# "The Wife" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 28, 2009, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075 "2009-08-28T20:20:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Easy\_Easter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8c91f0/32.png) [@Easy\_Easter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Easy_Easter)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/1 "2009-08-28T20:20:02Z")
Does anyone else here take exception to being called “the wife”, or “the old lady?” Personally, I don’t find it to be very endearing or respectful. I would never refer to my husband as “the husband” or “my old man”. Even when my husband is speakiing with friends, he refers to me as “the wife”…even though he could just say my name. It makes me feel like I’m not an equal, or even a person in his eyes. Is is bravado on his part? Is it macho? I’m just curious. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/2 "2009-08-28T20:29:33Z")
I wouldn’t enjoy it much. I could see it if he’s letting off steam with friends, but not in front of me. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Why\_Bird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@The\_Why\_Bird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Why_Bird)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/3 "2009-08-28T20:51:36Z")
This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. It’s a pretty normal, playful thing for someone to do, particularly when chatting with friends. As long as my husband is respectful in his actions towards me, treats me well and isn’t actively criticizing me/making rude remarks, I don’t really mind how he refers to me. It’s not like he’s referring to me as ‘it’ or ‘that idiot’. It doesn’t make me feel like I’m not an equal. If anything, I might tease him a bit about this by calling him something similar to his friends. Whether it is bravado depends on your husband - what makes you think he is trying to prove himself to them? Is it ‘uncool’ in his group of friends to be affectionate? ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/4 "2009-08-28T20:55:06Z")
> [@The\_Why\_Bird](#): > > This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. It’s a pretty normal, playful thing for someone to do, particularly when chatting with friends. As long as my husband is respectful in his actions towards me, treats me well and isn’t actively criticizing me/making rude remarks, I don’t really mind how he refers to me. It’s not like he’s referring to me as ‘it’ or ‘that idiot’. It doesn’t make me feel like I’m not an equal. If anything, I might tease him a bit about this by calling him something similar to his friends. Whether it is bravado depends on your husband - what makes you think he is trying to prove himself to them? Is it ‘uncool’ in his group of friends to be affectionate? Same here. I do sometimes call my husband “the husband” though. Usually to people who don’t know him. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/5 "2009-08-28T21:02:21Z")
A former girlfriend referred to me as “the boyfriend” all the time – when it was just the two of us. She would sing “I looooooooove the boyfriend!” at random times, but at least daily. She expected me to respond in kind every time. Disrespectful? No. Annoying as hell? Oh yeah. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/6 "2009-08-28T21:03:56Z")
I call my fiancee “the girlie.” I’m not really sure why. ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/7 "2009-08-28T21:05:46Z")
> [@badbadrubberpiggy](#): > > I do sometimes call my husband “the husband” though. Usually to people who don’t know him. Why not just say, “my husband”? I wouldn’t say “the wife,” except as an obvious joke. The term has mostly been used to refer to your spouse as an expense or hindrance, or an unwanted opinion. Conversely, I’d never marry any woman who would even _consider_ referring to me as “hubby,” or “the hubby.” In fact, I wouldn’t even want to be your friend if you used that word. ---
**Author:** ![Jettboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/85e7bf/32.png) [@Jettboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jettboy)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/8 "2009-08-28T21:06:54Z")
I refer to my wife as “the missus” when I’m speaking to people who don’t know her, or don’t know her _well_. It staves off the inevitable question of “…oh, is that your wife?” when I refer to her as “Beth”. ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/9 "2009-08-28T21:07:12Z")
Nope; doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I rather enjoy it, in fact. I wouldn’t enjoy him continuing to call me something I’ve told him makes me feel unappreciated or disrespected, of course. That’s a separate issue altogether. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/10 "2009-08-28T21:39:02Z")
I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there is something I don’t like about “the wife” rather than “my wife”. It is on the same level of non-respect as “the old ball and chain” or other non-affectionate nicknames. It might be just macho on his part, or it could be a territorial marker. It’s hard to tell with men. have you asked him to stop calling you that? It’s possible he might think it’s the only “cute” nickname his friends won’t react to. ---
