# The Weturn of Pwincess Pwecious **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 22, 2002, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095 "2002-08-22T16:37:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/1 "2002-08-22T16:37:03Z")
She’s back from maternity leave. Damn. Two other women in my office went on maternity leave and never came back—both of them good workers, nice people. But the Pwincess—noted for her squeaky, adowable baby-talk voice—had to come back. Not only does she regale everyone in the office with baby stories, flirt nauseatingly with all the men in the office—but now she calls home and _talks baby talk to her baby_. I need a hunchbacked assistant to pour boiling oil over the cubicle wall onto her. I swear, my head it going to explode if I have to listen to this inane prattling bitch for one more day . . . ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/2 "2002-08-22T16:43:47Z")
_“I need a hunchbacked assistant to pour boiling oil over the cubicle wall onto her.”_ I’ll need to work on the hunch, but I’ll be happy to volunteer. (Your title immediately made me hear, in my head, “Tonstant Weader fwowed up.”) ---
**Author:** ![Kamandi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5daacb/32.png) [@Kamandi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamandi)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/3 "2002-08-22T16:45:02Z")
Awwww, is Eavey-weavey gwumpy today? Does she want a cookie? Yes she does! Yes she does! ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/4 "2002-08-22T16:47:53Z")
I am _so_ glad that I don’t have anyone like that near me. I wouldn’t deal well with it. ---
**Author:** ![seawitch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@seawitch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seawitch)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/5 "2002-08-22T16:49:36Z")
**Hama** - can I be the assistant hunchback? You know, get the oil heated, provide the asbestos gloves, and maybe work my way up to hunching? ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/6 "2002-08-22T17:34:01Z")
Darn, I’m hunchFRONTED. Looks like i’ll still be collecting unemployment… ---
**Author:** ![CRorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CRorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CRorex)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/7 "2002-08-22T17:40:30Z")
Hrrm wanna borrow my monkey army Eve? They don’t quite have glowing genitals yet, but they are slightly trained. ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/8 "2002-08-22T18:41:20Z")
I can do a good leg-dragging I-gor… “I come, Mistress…” ---
**Author:** ![erislover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71e660/32.png) [@erislover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erislover)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/9 "2002-08-22T18:42:37Z")
Yeah, so she’s annoying. But what we all want to know is: did she at least bring in some placenta stew for everyone? ---
**Author:** ![RexDart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@RexDart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RexDart)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/10 "2002-08-22T18:46:59Z")
LOL, rough. I can’t imagine anything more annoying than that…well, I can but it would be too disturbing to think about. Word to new parents: _nobody gives a crap about your baby._ That this lady sounds like a real annoyance to start out with, I can only imagine it’s double your pleasure now. At least she calls home to talk to the baby…as opposed to calling home to talk to her cats. Now _that_ is pathetic. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/11 "2002-08-22T18:47:46Z")
I’ll be the hunch! ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/12 "2002-08-22T19:06:47Z")
I swear I am not making this up: she has just brought in one of those talking kiddie toys that laughs makes noises and goes “I Wuv Oo!” Bring on the monkey army, **CRorex** —I can’t wait for their genitals to start glowing. This is an emergency. ---
**Author:** ![RexDart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@RexDart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RexDart)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/13 "2002-08-22T19:41:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by dantheman \* > \*\*I’ll be the hunch! \*\* This scalding is brought to you by Toyota – the hatchback fit for a hunchback! ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/14 "2002-08-22T20:32:08Z")
I knew [exactly](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=97692) who you were talking about. Does that mean I spend too much time on these boards? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/15 "2002-08-22T20:54:27Z")
Yes, Dooku, it seems Pwincess Pwecious has become one of the continuing characters on our little Board soap opera . . . ---
**Author:** ![lucwarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@lucwarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lucwarm)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/16 "2002-08-22T20:56:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RexDart \* > \*\*Word to new parents: _nobody gives a crap about your baby._ \*\* Gah. My kids are the center of the universe. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/17 "2002-08-22T22:24:04Z")
My kids (no longer babies) are the center of **my** universe, but I make no assumptions about them even being in any universe of any person not directly related to me. ---
**Author:** ![Daowajan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/18 "2002-08-22T23:40:43Z")
That woman’s poor kid. It’s going to gwow up with a severe Elmer Fudd speech impediment, and may even need thewapy. ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/19 "2002-08-22T23:43:46Z")
Eve, I already HAVE the hump (well, surgically corrected scoliosis, anyway, but I think that would pass in a court of law) and I’ll be there in about 4 hours, boiling oil in tow. I LOATHE the baby talk. Man, it makes me cwazy. I mean, crazy. I’m so sorry she came back AND now has a reason to tawk baby tawk. Awwww…in’t she da cootest? Who’s the cooootest baby? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2002, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095/20 "2002-08-22T23:44:40Z")
What **Daowajan** said. Seriously, don’t most pediatricians tell you NOT to talk baby talk to your children? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-weturn-of-pwincess-pwecious/125095.md?page=2)