# The very, very bad, obscure and trade-specific joke thread. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 11, 2004, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-very-very-bad-obscure-and-trade-specific-joke-thread/259290 "2004-08-11T00:58:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-very-very-bad-obscure-and-trade-specific-joke-thread/259290/41 "2004-08-12T06:05:23Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > If I had time, I’d post the classic Steve Martin plumber joke. Maybe when I get home from work, if no one beats me to it. OK, then. Here goes. The setup is that Steve says there’s a convention of plumbers in town that came to see the show, so if everyone will just bear with him, he’d like to do a joke just for them: “This lawn supervisor was out on a sprinkler maintenence job, and he started working on this Finaly sprinkler head with a Langstrom seven inch gangly wrench. Well, just then, his little apprentice leaned over and said, ‘you can’t work on a Finaly sprinkler head with a Langstrom seven inch wrench!’ Well, this infuriated the supervisor, so he went and got volume 14 of the Kinsley manual! And he reads to him and says, ‘The Langstrom seven inch wrench CAN be used with a Finlay sprocket!’ The little apprentice leans over and says, ‘It says sprocket, not socket!’” ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-very-very-bad-obscure-and-trade-specific-joke-thread/259290/42 "2004-08-12T06:13:41Z")
Commercial real estate jokes What does MAI stand for? “Make as instructed” (MAI is a high level appraisal certification required of appraisers by many financial institutions) What does CCIM stand for? Can’t close, I miscalculated (CCIM is a high level commerical real estate designation) God … this thread deserves die. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-very-very-bad-obscure-and-trade-specific-joke-thread/259290/43 "2004-08-12T06:16:45Z")
Q: What do you call a guy who hangs around with musicians? A: A drummer ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-very-very-bad-obscure-and-trade-specific-joke-thread/259290/44 "2004-08-12T06:22:28Z")
What did one leaflet say to the other leaflet (in this case, these are leaflets of pinnately or palmately compound leaves - botany humor)? “Help, I’ve been attached by a rachis!” (The stalk which attaches a leaflet to the central vein of a compound leaf is called a “rachis” (RAY-kiss).) ---
**Author:** ![edwino](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@edwino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwino)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-very-very-bad-obscure-and-trade-specific-joke-thread/259290/45 "2004-08-12T06:37:56Z")
> [@DogMom](#): > > a UNIX programmer wore this shirt in one day: > > rm -Rf /bin/Laden > > Explanation: > rm -Rf means “remove all contents of this directory, and don’t ask any questions. Just do it. Including sub-directories. Yes, I’m sure. Do it now. Make the stuff go away forever.” > > /bin is a top-level directory with large amounts of programs, executables, scripts and generally “stuff that makes the computer work right”. I saw this as chmod +x /bin/laden “Change /bin/laden to executable permission.” The most tasteless of all medical jokes: Q: What’s the difference between Sloan-Kettering and Shea Stadium? A: The Mets always win at Sloan-Kettering. (Sloan-Kettering is a New York cancer hospital. Mets, short for metastases, or cancer spreads. Shea Stadium being where the New York Metropolitans play baseball.) As a _Drosophila_ researcher, I have a multitude of gene name “jokes.” Fruitfly biologists are prone to name their genes bizarre things. This is a tradition that arose out of naming genes after their mutation phenotype (i.e. _white_ mutants have white eyes, _Curly_ mutants have curly wings). Of course, people begin to get creative (I work on a gene called _dachshund_, whose mutants have short little truncated legs). Here’s some clever ones off the top of my head: _ken-and-barbie_: Flies have reduced genitalia _tinman_: Fly embryos lack a heart _Indy_ (short for _I’m not dead yet_): longer lifespan _grim_ and _reaper_: Genes involved in programmed cell death _cheapdate_: Increased alcohol sensitivity The protein encoded by _sevenless_ is bound by the protein encoded by _Boss_ or _Bride of sevenless_. The protein encoded by _decapentaplegic_ is repressed by the protein encoded by _Mad_ or _Mothers against decapentaplegic_. The gene _nanos_ (meaning dwarf in Greek) is repressed by _smaug_ which is of course the dragon from The Hobbit. Mouse and human researchers generally have to keep their gene names sane and boring. Although this does not stop them all of the time. The fly gene _hedgehog_ has a number of copies in vertebrates, one of which was named _Sonic hedgehog_. As it turns out, SHH is one of the most important developmental genes ever discovered. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-very-very-bad-obscure-and-trade-specific-joke-thread/259290/46 "2004-08-12T13:14:32Z")
In a mid-size, mid-American city, with a mid-size planning department was a zoning administrator who held his post for over 30 years. He had a peculiar morning routine upon his arrival at the office; he would always sit down at his desk, the stealthily look around the office to see if anyone was looking (he never noticed, that the whole office did notice this everyday), then, unlock his top center desk drawer, quickly glance at an index card, quickly put the card back in the drawer, and proceed with his daily tasks. This morning ritual had gone on for as long as anyone in the office could remember. One day, the zoning administrator dies. The whole office attends his funeral, three days later, in the morning. Afterward, they all go out to lunch together. Upon returning to the office, the staff is all standing by his old desk, reminiscing about him and his career, when suddenly, they all thought the same thing simultaneously! One planner said to another, “You get a screwdriver. I’ll get a hammer.” So, they proceed to break into the guy’s desk, pull out the index card, and then read it aloud to the group: “YELLOW - Residential, RED - Commercial, BLUE - Manufacturing, . . . .” 🙂 :mad: :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-very-very-bad-obscure-and-trade-specific-joke-thread/259290/47 "2004-08-12T13:28:11Z")
