianzin)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/69 "2003-03-03T23:23:55Z")
Every episode… One of the main characters faces a predicament that they could resolve in about 10 seconds flat just by having an explanatory conversation. Instead, they decided to invent a weak lie. Trying to maintain the lie involves ever more desperate tactics, until eventually the lie has to be admitted. The character who told the lie is sorry and repentent, but explains s/he didn’t see what else to do, and also that his/her motives were basically good and humanitarian. The character lied to is offended / hurt / angry at first. But then they reconcile, and end on huggy and mutually respectful good terms. They have both learned something from the experience. Next week, _exactly the same thing happens._ If ratings are good, the network renews and the cast get pay packets of increasing orders of magnitude of stupidity. If ratings wobble, the network cancel and can at last offload those hugely expensive actors. (Larry David’s first rule when they began writing Seinfeld: No learning, and no hugging.) ---
**Author:** ![lothos2002](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/df788c/32.png) [@lothos2002](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lothos2002)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/70 "2003-03-03T23:28:24Z")
At one point, the teenage daughter ™ will become the girlfriend of an “unnacceptable” teenage boy (rapper, biker, etc.). Dad will convince teenage daughter of the error of her ways by a) impersonating the boyfriend, or b) turning the nerdy boy into a “cool” guy so she will fall for him. Much hilarity ensues in the process and Dad’s zany antics will finally be appreciated by teenage daughter, who dumps the looser boyfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/71 "2003-03-03T23:48:26Z")
As the show goes into its death throes, the family will go on a vacation to Hawaii/Disneyland/Disney World where the children will get lost. As the parents desperately try to find them in time to have a “relaxing vacation,” the children will meet Mickey Mouse/Donald Duck/Goofy/Pele and learn Very Valuable Lessons. The family will be reunited in time for the luau/parade in which they will be the Guests of Honor. This will always be a two-part episode, but never at the end of the season. The commercials for these episodes will feature several cruise lines. If the budget doesn’t allow for the cast to visit Hawaii/Disneyland/Disney World, then book the Beach Boys. ---
**Author:** ![Einmon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Einmon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Einmon)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/72 "2003-03-04T00:49:13Z")
If the show is REALLY nearing its end, there will be an episode taking place on the backlot of the TV company the show is airing on and/or a movie set. This episode will include many hilarious inside jokes about the actors themselves. Additional fun will be provided by the many people milling about wearing strange things like pineapple costumes or space suits, driving golf carts or carrying various pieces of stage set decoration. ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/73 "2003-03-04T01:03:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KRC \* > \*\*A minor character on the show will get pregnant. She will go into labor while trapped in a broken elevator or a car stalled in a traffic jam and the doofus teenage boy character will have to deliver the baby. \*\* Sometimes it’s the crazy old man. The blind guy will always be a figure of fun. Everyone will tell jokes, but they’ll never be longer than one line. Neighbors we never see find all these jokes hysterical, and can be heard laughing by us. “Special Guest Stars” will come, and become progressively less and less special as time goes by. Often, there will be two staircases, one in the living room, the other in the kitchen. People with low-paying jobs will live in suprisingly good homes for their pay. If a child first comes on the show young, there will, if you look hard enough, be differences in the child between scenes (e.g., twins) Anything I missed? ---
**Author:** ![DougAB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47c2d/32.png) [@DougAB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DougAB)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/74 "2003-03-04T01:28:52Z")
> [@](#): > > As the show goes into its death throes, the family will go on a vacation to Hawaii/Disneyland/Disney World where the children will get lost. As the parents desperately try to find them in time to have a “relaxing vacation,” the children will meet Mickey Mouse/Donald Duck/Goofy/Pele and learn Very Valuable Lessons. The family will be reunited in time for the luau/parade in which they will be the Guests of Honor. This will always be a two-part episode, but never at the end of the season. The commercials for these episodes will feature several cruise lines. So did you meet the Olsen twins? ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/75 "2003-03-04T01:38:09Z")
One sibling will disappear after the second season and never be seen or mentioned again. A baby born in the first season will be 4 years old in the second season. When one of the actors playing a main character leaves, the character will die and soon be replaced by a character that is totally different, yet somehow fits into the family dynamic just fine. John Ritter will make a guest appearance. He may or may not be playing himself, but if he is, one of the characters will ask if he was really gay all that time? The gorgeous wife will have a new co-worker who is very handsome and her schlub husband will be incredibly jealous. He’ll overhear them having an innocent conversation and think she’s having an affair. Then he’ll realize his mistake, she’ll get angry, then they’ll have a heart to heart talk when he will ask why she’s with a guy like him, and she’ll tell him how wonderful he really is, then after a 5 second pause say she likes being the good looking one in the relationship, or similar. If one of the spouses _is_ tempted, even if s/he doesn’t go through with it, the show is doomed. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/76 "2003-03-04T02:31:51Z")
