# The War of the Earring **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 5, 2004, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781 "2004-01-05T08:57:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Q.N.Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/3da27b/32.png) [@Q.N.Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.N.Jones)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/41 "2004-01-05T18:47:03Z")
P.S.–I think this holds true even if the dad initially agreed to the earring. Clearly, he thought he had a right to take it out. You didn’t, even though you consulted him in some form about it. Sounds like there’s definitely confusion about his role here. ---
**Author:** ![\_Deep\_F\_ied](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/7cd45c/32.png) [@\_Deep\_F\_ied](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Deep_F_ied)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/42 "2004-01-05T19:04:54Z")
> [@](#): > > I must have a very odd family. If my brother came to us and said, “Oh, by the way, I’m gay,” our response would be, “Cool. Whatever. Watch out for the assholes out there.” Now I know you didn’t mean this to be funny **whiterabbit** , but i just can’t stop laughing… Watch out indeed. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/43 "2004-01-05T19:11:34Z")
I should have known. :rolleyes: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Defense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Civil\_Defense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Defense)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/44 "2004-01-05T19:28:49Z")
Wow, I forgot that we still lived in the days of full-bodied bathing suits for women, and chain-mail apparel for men. Silly me to think that our society has progressed to the point where men and women alike are free to wear whatever they want. :wally Anyway, I have 4 piercings (3 visible), and my hair has been every color from white to bright blue. In my travels, the only people who’ve given me more than cursory glance tended to be the elderliest of the eldery. I won’t argue for the boy’s right to look however he damn well pleases-- that’s a personal opinion shared by myself and several other posters in this thread. His father had no right to demand that he remove the earring, just as his mother would have no right demanding that he GET the earring, had he not wanted it. But he did, daddy was homophobic and didn’t agree, the end. I agree with the OP- daddy’s a dick, and the less influence he has on junior (esp. if he’s going to be touting his position on homosexuality, for example), the better. I’m glad I had parents like you, **Marlitharn**. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![acicadasings](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@acicadasings](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/acicadasings)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/45 "2004-01-05T19:29:45Z")
While I also couldn’t help but detect the petty undercurrent of the OP (I’ll get back at my ex with THREE earrings next time!), it may well have been more light-hearted than my first impression suggested. I don’t want to lecture, but… What bothers me is that you took a 13 year old to be pierced with (presumably) a piercing gun in an unprofessional ‘studio’ - Wal-Mart. This is just not safe, and while I don’t think it is irresponsible parenting to allow a young teenager to have pierced ears, I do think it was irresponsible to take him somewhere so potentially harmful to have it done. To distil the risks for you, the main problems with a piercing gun is that it can’t be properly sterilized, and it uses blunt force to insert the earring, which can cause tissue damage. Here’s a more detailed read: [http://www.bmeworld.com/heidi/guns.html](http://www.bmeworld.com/heidi/guns.html) I would strongly recommend anyone considering a piercing (or piercing their child for that matter) to check out safe, reputable, _sterile_ and professional piercing studios. Anywhere that uses a gun is not acceptable. [Forgive me if I’m wrong in my assumption. If you took him to a studio, well done! I’m also with you in that 13 is easily old enough to choose a small, and usually harmless procedure such as this, and the sexism displayed by certain members in this thread is quite infuriating.] ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/46 "2004-01-05T19:42:24Z")
PRIAM – > [@](#): > > Jodi: I think one reason she’s pissed off that you’ve either glazed over or missed is that she told the ex it was happening and he agreed the kid could wear the earring down there. Whether or not he was particularly enthused about the idea doesn’t enter into it. The man flat-out lied about what would happen. Maybe he lied, or maybe he thought it would be okay until he saw it, and then decided it wasn’t okay. Either way, sure, I can see being pissed that he said one thing and did another. But “the great earring war”? It’s just not a battle I’d pick. > [@](#): > > Also, while he may be the boy’s father, it doesn’t sound like he has done much to support the kid day-to-day and thus I’m not exactly sure his opinion counts for very much. He is the child’s father, and she is allowing the child to visit in his home. His opinion counts for a lot. If MARLI has sole custody and she doesn’t like the fact the ex is not respecting her decisions regarding her son’s appearance, then she can tell him (the father) to leave him (the son) alone, or she won’t let him visit anymore. But again – this isn’t a battle I’d pick. I’d repierce the boy’s ear, not send him back down there until the hole was healed, and then tell him that if his father objected to the earring, he couldn’t wear it at his father’s house. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Defense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Civil\_Defense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Defense)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/47 "2004-01-05T19:55:01Z")
