# The United Airlines Rhyming Haikus **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 17, 2002, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-united-airlines-rhyming-haikus/132699 "2002-10-17T17:56:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2002, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-united-airlines-rhyming-haikus/132699/1 "2002-10-17T17:56:32Z")
Reserved an aisle seat? Sure, but be that as it may Window for today Seatbelt extender! Waverly, upon is sat Now… he’s downright flat Your drink sir, don’t scour Will arrive within one hour Or possibly two What kind of chicken? It rather wriggles. Dear me, Excuse my giggles. I’ve undone my belt For your inspection, but felt You’d tip or something Sir, did you just groan? I am stunned by the pretzels That you have just thrown! Towels from the sink… Get them quick! Your arse has just Toppled my poor drink Most truly tangled I’ve never seen luggage so Thoroughly mangled We’re known for service As well we should. Never said That it would be good. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2002, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-united-airlines-rhyming-haikus/132699/2 "2002-10-17T18:40:06Z")
Long flight to London: Lunch? Ham on a soggy bun. Set phasers on stun. To tilt while he naps, Next man up puts his seat back Ow – broken kneecaps. ---
**Author:** ![december](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/838e76/32.png) [@december](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/december)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2002, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-united-airlines-rhyming-haikus/132699/3 "2002-10-17T18:48:37Z")
Thank you, **Waverly**. You have rhymed so cleverly. Wit and brevity. ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2002, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-united-airlines-rhyming-haikus/132699/4 "2002-10-17T19:02:46Z")
They lost my luggage It went on another plane On its way to Spain Plenty of leg room I do not need any more I’m just five-foot, four (that’s all I can think of for now) ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2002, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-united-airlines-rhyming-haikus/132699/5 "2002-10-17T23:51:09Z")
Flew out to Vegas by way of Los Angeles. Too far 'tween the gates. ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2002, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-united-airlines-rhyming-haikus/132699/6 "2002-10-18T02:04:01Z")
A true United Airline story, in haiku: Early morning flight. Up before the sun can rise. And the plane? Delayed. Finally on board, the baby has her own seat Only $420! I ask for kosher, but what’s this with my breakfast? Alas, it’s bacon. Travel with infant! Yes, I do have to hold her in order to nurse. Stop at [CVG](http://www.cvgairport.com/) En route to San Francisco. Hi Cinci-tucky! On the connection: Ma’am, did you bathe in perfume? Long flight spent gagging. Ah, an in-flight flick! But wait, what fresh hell is this? They’re showing [Glitter](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0118589)!?!?! And now we’ve landed. Good news, passengers. Only fifth in line for gates. Thanks a lot, you jerk. I know you’re in a hurry. But don’t knock me down! Oh flying these days Such agony and struggle Now they’ve lost my bags? They make a promise. Bags delivered to my door. But at _3 a.m._? Airline so well known for making customers moan. See [Untied.Com](http://www.untied.com/) ---
**Author:** ![EasyPhil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e47c2d/32.png) [@EasyPhil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EasyPhil)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2002, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-united-airlines-rhyming-haikus/132699/7 "2002-10-18T05:46:25Z")
Ah, yes friendly skies The ground is the real problem Traffic, lines, late, why???