**Author:** ![Claire\_Beauchamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ec9cab/32.png) [@Claire\_Beauchamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Claire_Beauchamp)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/11 "2009-08-28T21:53:18Z")
> [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](#): > > I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there is something I don’t like about “the wife” rather than “my wife”. It is on the same level of non-respect as “the old ball and chain” or other non-affectionate nicknames. This is my gut reaction. “The wife” sounds like something that was foisted upon him rather than something he chose to have. And we won’t even discuss “my old lady.” _shudder_ ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/12 "2009-08-28T21:54:57Z")
Guy here. It sounds kind of weird to me; offputting. How did they put it in MST3K when someone used that phrase? Something like “I’m going to _the home_ and have \*the dinner \*now.” ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/13 "2009-08-28T21:58:52Z")
> [@guizot](#): > > Why not just say, “my husband”? > > I wouldn’t say “the wife,” except as an obvious joke. The term has mostly been used to refer to your spouse as an expense or hindrance, or an unwanted opinion. > > Conversely, I’d never marry any woman who would even _consider_ referring to me as “hubby,” or “the hubby.” In fact, I wouldn’t even want to be your friend if you used that word. Usually I do just say “my husband” actually. It’s not something I’ve ever found offensive, nor is it something my husband finds offensive, so why not? ---
**Author:** ![Easy\_Easter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8c91f0/32.png) [@Easy\_Easter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Easy_Easter)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/14 "2009-08-28T22:03:48Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Guy here. It sounds kind of weird to me; offputting. How did they put it in MST3K when someone used that phrase? Something like “I’m going to _the home_ and have \*the dinner \*now.” So I should see Crow for marriage counseling???😃 ---
**Author:** ![scarbrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@scarbrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scarbrow)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/15 "2009-08-28T22:43:30Z")
> [@guizot](#): > > Conversely, I’d never marry any woman who would even _consider_ referring to me as “hubby,” or “the hubby.” In fact, I wouldn’t even want to be your friend if you used that word. Is this for real? What is the negative connotation of “hubby”? My wife always seems to make it sound like a term of affection. “The wife” or “the husband” feels to me like a sort of mock formality. When I’m telling the boss I’m not sure which date is better for a business trip, it fits the tone of much of modern business speak to me. And if I were to use it with guy friends on a guys night out, it’s sort of a way to play at the “us vs. them” aspect. But it is a bit cold, so used in the wrong way, I could see it being obnoxious. ---
**Author:** ![tacoloco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tacoloco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tacoloco)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/16 "2009-08-28T22:48:46Z")
It doesn’t bother me when other people say it, but I never say it myself. It’s either “my wife” or more typically referenced by her actual name. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2009, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/17 "2009-08-28T22:57:15Z")
I use ‘the missus’ in casual conversation, because it seems less starchy than ‘my wife’ and there are people I might speak to who wouldn’t realise who I was talking about if I just used her first name. I’m sure she knows I do this and I don’t think she’s offended by it, then again, we both frequently refer to our offspring as ‘the boy’ and ‘the girl’. ---
**Author:** ![dragonlady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@dragonlady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dragonlady)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/18 "2009-08-29T01:42:03Z")
Mu Ex ALWAYS referred to me “my wife”. I think I would have preferred “the” wife. I always read it as a very possessive feeling thing. As if my distinguishing feature was being HIS. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/19 "2009-08-29T02:10:34Z")
Good thing you arent married to some folks I know. One had the infamous “ball and chain”. Another had the “old goat”. Funny thing she was rather pretty and only in her late 20’s at the time. If something isnt MEANT to be offensive, get the frack over it IMO. You got better fish to fry in life…and if you don’t count yourself damn lucky… ---
**Author:** ![Hokkaido\_Brit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/d26b3c/32.png) [@Hokkaido\_Brit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hokkaido_Brit)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/20 "2009-08-29T02:28:26Z")
Soon after we were married, my Japanese husband got a phone call from a friend asking if he could go out one night. He said to hang on, he’d just check with the wife, but he put it as “uchi no yatsu” which can roughly translate as “my thing” or “the thing at home”. I was sitting next to him at the time and just couldn’t keep quiet. “Uchi no yatsu? UCHI NO YATSU???” He and the other guy were laughing and I did make a joke of it but OMG never again if you value our friendship. Grrrrrrr. Thing. Grrrrrr. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075.md?page=2)