> [@](#): > > He is the child’s father, and she is allowing the child to visit in his home. His opinion counts for a lot. Compared to the opinion of the mother, who appears to have custody, and the son combined, it means little in this case. > [@](#): > > and then tell him that if his father objected to the earring, he couldn’t wear it at his father’s house. I’d say it’s up to the boy to decide if he wants to wear it around his dad or not. When I had my eyebrow pierced, my father had quite a problem with it, but he got over it when he finally realized it wasn’t his body. Had it been an earring, I probably would’ve taken it out when I visited just to avoid the bitching. ---
**Author:** ![Irish\_Rogue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e36b37/32.png) [@Irish\_Rogue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irish_Rogue)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/48 "2004-01-05T20:24:30Z")
\>\>As I related in the other thread, I had already \>\>spoken to Dink about the earring before the \>\>boy went for his visit, and he had agreed to \>\>leave it alone. Until he found out we pierced \>\>the “gay” ear, apparently. I’m the step-mom to three wonderful teenage girls … so when I read your OP, I cringed. I’m an adult and yet I’ve made myself physically sick with dread when having to deal with the ex. Your description of pounding on the phone and such just brought back awful memories of her _screaming_ at _everyone_ for no good reason. Such awful hatred spewing out of someone … it’s had a terrible effect on the girls, their dad and me. So, now that I’ve explained that … and we all know how hard it is not to imprint your own experiences onto someone else’s story … You did the right thing by discussing the earring issue with your ex first. It’s a shame that he responded so negatively to the “wrong ear” thing … and honestly, I’m in the camp who believes that in 2004, it really doesn’t matter … but please, please try to water down the hostility. If he is avoiding your calls, there’s a reason … and your son told you why. “He knew you’d be mad.” Again, I’m aware that I’m projecting and I apologize … but if you knew what it was like to see a name on the caller ID and literally cringe because you knew the screaming that was going to be directed at you … you’d avoid picking up the phone too. I’ve done it many, many times. ---
**Author:** ![Priam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Priam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Priam)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/49 "2004-01-05T20:31:34Z")
If you’re truly holding the line about parental consultation, **Jodi** , shouldn’t the father have called back **Marli** and said “hey, I’ve got a problem with the earring now that I’ve seen it”? ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/50 "2004-01-05T21:02:22Z")
Sure, he should have. But based on the content of this thread, what do you think the response to that call would have been? A. If it bugs you that much, take it out; B. He wanted it, he likes it, if you take it out we’ll just have to go re-do it when he gets home, so do me a favor and live with it; or C. Listen, Dick for Brains, you cowardly son of a bitch, if you so much as touch that kid’s ear I’ll go ape-shit on your ass. Should he have consulted her? Sure. But I probably wouldn’t have called her first, either. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Serpentine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3be4f8/32.png) [@Silver\_Serpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Serpentine)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2004, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/51 "2004-01-05T22:13:07Z")
**Marlitharn** - I wish my mom had been as cool about my appearance as you seem to be. Every time I did something “strange” (wearing black eyeliner, getting a long winter coat, painting my nails black) my mom would give me The Look. Once I moved out (a week after I turned 18 because I was so sick of living with her), I was finally able to do what I had wanted to do for YEARS - dye my hair blue and purple, get a few piercings, get a few tats. Until I moved across the country (the relief at being that far away from her was nice), I would avoid her for months at a time because I hated the disapproving looks I always got. I care about what my mom thinks, but not enough to let her DRESS me at 18, yeesh. I guess what I’m getting at slowly is that kids will do what they want with their bodies. A parent can either try to be supportive, or alienate their child. If my mom had supported me, even slightly, we’d have a much better relationship than we do now. I see her twice a year (when I go to visit friends in Austin), and talk to her MAYBE twice a year on the phone. Finally, finally, she came to the conclusion that despite being a pierced and tattooed freak, I’m happy, polite, well-educated, and not a drinker/drug user. So, she no longer gives me The Look. There are a LOT worse things out there that a kid can do than pierce his ear. People on this thread are acting like you gave your kid Heroin or something. So, congrats at having a good relationship with your kid, especially in his teenaged years. A little compromise and accepance will not only make you the “cool mom,” but also (probably) get you fewer eyerolls and "I hate you!"s. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2004, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/52 "2004-01-06T00:20:02Z")
Hey, Harrison Ford has an earring! If it’s good enough for Indiana Jones/Han Solo… ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2004, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/53 "2004-01-06T01:09:39Z")