From James P. Hogan (I believe it’s from _Voyage From Yesteryear_: A tachyon is a quantum of poor taste. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-very-very-bad-obscure-and-trade-specific-joke-thread/259290/48 "2004-08-12T14:13:49Z")
A doctor, a lawyer and a musician die in a bus accident and arrive at the pearly gates. St .Peter asks them what they’ve done in life to deserve getting into heaven. The doctor says, “I’m a doctor and I came up with cures for several common diseases and saved thousands of lives.” “Great,” says St. Peter. “Come on in.” The lawer says, “I’m a lawyer and I spent my career doing pro bono work for the poor people of our city, and raised money to help people in third world countries.” “Great,” says St. Peter. “Come on in.” The musician says, “I’m a musician…” “Great,” says St. Peter. “You go through the kitchen, past the steam tables…” ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-very-very-bad-obscure-and-trade-specific-joke-thread/259290/49 "2004-08-12T15:07:25Z")
> [@](#): > > Q. What’s yellow and equivalent to the axiom of choice? > A. Zorn’s Lemon! > A. Tychonose’s theorem! > A. Hahn-Bananach theorem! The axiom of choice is equivalent to Zorn’s lemma, tychonov’s theorem, and the Hahn-Banach theorem (roughly). Lemons and bananas are yellow. Tycho (Brahe) was famous for having a fake (supposedly) gold nose. However, those may have a rival for worst, most obscure joke. Not in depth - anything requiring you to know who Tycho Brahe is, AND have a degree in set theory is worse - but in diversity, being based on basic physics, bad jokes, and zen buddhism. > [@](#): > > A monk visited the great Joshu, and asked him “Two cats are sitting on a sloping roof. One has buddha-nature and one does not. Which one falls off first?” and Joshu replied “The one with the smaller Mu.” If you’ve got to this point it’s not going to be funny regardless but since I enjoy sharing knowledge, you should be aware that (1) The greek letter pronounced ‘mu’ represents coefficient of friction, so the cat with the smaller one slips more and, giving rise to the old joke “Two cats are sitting on a roof. Which slips first? The one with the smaller mu.” and (2) ‘Mu’ is a word used in some Buddhist traditions to ‘unask’ questions which are invalid or malformed. The famous parable – I believe related to Joshu – is that it was the response the question “Does a dog have buddha nature.” I know I am very oversimplifying; if anyone wants to correct me, feel free. Oh, I slay me. And coincidently enough, that’s what Nick threatened to do when I told him my joke. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-very-very-bad-obscure-and-trade-specific-joke-thread/259290/50 "2004-08-12T16:50:31Z")
The housekeeping boss grabs a janitor and tells him to go up front and dust the tops of the lockers. The janitor says, “Well, OK, but I don’t have to sing, do I?” “Sing? What do you mean, sing?” The janitor rolls his eyes, and he belts out, “Gooooooood oooooold Locker Top, Locker Top, Tennessee!” :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-very-very-bad-obscure-and-trade-specific-joke-thread/259290/51 "2004-08-12T18:09:32Z")
Translation jokes: 1. A French diplomat and a German diplomat are attending a UN conference. The German delegate is making a speech and the French delegate is listening to it via simultaneous interpretation. At one point, the interpreter falls silent. After about five minutes, the French diplomat grows antsy, and finally asks, “Why aren’t you translating?” “Sshh!” says the interpreter. “I’m waiting for the verb!” 1. In one of the interminable wars between France and Germany over Alsace-Lorraine, the Germans have just reconquered it, and in accordance with the standard practice, are registering all the residents and forcing them to register under German names. Finally they come to one guy’s farmhouse and insist he take a German name. “No,” he says. “No? What do you mean, no?” “My name is Lagarde. If I change it to Germain, it’ll be Wache. When France takes it back, I’ll be Vache. When Germany takes it back, I’ll be Kuh. When France takes it back, I’ll be Cul. When Germany takes it back, I’ll be Arschloch. So why don’t you just call me Arschloch to begin with?” 1. I understand that the acrimony between the Flemish and Walloons in Belgium stems back to a treaty they signed long, long ago – just after they finished signing it, the French delegate said, “Merci!” and the Flemish delegate said, “Dank U!” [[_Dank U_ sounds like _dans l’cul,_ “up yours.”]] ---
**Author:** ![Jpeg\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@Jpeg\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jpeg_Jones)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-very-very-bad-obscure-and-trade-specific-joke-thread/259290/52 "2004-08-12T18:11:03Z")
How do you get a violist to play _pianissimo tremolo_? Mark the passage _solo forte_. The joke is that if you write for the violist to play something loudly all alone, he or she will get really scared and play softly and tremblingly. ---
**Author:** ![jellytoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/eb9ed0/32.png) [@jellytoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellytoes)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2004, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-very-very-bad-obscure-and-trade-specific-joke-thread/259290/53 "2004-08-12T19:31:25Z")
Ok, here goes mine. I work as a research assistant for a local stream ecology project. Mr. Toes was once asked what I do for my job. Mr. Toes is a network administrator and said that I play with rock slime all day. I told this to the head researcher who thought it was really funny. Last week, I was assigned to extract cholorophyll from periphyton. All the lights have to be off for this and the blinds closed since chlorophyll (once extracted) is very sensitive to light. I walked into the lab that morning to find that the head researcher had taped over the windows a huge sign that said “Litho-slimology in progress!” I really hate having to explain that one to everyone that walks into the lab. Including Mr. Toes. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-very-very-bad-obscure-and-trade-specific-joke-thread/259290.md?page=2)