# "The Wife" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 28, 2009, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075 "2009-08-28T20:20:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/41 "2009-08-30T02:07:16Z")
I love being called “the wife.” Its sort of a joke. And it is, after all, my title - one I’m not at all ashamed of. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/42 "2009-08-30T03:32:40Z")
In the end, whatever words are used, we can all tell if the words are being said with love or veiled resentment or anger. It’s never the words, always the intent, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/43 "2009-08-30T04:42:27Z")
My dad sometimes refers to my mum as “The Wife”. The idea of him thinking that she’s his property fills me with mirth. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/44 "2009-08-30T05:00:03Z")
My skirt, the boy’s Mother, hates being called “the wife” or “old lady”. I don’t get it. I only mean it in the most endearing of fashion. ---
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/45 "2009-08-30T05:11:11Z")
“She Who Must Be Obeyed” said in a very serious tone with a slight bow of the head. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/46 "2009-08-30T05:36:00Z")
> [@badbadrubberpiggy](#): > > It’s not something I’ve ever found offensive, nor is it something my husband finds offensive, so why not? No reason not to use it, if it bothers neither of you. I’m wondering if “the wife”, “the husband”, or “the child” is a regional construction that sounds better to some than others. I’m rather amused with \*\*Gatopescado’s \*\*“My skirt”. Perhaps I shall refer to The Devil’s Grandfather as “My Trousers” forthwith. ---
**Author:** ![Lucretia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/13edae/32.png) [@Lucretia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucretia)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/47 "2009-08-30T05:44:57Z")
My beloved husband of 22 years is fond of calling me “O=ol’ what’s-er-name” while I, in return, often refer to him as “the spousal unit”. Neither of us takes offense. All else being well, I honestly can’t see getting my panties in a twist about “The wife”.We also, like **Mangetoute** , call our various offspring “the boy” or “the girls/girl 1/girl 2”. So far, there seems to be no lasting damage. ---
**Author:** ![Easy\_Easter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8c91f0/32.png) [@Easy\_Easter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Easy_Easter)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/48 "2009-08-30T06:01:14Z")
I wonder if after “the divorce”, he’ll call me “the ex”? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/49 "2009-08-30T06:21:38Z")
Personally I HATE “SWMBO”. It’s awful, like she’s controlling you and you have no thoughts. A joke? maybe, but most jokes have some truth in them and that sounds a little bitter. I don’t love hubby but I can put up with it. I don’t care for the wife or the husband but it doesn’t irk me, I just wouldn’t use it. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/50 "2009-09-01T01:17:18Z")
The Husband and I do not mind it. In fact, privately, we call ourselves “old bitch” and “stupid bastard”. But only in the kindest sense. I hope The Kid does not get the wrong impression. Seriously, it’s not the word, is the intention behind it. We have the same sense of humor and know when, and where, not to go “there”. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/51 "2009-09-01T01:27:02Z")
> [@Pearson\_Flyer](#): > > I would take “the husband” in every conversation if it would mean no one would ever refer to their husband online as “DH”. Throw in the other variations of this (DD, DS, etc.) and I’ll join your crusade gladly. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/52 "2009-09-01T03:11:50Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Personally I HATE “SWMBO”. It’s awful, like she’s controlling you and you have no thoughts. A joke? maybe, but most jokes have some truth in them and that sounds a little bitter. SWMBO is cute when it’s said by a happily married man. It’s nasty when said by an unhappily married man. I’ve only heard it from the former. I know a lot of guys who call their wives “boss”, and again, they seem to be the happy couples. ---
**Author:** ![iftheresaway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ecae2f/32.png) [@iftheresaway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iftheresaway)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/53 "2009-09-01T03:49:38Z")
I think it really just depends on the couple and the nature of the relationship, the intent behind the phrase, yada yada. My husband and I are pretty terrible - in addition to “the wife” or “the husband”, we call each other buttface, stinkybrains, stupidhead, etc., threaten (jokingly!) to divorce one another approximately once a day, and frequently threaten one another with grotesquely over the top violence. All of this would be wildly inappropriate in many or most other marriages, and obviously we watch who we make these jokes in front of, but for us they’re exactly right. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/54 "2009-09-01T04:13:10Z")
