# "The Wife" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 28, 2009, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075 "2009-08-28T20:20:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Pearson\_Flyer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pearson_flyer/32/7241_2.png) [@Pearson\_Flyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pearson_Flyer)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/21 "2009-08-29T02:41:02Z")
I would take “the husband” in every conversation if it would mean no one would ever refer to their husband online as “DH”. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/22 "2009-08-29T03:04:49Z")
I work with a guy who calls his wife “The Spouse.” From what I understand, she does not wish to be called his “wife,” as that would imply ownership. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/23 "2009-08-29T03:50:11Z")
> [@scarbrow](#): > > Is this for real? What is the negative connotation of “hubby”? My wife always seems to make it sound like a term of affection. Then let her address you that way face-to-face, not to others. I have an aversion to infantile diminutive forms used in public discourse. “Veggie,” and “foodie” also fall into this category, as far as I’m concerned. ---
**Author:** ![Daffyd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daffyd/32/8923_2.png) [@Daffyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daffyd)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/24 "2009-08-29T04:36:44Z")
Married Gay guy here… I call my husband “the wife” all the time… and it’s fun to confuse “the straights” with which one of us is “the woman”, since “the husband” and I then usually start joking over which one of us is which in “the relationship”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/25 "2009-08-29T05:19:11Z")
> [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](#): > > I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there is something I don’t like about “the wife” rather than “my wife”. It is on the same level of non-respect as “the old ball and chain” or other non-affectionate nicknames. It might be just macho on his part, or it could be a territorial marker. It’s hard to tell with men. have you asked him to stop calling you that? It’s possible he might think it’s the only “cute” nickname his friends won’t react to. “The” wife implies that the person referred to is not really a person at all, but just another piece of property, or so I’ve always felt. It seems that the wife is just one of an interchangeable series of women that the man in question could have married. “My” wife, on the other hand, implies that this is the woman that I chose to marry, and the one woman I treasure above all others. Of course, unless I switch polarities, I won’t be using either one, myself, but I feel the same way about referring to husbands. > [@](#): > > I have an aversion to infantile diminutive forms used in public discourse. “Veggie,” and “foodie” also fall into this category, as far as I’m concerned. I think that “veggie” is a reasonable shortening of the word vegetable, and “foodie” has a specific meaning. I will caution you to avoid a lot of other message boards which tend to refer to husbands as DH (Dear Husband), daughters as DD, and sons as DS. I’ve never seen a man refer to his DW, though. I think that all the Dear relations get to be a bit gag-inducing after a very short period of time. ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/26 "2009-08-29T05:55:14Z")
Oh great, THE OLD BATTLEAXE is giving me a look. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/27 "2009-08-29T05:58:54Z")
> [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](#): > > It is on the same level of non-respect as “the old ball and chain” or other non-affectionate nicknames. This is how I feel. And it sounds rather dehumanizing, like “the dog” or “the car.” ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/28 "2009-08-29T07:51:12Z")
On one of the other forums I frequent, The Wife is also known as SWMBO. It’s another tongue in cheek term of affection and I think it’s harmless. And it also gets threads like these made about the term sometimes as well. And no I’m not saying what the acronym stands for. That’s another game we play. Hey we’re all homebrewers and drunks, we like doing that sort of thing 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rayne\_Man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/df705f/32.png) [@Rayne\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rayne_Man)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/29 "2009-08-29T08:42:35Z")
How about “my present wife”, meaning that if she doesn’t behave herself she will be replaced! ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/30 "2009-08-29T08:47:31Z")
SWMBO…hmmmm…bunch of _Rumpole_ fans are they?😉 I have no personal objections to “the wife”. However, usually I’m “the spouse”. So is the other spouse. In some contexts we’re “the mum” and “the dad”. Also, the kids are “the Rachel”, “the Julia” and “the Daniel” We’re kinda wierd like that. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/31 "2009-08-29T15:06:40Z")
> [@Jettboy](#): > > I refer to my wife as “the missus” when I’m speaking to people who don’t know her, or don’t know her _well_. It staves off the inevitable question of “…oh, is that your wife?” when I refer to her as “Beth”. See, my boyfriend does this and I find it very odd. Granted he’s from Northern Ireland - I gather that it’s normal to refer to both girlfriends and wives as “the missus”. It freaked me out at first but I’ve grown used to it, I suppose. **Hokkaido Brit** ’s story reminded me of when I first met my boyfriend’s 3-year-old nephew - he pointed at me curiously and asked out loud: “Is that uncle’s?” ---
**Author:** ![kapri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4491bb/32.png) [@kapri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kapri)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/32 "2009-08-29T15:10:30Z")
When I was married I wouldn’t have minded being called “the wife.” My ex was fond of calling me “the enemy.” See, it could be worse. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/33 "2009-08-29T16:54:24Z")
I’m from the Republic of Ireland and I call my girlfriend “The Missus” all the time. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![lolagranola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ea5d25/32.png) [@lolagranola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lolagranola)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/34 "2009-08-29T16:56:20Z")
He says it with so much obvious affection, and a little bit of glee. Yes, we are newlyweds. Why do you ask? ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/35 "2009-08-29T19:02:19Z")
Doesn’t bother me at all. I refer to my hubby as “the husband” or “my current husband” or “first husband” if I’m feeling saucy. ---
**Author:** ![Weaver\_of\_Nightmares](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/73ab20/32.png) [@Weaver\_of\_Nightmares](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weaver_of_Nightmares)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/36 "2009-08-29T20:13:56Z")
> [@Poysyn](#): > > Doesn’t bother me at all. I refer to my hubby as “the husband” or “my current husband” or “first husband” if I’m feeling saucy. ‘He who keeps me warm at night when the poolboy is on holiday’? I am so lucky he has my sense of humour. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/37 "2009-08-30T00:30:02Z")
I call my spouse a hammerhead, all the time. It’s not uncommon to run into people, when I’m out alone, and they ask, “Where’s the hammerhead?” I often refer to his chums as his hammerhead friends. What can I say, he knows it’s a term of endearment, we share a common sense of humour and have been together 25yrs without the benefit of marriage, as they say. Hey, it works for us. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/38 "2009-08-30T00:40:18Z")
I don’t like it. It sounds possessive and controlling. “My wife,” is preferable. “The wife,” sounds demeaning to me. And ya’ I know it’s just me, but that’s my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![Salem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Salem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Salem)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/39 "2009-08-30T00:43:03Z")
My father used to refer to my mother as “the wife” and I just hated it. He would do it in conversations where my mother was not present and he was referring to her. And typically it was innocuous things like, “the wife and I just got back from vacation” or “well, I’ll check with the wife on our plans.” I don’t think he particularly meant any disrespect but it just sounded so cold and distant. Heck, you say “my secretary” or “my dentist” or “my dog”. Why not personalize the woman you chose to marry? Just don’t like the sound of it unless it’s in a more joking, affectionate manner. Now that I’m a grown up, well have been one for quite awhile, my ex referred to me exactly ONE time as “the wife”. After he recovered, I made it clear I’d prefer he not do that… ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/40 "2009-08-30T00:59:35Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > I call my spouse a hammerhead, all the time. Huh, my grandmother used to call my grandfather that, but as a proper noun. “What the hell is Hammerhead up to, that old son of a bitch?” I miss gramma. I thought it was unique. I’ve only heard other people use the term in reference to sharks and hammers. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075.md?page=3)