You know, I never thought about it, but we’ve had some crazy times here on the old **“Ultimate Sitcom”** thread. Why, I remember one time, when the thread was only a few posts old, **AcidKid** made the remark… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AcidKid \* > \*\*A **must see episode** for the entire family. \*\* Then there was the time that **Crusoe** first joined the thread with a very special contribution… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crusoe \* > \*\*…an episode where they learn the _true meaning_ of Christmas – with hilarious consequences! \*\* Not that it’s been all fun. Who among us can forget when **RawkStah** made the heartbreaking, emotional plea… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RawkStah \* > \*\*How have you people forgotten the Grandparent Acting Like A Teenager? \*\* Then, of course, there was the time that _I_ tried to get in on the action. Oh brother, what a disaster _that_ turned out to be… > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Terrifel_ > **Sure, they’re wacky now… but did you ever wonder what the whole gang will be like…thirty years in the future?** I’ve certainly learned _my_ lesson. But it’s nice to know that even during hard times like these, we can always count on \*\*Satisfying Andy Licious \*\* to pipe up with that hilarious catchphrase… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Satisfying Andy Licious \* > **(God, I feel like a bulemic who just purged.)** Yes indeed, it’s times like these that make us pause and reflect on how truly special and blessed we all are. There’s a lesson there, I think… Hey! I think I just heard **photopat** and **DougAB** pulling into the driveway! Gosh, it seems like the whole gang’s going to make it this year! No doubt about it, this is going to be the best Christmas _ever!_ ---
**Author:** ![MachV](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@MachV](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MachV)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/77 "2003-03-04T02:58:26Z")
_sigh_ You completely left out the Thanksgiving episode. You know the one: all six cast members sitting in front of an enormous turkey dinner with all the trimmings, and for some reason all on the same side of the table. Somewhere between the young teen boy encountering the homeless man and the family dog eating the first of three turkeys that had to be cooked (the second fell out of a window) we all learned the true meaning of Thanksgiving which was…well it was a damn touching episode I tell you what. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/78 "2003-03-04T03:06:31Z")
Oh, what about the flashback to when the main characters met. Heh heh heh. He had long hair and was into really dated music, and she was such an intellectual. Nobody thought they’d ever make a go of it. And the episode where we saw how they married? Hoo boy! Who’d have thought he’d be late for the ceremony _and_ the best man would get the ring stuck on his finger? Of course, when the main character and his best friend met is a little confusing, because the story was told differently at least 3 times. They met as kids, they met in a bar and he fixed the other guy up with his future ex-wife, they knew each other in the service, heck they probably don’t remember it well because of all the beers they’ve drunk at their hangout. The one with all the pithy characters and the lovable bartender. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/79 "2003-03-04T03:09:11Z")
1. The husband will work up the courage to demand a raise from his tyrannical boss- who fires him. The husband goes to the unemployment center where the rude ugly woman social worker insults him. He gets stuck working a lousy low-paid burger flipping job that he quits after insulting the annoying customer who pushed him too far. He degenerates into a couch potato, but finally by the end of the show gets rehired at his old job. 2. The husband decides to build a (swimming pool) (hot tub) (barbeque pit) (etc) in the back yard. He devotes hours of sweat and labor to the project amidst constant setbacks and screwups, including getting completely done only to discover that he made some minor error that means he has to dismantle the whole thing and start over. But finally he gets the whole thing finished, only to have a (tornado) (building inspector) (earthquake) (termites) destroy the whole thing. 3. The Anti-Violence Moral Lesson Episode: either (a) Dad and the family are out somewhere and a rude slob harasses them, or (b) The son is being persecuted by a bully at school. In either case, Dad insists that a real man proves he’s “not afraid to turn the other cheek”. After Dad or Son spends most of the half-hour looking like a cowardly weeny, the bully crosses the line by threatening an innocent third party, thus providing a legitimate excuse to pound the tar out of the bully. ---
**Author:** ![headchecked](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/258eb7/32.png) [@headchecked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/headchecked)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2003, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612/80 "2003-03-04T03:31:38Z")
I’m surprised noone’s mentioned the hilarity that ensues when a middle class, mid 30’s to 40’s caucasian male uses ‘hip-hop terms’ or the old guy who uses phrases like, “Boo-yah!” Or the guy who’s confronted with the question, “Does this dress make me look fat?” from his wife and get this, he answers, “Its not just the dress.” Hahahahaha. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-ultimate-sitcom-one-cliche-at-a-time/158612.md?page=5)