I still can’t see how “the wife” is more possessive than “my wife”. It may be less personal, perhaps even disrespectful, but at least “the wife” doesn’t contain a word that actually implies ownership. My own opinion is that people spend way too much time getting offended by people who don’t intend to be offensive. Either tell him that it offends you, or shut up about it, as you apparently don’t care enough to tell the guy what bothers you. I also considered reporting this to get this moved to IMHO, as not only does everybody seem to be offering their own opinions, the OP seems to have specifically asked for it. However, I’m not sure if this action would be seen as overly pedantic. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/55 "2009-09-01T13:50:50Z")
> [@MOIDALIZE](#): > > Oh great, THE OLD BATTLEAXE is giving me a look. your mother-in-law is visiting? In my house The Battleaxe is always my mom. My husband only ever uses “the wife” in an obviously ironic way, which vaguely implies to some part of my brain that I should be bothered if he used it sincerely. I just tend not to get too worked up about such things. If I worked for or with a man who only ever referred to “the wife” I might find it odd. I can certainly understand how so many people see it as disrespectful. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/56 "2009-09-01T14:15:44Z")
> [@dragonlady](#): > > Mu Ex ALWAYS referred to me “my wife”. I think I would have preferred “the” wife. I always read it as a very possessive feeling thing. As if my distinguishing feature was being HIS. I don`t get it. Whose wife do you think you were? Do you feel possessed when people call you “my sister” or “my mom” or “my daughter”? ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/57 "2009-09-01T14:18:04Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I still can’t see how “the wife” is more possessive than “my wife”. It may be less personal, perhaps even disrespectful, but at least “the wife” doesn’t contain a word that actually implies ownership. > > . My thoughts too. Here is something I’ve noticed for years and it has always mildly bothered me. Someone will introduce you to their significant other. Sometimes it comes off as “here is this great person I really like (love) and I think you’ll like knowing him/her as well”. Some times, it REALLY comes off to me more like “boy, look WHAT I got, and he/she is mine all mine”. So, when someone says “my wife”, it can often sound more like the second (which bothers me) to me than the first. Depending of course on how they say it and their body/facial language. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/58 "2009-09-01T14:22:00Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > I don`t get it. Whose wife do you think you were? Do you feel possessed when people call you “my sister” or “my mom” or “my daughter”? Well, when it comes to sisters or brothers or mothers or fathers there is no aquisition involved. You are just stuck with em. Which takes the possesive edge off the word “my”. A significant other is something you had to find, chose and “get”. And IMO parents DO own kids, at least until they are 18 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/59 "2009-09-01T14:28:48Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > My skirt, the boy’s Mother, hates being called “the wife” or “old lady”. I don’t get it. I only mean it in the most endearing of fashion. So what’s the bitch’s problem, anyway? 😉 I will only rarely say “the wife” in reference to mine, and then only ironically, in a cheeky Cockney accent (“the woyfe”). More often, though, it’s “my wife,” or just her first name with those who know her. I once knew a man who referred to his wife as “the incumbent,” and to his mother-in-law (only in her absence) as _El Capitan_. As for “the Boss,” Harry Truman famously referred to Bess that way, and theirs was by all accounts a very close and loving relationship. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075/60 "2009-09-01T15:24:09Z")
I occasionally address my wife as “wife” in the company of others, if for instance I’m having a conversation and she’s across the room: “um, Wife, Dick and Jane just asked us to join them out to dinner next week- are we available?” [she nods] "The Wife says we’re good.’ I’ve seen SWMBO, but never knew what it meant. Still don’t, as I’m not Googling it at work, just to be safe. I sort of can’t stand ‘hubby’, not that she actually ever called me that, but hearing others use the term irritates me. Although not as much as ‘wifey’. And the whole Dh/DD/DS thing is just too strange. A couple of my Facebook contacts use those terms, and I think I may have to block their posts. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-wife/508075.md?page=4)