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Brutus \* > **Look at the great success trannys enjoy in mainstream society.** _–sets watch–_ Thanks, B-man! ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2004, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/54 "2004-01-06T01:25:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Brutus \* > \*\*A 13 year-old boy getting his ear pierced? That’s just wrong. \*\* In that case I recommend waiting until you turn 14. ---
**Author:** ![Gadfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2004, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/55 "2004-01-06T01:53:43Z")
It’s just an earring. Jesus. A tiny loop of metal can’t really do anyone much harm. ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2004, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/56 "2004-01-06T02:44:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jodi \* > \*\*Sure, he should have. But based on the content of this thread, what do you think the response to that call would have been? > > A. If it bugs you that much, take it out; > B. He wanted it, he likes it, if you take it out we’ll just have to go re-do it when he gets home, so do me a favor and live with it; or > C. Listen, Dick for Brains, you cowardly son of a bitch, if you so much as touch that kid’s ear I’ll go ape-shit on your ass. > > Should he have consulted her? Sure. But I probably wouldn’t have called her first, either. \*\* The response, actually, would have been B. In fact, that’s pretty much what I told him, almost word for word, when I first told him about the piercing. I am capable of being diplomatic when I need an issue resolved. In retrospect, I’m glad Dink didn’t answer the phone the first time I tried to call, because I needed time to find my temper again (it was under the couch cushions with my spare change). I’m getting the impression that some people in this thread think i held my son down at gunpoint and forced him to submit to the nice piercing lady. Let me reiterate that the original piercing was HIS idea, the double piercing was HIS idea, and now he wants ANOTHER hole in the top of his ear, which I’ve vetoed until I see how he maintains and cares for the earlobe piercings; cartilage piercings carry a greater risk of infection. ---
**Author:** ![Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krisfer_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2004, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/57 "2004-01-06T02:54:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Marlitharn \* > \*\*I needed time to find my temper again (it was under the couch cushions with my spare change). > > \*\* So THAT’S where it is! I have looked everywhere! _runs and checks_ Yup sure 'nough… Gosh! ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2004, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/58 "2004-01-06T03:02:54Z")
I suppose now would be a bad time to admit that I let my daughter get a tattoo when she was 15 and she’s been dying her hair since she was 13. As a parent you have to choose your battles and I learned a long time ago that making sure my kids were respectful, well behaved and intelluctually stimulated was far more important than how clean their rooms were, how many holes they had in their ears or if they wanted body art. Although I do tell them they if they want it, they have to pay for it themselves. And she did. My son wants an earring but since his father is more involved than the OPs ex, he does get to say no and the son just has to deal with it. Of course, he’s 10 and has changed his mind 4 times but if he still wants it at 16 and pays for it, we aren’t going to stand in his way. It is just an earring. ---
**Author:** ![Punoqllads](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d2c977/32.png) [@Punoqllads](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Punoqllads)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2004, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/59 "2004-01-06T04:00:35Z")
No no no no no. Wearing an earring in your right ear only means you’re gay if you’re wearing denim jeans with a green bandana tucked into your back left pocket except on Thursdays when it’s a red bandana in your right back pocket. Oh, wait, maybe that’s a butch. I always forget. Does anyone with The Handbook mind jumping in with the canonical specification? ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2004, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781/60 "2004-01-06T14:45:10Z")
Take him to a good piercing place for the cartilige piercing if he decides to get it. They’re a lot trickier and it’s best to have an expert do it. It’ll cost a bit more, but that’s what saving allowance money is for, right? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-war-of-the-earring/222781.md?page=4)